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May 4, 2024
05/24
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>> i see you, jimmy. >> jimmy: you see what's up? >> i see you jimmy. >> jimmy: you see what's up? >> you want to party? >> jimmy: ready, you want to party? >> all right, let's go. >> jimmy: three, two, one, go. [ cups clattering ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i was better on that side. >> yeah, right. [ cheers ] yeah, right, jimmy, you got an excuse. ♪ jimmy, it's coming. >> you said you wanted that smoke, jimmy. [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: oh, no, rosalia. sorry. [ buzzer ] >> oh. oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can you believe -- can you believe the luck? >> okay, i'm obviously bad at this, guys. it's okay, though. >> jimmy: can you believe the luck? >> it's okay, we love it. >> jimmy: you're really good at this. >> you know -- >> i'm gonna -- you know what? >> you got so many things. >> no, there's another -- [ cheers ] >> i'm gonna do it. i'm gonna do it. i can't. >> jimmy: this is the best. this is what i'm talking about. >> there's real love, here! >> jimmy: i can't even watch it. >> it's a real love. >> jimmy: i can't even watch you. simu liu,
>> i see you, jimmy. >> jimmy: you see what's up? >> i see you jimmy. >> jimmy: you see what's up? >> you want to party? >> jimmy: ready, you want to party? >> all right, let's go. >> jimmy: three, two, one, go. [ cups clattering ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i was better on that side. >> yeah, right. [ cheers ] yeah, right, jimmy, you got an excuse. ♪ jimmy, it's coming. >> you said you wanted that smoke, jimmy. [...
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and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us in our studio we have in hollywood, california. i appreciate it, but it's too much, it really is. [ laughter ] it was a day off for the trump trial today. which has been a lot of fun so far, i have to say. don money-honey, stormy daniels, took the stand yesterday and caused quite a commotion. stormy yesterday went into a bit more detail about their sexual encounter than the president and his legal team were hoping she would. sadly, there are no cameras allowed in the courtroom, so we've had to rely on sketches and transcripts. at one point, while stormy daniels was recounting the story of spanking trump with a "forbes" magazine, judge merchan pulled one of his lawyers aside to issue a warning after trump appeared to mutter "bull s-word" under his breath. the judge said he chose to speak to the lawyer privately so as not to embarrass trump, who is on trial for chub-humping a porn star -- [ laughter ] while his wife was home with hare inf
and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us in our studio we have in hollywood, california. i appreciate it, but it's too much, it really is. [ laughter ] it was a day off for the trump trial today. which has been a lot of fun so far, i have to say. don money-honey, stormy daniels, took the stand yesterday and caused quite a commotion. stormy yesterday went into a bit more detail about their sexual...
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May 29, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: yes, i did. >> are you insane? >> jimmy: only three. three nerds in their lunch. >> that's like putting cocaine in their lunch. >> jimmy: do you guys know who this is? >> oh, we didn't tell them who i was yet? >> jimmy: no. no, not really. >> so my name is jon stewart of "the daily show." but he only works on mondays. [ laughter ] because he's very old, and i don't want to say brittle, but if he were to work as much as my mom and dad worked, he would turn into a bag of dust. yeah. as you get older, what happens is a lot of the moisture from your body just evaporates. [ laughter ] so when you're young, you're a grape. and then you get to be my age, and you're a raisin, and then you can only work mondays. [ laughter ] >> is today a monday? >> jimmy: today is a monday. >> so i'm working today. >> water! >> oh, do you need water? all this has made me unbelievably hungry. >> jimmy: has it? is this where you want to go? [ laughter ] >> i don't want to. but there is something that draws me here. >> jimmy: okay. yes. >> so have you guys ever he
>> jimmy: yes, i did. >> are you insane? >> jimmy: only three. three nerds in their lunch. >> that's like putting cocaine in their lunch. >> jimmy: do you guys know who this is? >> oh, we didn't tell them who i was yet? >> jimmy: no. no, not really. >> so my name is jon stewart of "the daily show." but he only works on mondays. [ laughter ] because he's very old, and i don't want to say brittle, but if he were to work as much as my mom...
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May 17, 2024
05/24
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. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, a little rush of adrenaline there. i'm going to vote yes just to be nice. >> questlove: i've done it. >> jimmy: you've done it? >> questlove: i've definitely done it. >> jimmy: yeah. do you stick your hand into the -- the dispenser and just grab. >> questlove: i take the whole thing. >> jimmy: yeah, me too. yeah. >> steve: i've robbed a bank. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. well, then you can't -- then you can't compare. yeah. [ drum roll ] let's see -- let's see the results here. all right. not bad. all right, a little bit better. [ cheers and applause ] not bad. we're warming up to the idea. okay. at least -- at least i know the -- the thumbs up clicker works. [ laughter ] okay, good. let's try this next one here. it says, "on my gps, i never pressed the 'go home' button. i press the go big button." [ laughter ] yeah, that's the option. go big or go home. come on, man. go big. let's see the results in this one. [ drum roll ] are we going to go big? no
. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, a little rush of adrenaline there. i'm going to vote yes just to be nice. >> questlove: i've done it. >> jimmy: you've done it? >> questlove: i've definitely done it. >> jimmy: yeah. do you stick your hand into the -- the dispenser and just grab. >> questlove: i take the whole thing. >> jimmy: yeah, me too. yeah. >> steve: i've robbed a bank. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. well,...
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May 16, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: yeah. >> it's l.a. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a different mode of dressing. >> jimmy: you love these unusual outfits? >> i like to have a good time. life is too hard. you kind of want to -- it's going to make you giggle. you put on some funky lemon pants. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah, no. i mean, you pull it off. >> it's pretty simple. >> jimmy: i would be destroyed by my friends if i wore anything even resembling that. >> i think you look great. >> jimmy: thank you, but i'm dressed like my dad. [ laughter ] this is -- i do want to talk about some of your outfits. because this is your premiere, your "poolman" premiere. basically, this is the character now? >> yeah. so that's -- that's -- >> jimmy: darren? >> yeah, that's darren, but the car is like a 1987 mitsubishi, a very tiny, tiny van. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> that's my personal t-shirt that's also in the film. >> jimmy: this is something you own? >> yeah, "i love l.a." t-shirt. >> jimmy: how long have you had that shirt? >> like 19 years. [ laughter ] i'm from l.a. too, it just shows you my passion. those are my corduroy shorts that were
>> jimmy: yeah. >> it's l.a. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a different mode of dressing. >> jimmy: you love these unusual outfits? >> i like to have a good time. life is too hard. you kind of want to -- it's going to make you giggle. you put on some funky lemon pants. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah, no. i mean, you pull it off. >> it's pretty simple. >> jimmy: i would be destroyed by my friends if i wore anything even resembling that. >> i think you look...
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May 8, 2024
05/24
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do it, jimmy. do it, jimmy. eat that chip. eat that chip. eat that chip. >> jimmy: stu, stu, stu! come on, man. pull yourself together. >> eat the chip. [ laughter ] come on, jimmy. don't you care about democracy? >> jimmy: stu ledman, everybody. stu ledman. [ cheers and applause ] can someone help him out? he's happy. he's happy. well, some more political news. 82-year-old senator, bernie sanders, just announced that he is running for a fourth term in november. yeah. bernie is the only senator who has lived through diss tracks between drake and kendrick, and mozart and beethoven. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> steve: wow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: meet the brahms? is that -- and finally, disney said that marvel will now release no more than three movies a year and will start focusing on quality. >> steve: oh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in response, everyone who has spent the last few years making marvel movies was like, "uh, thanks?" [ laughter ] ironically, now it's up to us to save the avengers. there we go. we have a great show. give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen. [ che
do it, jimmy. do it, jimmy. eat that chip. eat that chip. eat that chip. >> jimmy: stu, stu, stu! come on, man. pull yourself together. >> eat the chip. [ laughter ] come on, jimmy. don't you care about democracy? >> jimmy: stu ledman, everybody. stu ledman. [ cheers and applause ] can someone help him out? he's happy. he's happy. well, some more political news. 82-year-old senator, bernie sanders, just announced that he is running for a fourth term in november. yeah. bernie...
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May 29, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: "jimmy fallon?" >> "jimmy fallon, the guy?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the what? >> steve: "the guy who does the stuff, you know?" >> jimmy: the guy? >> steve: "yeah, the guy who breaks all the time in the sketches, that guy." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, the guy that breaks -- the guy that laughs -- the guy that laughs at himself in the sketches. >> steve: "oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, i love that guy." >> jimmy: i think that would be really fun. >> steve: "yeah. wait a second. this isn't simone biles." [ rim shot ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fingers crossed. why not? call wheaties. >> steve: do it. >> jimmy: guys, i'm very excited. this saturday is the kentucky derby. all right, this is a big deal. [ cheers ] it's time, once again, for the kentucky derby hat give away. here we go. [ fanfare trumpet ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ kentucky derby hat giveaway ♪ ♪ kentucky derby hat giveaway ♪ ♪ kentucky derby hat giveaway ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that is right. every show this week, we're partnering with ford to give one lucky audience member a
>> jimmy: "jimmy fallon?" >> "jimmy fallon, the guy?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the what? >> steve: "the guy who does the stuff, you know?" >> jimmy: the guy? >> steve: "yeah, the guy who breaks all the time in the sketches, that guy." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, the guy that breaks -- the guy that laughs -- the guy that laughs at himself in the sketches. >> steve: "oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, i...
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May 9, 2024
05/24
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. >> jimmy: okay, here we go. >> altima. >> jimmy: alexa. >> what? >> jimmy: alexa. >> audrey. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. she didn't become an audrey. alexa -- alexa, stop. alexa, stop. alexa, stop. okay. alexa, what is the number one song by beyonce? >> beyonce's number one hits on the billboard hot 100 are "crazy in love," "baby boy," "check on it," "irreplaceable," and "single ladies (put a ring on it.)" [ laughter ] >> questlove: her last number one single. >> jimmy: oh. >> ah. ask. >> jimmy: alexa, what is beyonce's last number one single? >> beyonce's most recent number one hit on the billboard hot 100 chart was "single ladies (put a ring on it,)" on december 13th, 2008. >> okay, alexa, we know that you're not a sista, so we're going to google. >> i don't know that one. [ laughter ] try this one. >> jimmy: you want me to try accordion? >> try -- try -- >> jimmy: try accordion? >> try accordion. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: alexa -- >> oh, no, i got it. i got it. alexa, what instrument did lawrence welk play? if this bitch says, "who --" >> lawrence w
. >> jimmy: okay, here we go. >> altima. >> jimmy: alexa. >> what? >> jimmy: alexa. >> audrey. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. she didn't become an audrey. alexa -- alexa, stop. alexa, stop. alexa, stop. okay. alexa, what is the number one song by beyonce? >> beyonce's number one hits on the billboard hot 100 are "crazy in love," "baby boy," "check on it," "irreplaceable," and "single ladies (put a ring on...
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May 23, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: wow. >> yes! >> jimmy: dude. >> give it up! >> jimmy: come on. >> come on. >> jimmy: that's-- thank you very much. >> "that was so great. amazing. you're so great, man. yeah, come on, people. i love this show. i love doing it. it's good. [ cheers and applause ] it's good." >> jimmy: who -- who is that? >> that's you, man. it's jimmy fallon, man. yeah, it's great, man. it's great. [ cheers and applause ] all right. whoo! >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> whoo! >> jimmy: you are unbelievably talented. >> come on. >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. jay pharoah. >> thank you. >> jimmy: come on, that katt williams, unbelievable. ah, that's amazing. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amazing. >> thank you, brother. >> jimmy: you always show up. thank you so much for coming and always bringing something fun. that was amazing, bud. thank you for doing this. and by the way, i was going to ask you, did you ever -- did you ever meet anyone you did an impression of that they're like -- i mean, everyone probably likes it. >> not everybody. y
>> jimmy: wow. >> yes! >> jimmy: dude. >> give it up! >> jimmy: come on. >> come on. >> jimmy: that's-- thank you very much. >> "that was so great. amazing. you're so great, man. yeah, come on, people. i love this show. i love doing it. it's good. [ cheers and applause ] it's good." >> jimmy: who -- who is that? >> that's you, man. it's jimmy fallon, man. yeah, it's great, man. it's great. [ cheers and applause ] all right....
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can't stop stunting, jimmy. >> jimmy: you were -- >> you should try it. >> jimmy: you have really gone -- you know what you've done here, you've made not only the movie -- not only is the movie itself wildly entertaining, you've made the leadup to the movie wildly sbrarng it's almost like we got -- even if you don't see the movie, which you should see the movie, we got something out of the whole deal. you did a fantastic job on "saturday night live." [ cheers and applause ] and then -- and then you took kind of a breakout -- well, let's return the clip there. the breakout stars of your appearance on "saturday night live" showed up at your premiere last night. you surprised everyone. >> well, that's dean and jeff. >> jimmy: right, yeah. you -- but that's you and mikey day. >> no, i look a lot like him and he looks like beavis, it's weird. that's dean and jeff, they're both from sacramento. [ laughter ] but they never met until -- >> jimmy: yet another -- they've become friends? what do they do for work, those guys? >> oh, um -- dean works at the chip ahoy factory. >> jimmy: really? >> u
can't stop stunting, jimmy. >> jimmy: you were -- >> you should try it. >> jimmy: you have really gone -- you know what you've done here, you've made not only the movie -- not only is the movie itself wildly entertaining, you've made the leadup to the movie wildly sbrarng it's almost like we got -- even if you don't see the movie, which you should see the movie, we got something out of the whole deal. you did a fantastic job on "saturday night live." [ cheers and...
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May 2, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: "jimmy fallon?" >> "jimmy fallon, the guy?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the what? >> steve: "the guy who does the stuff, you know?" >> jimmy: the guy? >> steve: "yeah, the guy who breaks all the time in the sketches, that guy." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, the guy that breaks -- the guy that laughs -- the guy that laughs at himself in the sketches. >> steve: "oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, i love that guy." >> jimmy: i think that would be really fun. >> steve: "yeah. wait a second. this isn't simone biles." [ rim shot ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fingers crossed. why not? call wheaties. >> steve: do it. >> jimmy: guys, i'm very excited. this saturday is the kentucky derby. all right, this is a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] and our friends over at ford are doing something very big. they are doing a derby day sweepstakes. and all of you can enter, okay? the winner will get a chance to take home a brand-new electric mustang mach-e. >> steve: oh. [ cheers and applause ] or an eco boost powered bronco. have you seen these new broncos? [ cheers and applause
>> jimmy: "jimmy fallon?" >> "jimmy fallon, the guy?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the what? >> steve: "the guy who does the stuff, you know?" >> jimmy: the guy? >> steve: "yeah, the guy who breaks all the time in the sketches, that guy." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, the guy that breaks -- the guy that laughs -- the guy that laughs at himself in the sketches. >> steve: "oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, i...
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May 14, 2024
05/24
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. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you have a girl and a a boy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's going to be interesting. do you have any expectations of what it's going to be like. >> she -- my daughter is so excited. >> jimmy: she is? >> she's telling everyone. like, way before we told anyone else, her teacher called us over, and was like, "oh, can i talk to you for a second." and she was, like, "are you --" like, because, you know, we did ivf this time, and she kept saying, "oh, my parents are going to l.a. to get the baby." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: to get the baby. >> so, her teacher was like, "so --" >> jimmy: maybe shouldn't be telling everyone this. "to get the baby." yeah, oh, my. it's so cute. >> jimmy: i want to talk to you about a couple of things. first of all, now you're retired from golf. and i go, "well, how's retirement." you're so young. and i go, "what are you doing?" and you're doing a bunch of things. >> hmm-mm. >> jimmy: but one of the things you're doing is you started your own jewelry line. >> yes, yeah. >> jimmy: and you go, yeah, that's cool. so, i w
. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you have a girl and a a boy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's going to be interesting. do you have any expectations of what it's going to be like. >> she -- my daughter is so excited. >> jimmy: she is? >> she's telling everyone. like, way before we told anyone else, her teacher called us over, and was like, "oh, can i talk to you for a second." and she was, like, "are you --" like,...
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May 31, 2024
05/24
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. >> jimmy: he felt so free -- the anti -- >> tariq: you ready. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. >> jimmy, crouch down a little bit. >> tariq: yeah, crouch down, crouch down. >> bend your knees. pinch something with your hands. >> tariq: you're listening for something while you're turing. >> now, turn it back the other way. >> tariq: you're listening really closely. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: tuning a radio. >> listen to the radio. >> tariq: listen to the thing you're turning. stoop down lower. [ talking over each other ] >> put the other hand up on a a flat surface. >> tariq: listen to it while you're turning. >> put the other hand up, up -- in front of you. >> jimmy: turning the tv. [ talking over each other ] >> back and forth. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: ham radio. dennis quaid. >> tariq: listen to those clicks. >> turn it right twice. turn it left once. >> jimmy: oh, opening up a a safe! [ cheers and applause ] [ dinging ] ♪ is that supposed to come off? they're not supposed to come off like that. oh my gosh. [ laughter ] thank you very much. to the winners, anne hatha
. >> jimmy: he felt so free -- the anti -- >> tariq: you ready. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. >> jimmy, crouch down a little bit. >> tariq: yeah, crouch down, crouch down. >> bend your knees. pinch something with your hands. >> tariq: you're listening for something while you're turing. >> now, turn it back the other way. >> tariq: you're listening really closely. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: tuning a radio. >> listen to...
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May 25, 2024
05/24
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." >> jimmy: yeah. >> you're like, "no." >> jimmy: no, you didn't do it. you did it perfectly. >> yeah, it's a fine line. it's a -- it's a tough one to do, but i -- i did it. >> jimmy: and georgia -- >> i tried my best. hopefully it works for you guys if you watch it. please -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah, i will. >> -- let me know if it's terrible or not. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and georgia -- georgia approved. >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: georgia approves. i got to meet her and her husband, rob. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and they're great people. >> incredible. >> jimmy: but, man, you just knocked it out of the park with this one. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's logan lerman in "we were the lucky ones." take a look. ♪ >> such a short trip, addy. >> i know, but work is busy. ♪ >> but your music is going so well. ♪ >> eh, one song on the radio does not an income make. >> it's a good song. ♪ >> wasn't it you who encouraged me to get my engineering degree? have a real job? ♪ >> you think you're so clever, using my words
." >> jimmy: yeah. >> you're like, "no." >> jimmy: no, you didn't do it. you did it perfectly. >> yeah, it's a fine line. it's a -- it's a tough one to do, but i -- i did it. >> jimmy: and georgia -- >> i tried my best. hopefully it works for you guys if you watch it. please -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah, i will. >> -- let me know if it's terrible or not. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and georgia -- georgia approved. >> oh,...
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May 10, 2024
05/24
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. >> jimmy: i -- i trust. >> let's go. >> jimmy: ready? one, two, three. [ clapping ] [ audience ohs ] >> 1 and 0, baby. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, so now you -- already i don't like this. all right. just -- just -- thank you. [ cheers and applause ] that was very gentle of you, thank you very much. and it's very cold. all right, here we go. that's one, all right, ready? one, two, three. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ace! ace! oh, it is so good to see, bud. [ drum roll ] this is just -- just like being back in the olympics. one, two, three. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, you go, bud. [ laughter ] come on, now! now it's a game! >> let's go! >> jimmy: now, it's a game! >> together: one, two, three. go! [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter and cheers ] >> jimmy: that was aggressive. that was aggressive. all right, here we go. one, two, three. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you see it coming? >> i opened my eyes and saw water coming right at me. >> jimmy: you did? come on, this is so fun with michael phelps. "getting
. >> jimmy: i -- i trust. >> let's go. >> jimmy: ready? one, two, three. [ clapping ] [ audience ohs ] >> 1 and 0, baby. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, so now you -- already i don't like this. all right. just -- just -- thank you. [ cheers and applause ] that was very gentle of you, thank you very much. and it's very cold. all right, here we go. that's one, all right, ready? one, two, three. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ace! ace! oh, it is...
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May 1, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: yeah. 2024? >> done. >> jimmy: me versus tiger? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right, done. [ cheers and applause ] you're the best, man. always good to see you. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: tiger woods, everybody. sundayred.com. [ cheers and applause ] get your hands on the first ever launch of sun day red right now at midnight. we'll be right back with benny blanco. stick around. it's tonight! it's on tonight. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) it's shrimp your way. choose three flavors for just $20*. like new street corn shrimp. and our famous garlic shrimp scampi. it's time to grab some cheddar bays and get flavorfull. hurry in to try shrimp your way, only at red lobster. >> no application fee if you apply by may 31st at university of maryland global campus, an accredited university that's transformed adult lives for 75 years. you're not waiting to win, you're ready to succeed again at umgc.edu. everyone say space pod! (♪♪) meanwhile, at a vrbo... when other vacation rentals are just for likes, try one where you'll actually like. ladies a
>> jimmy: yeah. 2024? >> done. >> jimmy: me versus tiger? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right, done. [ cheers and applause ] you're the best, man. always good to see you. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: tiger woods, everybody. sundayred.com. [ cheers and applause ] get your hands on the first ever launch of sun day red right now at midnight. we'll be right back with benny blanco. stick around. it's tonight! it's on tonight. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) it's shrimp...
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May 11, 2024
05/24
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and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. that's very kind. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. you did it. you made it. dreams really do come true. we have much to get to tonight, including jerry seinfeld who is here in our studio for the first time. [ cheers and applause ] which is very exciting. wait till you see his teeth, they're perfect. [ laughter ] you will be amazed and delighted. here's some good news, i think. according to a new report from "the washington post," americans are sleeping more than they ever have. or at least since scientists started sneaking into our rooms and measuring how much we're sleeping. [ laughter ] we are sleeping more than we have in the last 20 years. as i look around, i see that some of you are sleeping right now before my eyes. [ laughter ] i do think about that sometimes. people watching at home, falling asleep while we work on the jokes and people -- not just a few people. probably hundreds of thousands of people. like imagine the rose bowl and dodger stadium and the
and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. that's very kind. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. you did it. you made it. dreams really do come true. we have much to get to tonight, including jerry seinfeld who is here in our studio for the first time. [ cheers and applause ] which is very exciting. wait till you see his teeth, they're perfect. [ laughter ] you will be amazed and delighted. here's some good news, i...
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May 30, 2024
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. >> jimmy: he was? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: really? you noticed that even as a child that he was good at negotiating? >> yeah, yeah, hi always was going to get himself out of trouble. >> jimmy: i see. i see. like, who gets the most skittles at the craft service table? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so when you go to these parties -- well, like even just at the oscars, you run into steven spielberg. this is a guy you worked with, he was an adult when you worked with him, you were a kid. it must be -- how does it feel to see somebody that you worked with when you were a child, an experience most of us don't get, someone like spielberg or harrison ford? >> well, you know, it's great. i mean, you know, i'm an actor because of him. >> jimmy: uh-huh, right. >> so, you know, one of the most memorable nights of my life, you know, the oscar night, when we won -- you know, i could not have asked for a more perfect night. because my family, my own family was there. my brother, my wife, my "goonies" brother, jeff cohen. but it was also really cool to have my
. >> jimmy: he was? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: really? you noticed that even as a child that he was good at negotiating? >> yeah, yeah, hi always was going to get himself out of trouble. >> jimmy: i see. i see. like, who gets the most skittles at the craft service table? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so when you go to these parties -- well, like even just at the oscars, you run into steven spielberg. this is a guy you worked with, he was an adult when you worked...
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May 31, 2024
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. >> jimmy: they do. like, is it humiliating for them when they're drawing their stupid stuff that they draw? [ laughter ] >> hopefully -- >> jimmy: hopefully? yeah? tell us about this one. i love that. that's just great. >> well, when i went to madrid, i got inspired by picasso's guarnica to do this. >> jimmy: when you got home, you painted this? >> yep, i painted that when i got back. >> jimmy: where do you get your art supplies? >> at blick. >> jimmy: do you know these men who keep taking your paintings? [ laughter ] are they part of your team? >> hopefully they're not stealing them. [ laughter ] i have questions about where they're going. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i have some questions about what's going on here. now, this is -- if this is a video you watched on youtube, we need to put some parental restrictions on that. [ laughter ] who is this guy? >> benito. he's a matador. >> jimmy: a matador, oh, wow. your enunciation is excellente. [ laughter ] >> gracias. >> jimmy: have you been to a bullfig
. >> jimmy: they do. like, is it humiliating for them when they're drawing their stupid stuff that they draw? [ laughter ] >> hopefully -- >> jimmy: hopefully? yeah? tell us about this one. i love that. that's just great. >> well, when i went to madrid, i got inspired by picasso's guarnica to do this. >> jimmy: when you got home, you painted this? >> yep, i painted that when i got back. >> jimmy: where do you get your art supplies? >> at blick....
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May 21, 2024
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> jimmy: here. >> here. >> jimmy: here. >> both: here. here. here. here. here. here. >> yes, here we go! that's it. >> jimmy: okay, good. thank you very much. michael rispoli, everyone. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] take care, thank you very much. i appreciate it. ♪ thank you very much. thank you. >> no, i'm not talking -- no. what do you mean lower numbers? >> jimmy: good to see you. why would anyone say that? thank you. [ cheers and applause ] what is he -- switching gears, i read that disney world said that it's going to disperse smells into the line at it's new bayou adventure ride. [ audience oohs ] while over at busch gardens, the scent is whatever vape the guy behind you is smoking. [ laughter and applause ] wintergreen. smells healthy. well, get this. soccer star cristiano ronaldo just topped the forbes list of the world's highest paid athletes. here, check out -- [ cheers ] check out what he had to say about it. he said, "i am paid to do what i love. it is a privilege." and this statue of ronaldo said, "ermagherd
> jimmy: here. >> here. >> jimmy: here. >> both: here. here. here. here. here. here. >> yes, here we go! that's it. >> jimmy: okay, good. thank you very much. michael rispoli, everyone. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] take care, thank you very much. i appreciate it. ♪ thank you very much. thank you. >> no, i'm not talking -- no. what do you mean lower numbers? >> jimmy: good to see you. why would anyone say that? thank you. [ cheers...
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May 15, 2024
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. >> jimmy: okay. hey, can you name a second female basketball player? >> steph curry? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: steph curry is a man. >> okay, okay. all right. the sexy bunny from space jam? >> jimmy: not technically a woman. >> look, we're not so different, you and i, okay? our love languages are touch. we both respect women. and because of that, we watch a lot of lesbian pornography. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true and i'd really rather you don't touch me. >> hey jimmy do you know how long it's been since i've gotten to respect a woman in the flesh? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a really long time? >> it's been a really long time. okay? but you know what? that's what being an ally is all about, respecting women from a distance. and for me, that distance is legally 500 feet. happy now, beth? >> jimmy: it's time for you to go. >> it's not history, it's herstory! okay? this is what a feminist looks like. where's emily blunt? i'm going to respect her. [ applause ] >> jimmy: anyone else have anything? all r
. >> jimmy: okay. hey, can you name a second female basketball player? >> steph curry? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: steph curry is a man. >> okay, okay. all right. the sexy bunny from space jam? >> jimmy: not technically a woman. >> look, we're not so different, you and i, okay? our love languages are touch. we both respect women. and because of that, we watch a lot of lesbian pornography. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true and i'd really rather you don't...
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and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you very much. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us here in beautiful hollywood, california. where i don't know about it, but just about every comedian in the world is gathered here in l.a. this week. netflix is having a big comedy festival here this week. last night, they had a roast of tom brady. a live roast and all the stars were there! >> my prediction, iron mike is going to kill that baby. it will be the only legal abortion in texas. >> jimmy: look at that! guillermo in the audience. was it fun? >> it was great. >> jimmy: good in person? >> it was very good. >> jimmy: tom brady, i don't know why he did this, but he was a pretty good sport. it's hard to believe only 13 years ago, donald trump was the subject of a big celebrity roast. >> people hatin on him because trump is always firing people. but it's kind of okay because he completely let himself go any way. donald -- hey, chill. you know what, donald? you got the tan, you got the laund
and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you very much. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us here in beautiful hollywood, california. where i don't know about it, but just about every comedian in the world is gathered here in l.a. this week. netflix is having a big comedy festival here this week. last night, they had a roast of tom brady. a live roast and all the stars were there! >> my...
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and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, very nice. thank you very much. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. please relax. we're glad you're joining us here at our home in hollywood, where i have to say, i am very excited, i am very proud, i'm exhilarated, even. because from here on, we aren't just following the donald trump drama in new york, we are part of it. we are part of the official record of the people versus donald trump. i will explain in a moment. files it to say that when ryan murphy makes the nine-part miniseries about this for fubo -- [ laughter ] i will be in it. i would assume someone like george clooney or maybe chris hemsworth will be playing me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, you will be in it. >> guillermo: all right, yeah! >> jimmy: you will be played by pedro pascal. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: all right, yeah! >> jimmy: the reason why is -- because the big surprise bombshell today, at least for us, was when prosecutors entered into evidence a series of text messages about our show.
and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, very nice. thank you very much. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. please relax. we're glad you're joining us here at our home in hollywood, where i have to say, i am very excited, i am very proud, i'm exhilarated, even. because from here on, we aren't just following the donald trump drama in new york, we are part of it. we are part of the official record of the people versus donald trump. i will...
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May 3, 2024
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. >> jimmy! >> jimmy: wow, good to see you -- good to see you, buddy. >> yay. >> jimmy: that's a nice -- look at that. look at the love. look at the love, right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, where are we going? >> jimmy: double-breasted. all right, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] all right, here's -- here's how the game works. >> i think i'm over here. >> jimmy: kate, you go over there, yeah. >> do we go -- wait, should we go -- is this fine, or should i come back over here? >> jimmy: you went too -- you went too soon. >> i will say -- >> jimmy: i'm gonna say that we'll -- >> -- this is the least explanation for a game i've ever had. >> jimmy: no, i didn't give you any explanation yet. >> okay, great. >> come back over here. [ light laughter ] okay, i'm gonna come back. >> jimmy: yeah, you wanna come back over? yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, here we go. all right, here we go. now -- [ cheers and applause ] here's how the game works. i'm going to start the round by pre
. >> jimmy! >> jimmy: wow, good to see you -- good to see you, buddy. >> yay. >> jimmy: that's a nice -- look at that. look at the love. look at the love, right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, where are we going? >> jimmy: double-breasted. all right, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] all right, here's -- here's how the game works. >> i think i'm over here. >> jimmy: kate, you go over there, yeah. >> do we go -- wait, should we go...
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May 16, 2024
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. >> jimmy: no, i didn't. i just had -- well, it became a a frozen suit when i went in, but -- >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: i got dared by the mayor. and so, i said, "yeah, i'll do it." so, i went in, i jumped in, and this is the truth, it's freezing. i mean, they have to break out ice outta lake michigan -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- to go into this thing. and you go in, and -- and everything just freezes, everything. your eyes, everything, just frozen. and then you -- i got out, and i'm not kidding, and i heard bagpipes. [ laughter ] and i'm irish, so i think that's prob -- what you hear when you die. [ laughter ] i mean, i think that's what happens. so i go, "this is how i die. this is unbelievable." but then i looked over and i saw there were bagpipers there. it's like, "okay." >> oh, that's funny. >> jimmy: it was a great experience. >> the next time -- >> jimmy: i will do it with you guys. >> the next time, i will just ask you for some money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. [ applause ] it was just announced t
. >> jimmy: no, i didn't. i just had -- well, it became a a frozen suit when i went in, but -- >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: i got dared by the mayor. and so, i said, "yeah, i'll do it." so, i went in, i jumped in, and this is the truth, it's freezing. i mean, they have to break out ice outta lake michigan -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- to go into this thing. and you go in, and -- and everything just freezes, everything. your eyes, everything, just frozen. and then...
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May 21, 2024
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. >> jimmy: i know. if not, we're going have to leave. >> but my mom grew up loving barbra streisand. so she passed that on to me and the love of musicals and kind of all that stuff. so when i was in hollywood and i was acting and i was 20, 30 years ago, i met her. and i just was like oh my god! i love you! and she was oh my god, she kind of like was asking me to look at my engagement ring at the time that ben had given me years ago. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and lots of kind of so that's a big diamond. yes, it is! and she is like -- anything she said. i don't know how you're famous. because at that time i had done my albums and things like that. and she was like -- and i'm thinking to myself. you're the most famous person ever. she had this thing of like how did i handle fame. surreal. it was so surreal. i was so taken by her. and she was very nice and wound up giving me kind of advice on movies, that has stuck with me. >> jimmy: she did? >> yeah. she told me five good scenes. five good scenes. >> jimmy: tha
. >> jimmy: i know. if not, we're going have to leave. >> but my mom grew up loving barbra streisand. so she passed that on to me and the love of musicals and kind of all that stuff. so when i was in hollywood and i was acting and i was 20, 30 years ago, i met her. and i just was like oh my god! i love you! and she was oh my god, she kind of like was asking me to look at my engagement ring at the time that ben had given me years ago. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and lots of kind...
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. >> jimmy: enemies? >> what? >> jimmy: enemies? >> no, i don't have enemies. >> jimmy: uh-huh? it's just the people closest to you who you will destroy? [ laughter ] >> emily blunt, your friend. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> half the book's about her. >> jimmy: is that right? [ laughter ] oh, no. >> yeah. john kaczynski is the other half. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's krasinski. >> is it? >> jimmy: kaczynski was the unabomber. [ laughter ] you're thinking of a different guy. if you've accused john, emily's dad is a lawyer. if you've accused john of being the unabomber, you're in a lot of trouble. >> it's obviously not very well written. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i imagine you talk about your career and stuff. your first movie was "the goonies" right? that was the first thing you did? >> that was the first. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: was that also your first job? >> that was my first job. when they had me put the shorts over the long sweats? i thought that was it. because i come from a pretty cool place. when you do that, you think you're going to be written off. but i wasn't. >> jimmy
. >> jimmy: enemies? >> what? >> jimmy: enemies? >> no, i don't have enemies. >> jimmy: uh-huh? it's just the people closest to you who you will destroy? [ laughter ] >> emily blunt, your friend. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> half the book's about her. >> jimmy: is that right? [ laughter ] oh, no. >> yeah. john kaczynski is the other half. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's krasinski. >> is it? >> jimmy: kaczynski was the unabomber....
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May 22, 2024
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, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kevin costner. pamela adlon. slash. and music from hardy. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thank you. hi, everyone. thank you, fellows. i'm gelmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching and for joining us here in hollywood, california, where we welcome you warmly. we have a fun show tonight. slash is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have -- i don't know if you heard. there's a big trial going on in new york. our former president and future convicted felon, who after saying who knows how many times he would absolutely testify, has opted not to testify. [ laughter ] and the defense has rested their case. you i'll tell you, though, one thing i'm going to miss as this trial wraps up is watching trump's lawyer, todd blanche silently glowering as trump stands outside the courtroom, whining every day. >> there's never been anything like this that i've ever seen. kangaroo courts also, it's stacked up. wha
, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kevin costner. pamela adlon. slash. and music from hardy. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thank you. hi, everyone. thank you, fellows. i'm gelmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching and for joining us here in hollywood, california, where we welcome you warmly. we have a fun show tonight. slash is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have -- i don't know if you...
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May 28, 2024
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right now jimmy kimmel, >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- carol burnett, nicholas galitzine. and music from christian nodal. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you. that's very nice. thank you. guillermo. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for joining us. oh, i appreciate that. you know, i have to say, just about every night lately, we start with our former president, current defendant, donald trump. [ laughter ] but they take wednesday off in court, and i thought it might be nice for a change to check this in on another disturbed egomaniac, kanye west, who's reportedly about to enter the world of film. specifically, the world of pornographic film. with a new studio that is being called "yeezy porn." which is the next logical step after opening a pre-k through 12th grade christian private school. [ laughter ] you can't say he doesn't have range, right? [ laughter ] a spokesperson for yeezy said kan has been kicking around the idea of launching
right now jimmy kimmel, >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- carol burnett, nicholas galitzine. and music from christian nodal. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you. that's very nice. thank you. guillermo. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for joining us. oh, i appreciate that. you know, i have to say, just about every night lately, we start with our former...
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May 30, 2024
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i appreciate it. >> i love you, jimmy! >> jimmy: thank you very much. enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] you're here! thank you for watching. i'm very excited about this. robert de niro is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] backstage, i told him he's the greatest actor of all time, and he said, "well, you're the greatest talk show host of all time." [ scattered cheers ] i said, "really?" and he said, "no, i'm just the greatest actor of all time." [ laughter ] robert de niro was actually my first "late night" guest. i asked him if i had gotten better at interviewing and he said, "i'll see you out there, buddy." [ laughter ] well, guys, earlier tonight nbc aired our show's ten-year anniversary special. ten years! [ cheers and applause ] amazing. ten years. [ cheers and applause ] it's hard to believe when i got the job, president biden was just a fresh-faced 71-year-old. you know, that's -- [ laughter ] that's right, we've been on the air for one pandemic, two presidential elections, and 300 "fa
i appreciate it. >> i love you, jimmy! >> jimmy: thank you very much. enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] you're here! thank you for watching. i'm very excited about this. robert de niro is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] backstage, i told him he's the greatest actor of all time, and he said, "well, you're the greatest talk show host of all time." [ scattered cheers ] i said,...
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. >> jimmy: in california. >> i'm just not competitive enough, man, jimmy. >> jimmy: no, you're not. >> i'll lose, dude. >> jimmy: i do want to explain our back story, if i could. now, freddie, i mentioned earlier you were on the local news. they opened a cannabis shop in michigan. >> abc 57. >> you were waiting in line. the news showed up, and you instantly became a star around the world. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i interviewed you, fell deeply in love with you, and then at the same time, i met these two guys name mischka and slava who owned the cannabis shop down the street. and they have a bunch of stores in l.a. here you were with those guys. >> yeah, big boss and little boss. >> jimmy: what do you do? what is your job exactly there? >> i'm mr. everything. i'm actually a minion now. >> jimmy: you're a minion? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> when did that happen? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wish the audience could smell what's going on here. i am now high from the fragrance alone. so, you -- and what we said, oh, this guy, freddie, is great. let's fly him
. >> jimmy: in california. >> i'm just not competitive enough, man, jimmy. >> jimmy: no, you're not. >> i'll lose, dude. >> jimmy: i do want to explain our back story, if i could. now, freddie, i mentioned earlier you were on the local news. they opened a cannabis shop in michigan. >> abc 57. >> you were waiting in line. the news showed up, and you instantly became a star around the world. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i interviewed...
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>> jimmy: yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you did it. i mean, the whole world watches it. >> oh, it was the most fun and being paid for it was, you know, an added -- >> jimmy: i guess, why not? >> yeah, no. >> jimmy: but then you hosted the olivier awards. >> yes. >> jimmy: and man, let me tell you something. it is exactly what i -- i was like, "that is the definition of knocking it out of the park." home run. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, gosh. coming from you, honestly. >> jimmy: that big opening. >> you know i'm a massive fan of yours, so honestly. >> jimmy: no, but that opening, how did you get -- >> well, i kind of picked a a fight about the opening. because we were going to be doing "anything goes." and, you know the manuscript arrived with me and i said to my pianist, joe stilgoe, who, if you don't know, check out joe stilgoe. he is utter magic on the piano. >> jimmy: joe stilgoe, yes. >> joe stilgoe. and i put my hands on the music and went, "right." and he went, "oh god." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-oh. it's a problem, yeah. >> h
>> jimmy: yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you did it. i mean, the whole world watches it. >> oh, it was the most fun and being paid for it was, you know, an added -- >> jimmy: i guess, why not? >> yeah, no. >> jimmy: but then you hosted the olivier awards. >> yes. >> jimmy: and man, let me tell you something. it is exactly what i -- i was like, "that is the definition of knocking it out of the park." home run. [ cheers and applause ]...
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May 24, 2024
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>> jimmy: yeah. we always love it. it's a great crowd, so thank you guys so much for being here. we have a great show for you tonight. he's the star of blockbuster movie franchises like "guardians of the galaxy" and "jurassic world." he's now voicing garfield in "the garfield movie," which hits theaters tomorrow. chris pratt is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. no, he's not here -- no. don't get up, don't get up. he's not here now. [ light laughter ] he's eventually gonna be here, yeah. they're very -- [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] he got a standing ovation just now. no, they're very polite, no. he's on his way, he's on his way, yeah. i'm just telling you who's on the show tonight. [ laughter ] actually, you can stand up for them if you want. they are fox nfl analysts, and their podcast "calm down with erin and charissa" is available everywhere now. erin andrews and charissa thompson are joining us today! [ cheers and applause ] love these guys. and we've got great music tonight, great
>> jimmy: yeah. we always love it. it's a great crowd, so thank you guys so much for being here. we have a great show for you tonight. he's the star of blockbuster movie franchises like "guardians of the galaxy" and "jurassic world." he's now voicing garfield in "the garfield movie," which hits theaters tomorrow. chris pratt is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. no, he's not here -- no. don't get up, don't get up. he's not here now. [ light...
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May 22, 2024
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. >> jimmy: no, that was me. i'm jimmy. >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: hey, austin. >> no, that was me. i'm shaq. >> jimmy: you know what, i'll call you guys back after the show. shaq and austin butler, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm so sorry. that was too confusing. why would he call now? >> i'm shaq. >> jimmy: okay, good. thank you. >> steve: they're still here. >> jimmy: and finally, police said a homeowner in pennsylvania was doing yard work when they found a a significant amount of cocaine buried in the ground. [ audience oohs ] growing up, my family didn't have a lot of money so we could only afford above ground cocaine. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: what a show we have for you tonight. he's one of my favorites. he is the host of hbo's "real time with bill maher," and his new book "what this comedian said will shock you" is available now. bill maher is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] funny dude. oh, she's a great actress. currently stars in two apple tv+ show, "physical" and "
. >> jimmy: no, that was me. i'm jimmy. >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: hey, austin. >> no, that was me. i'm shaq. >> jimmy: you know what, i'll call you guys back after the show. shaq and austin butler, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm so sorry. that was too confusing. why would he call now? >> i'm shaq. >> jimmy: okay, good. thank you. >> steve: they're still here. >> jimmy: and finally, police said a homeowner in pennsylvania was doing...
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May 23, 2024
05/24
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. >> jimmy: no, you don't. >> i do. >> jimmy: do you really? >> i just realized i have it in my glove compartment. >> jimmy: just in case? >> just in case. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it from the kids? >> a way to make friends, dude. >> jimmy: how do you get a hacky sack in your glove box? >> i don't know, i'm just now visualizing that i have a hacky sack in my glove box. >> jimmy: that's a great title for an album. [ laughter ] >> yes, that's yola tango's fourth album, "i have a hacky sack in my glove box." >> jimmy: would you take suggestions? collision grief? >> i would love to do -- that sounds very easy. >> jimmy: frisbee golf? >> too much activity, i think. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> calligraphy sounds nice. you can sit down. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: balloon animals? >> i don't like the sound of the squeak of the balloon. it gives me the chills. >> jimmy: okay. >> anyone else? you know, like nails on a chalkboard. no offense to all you balloon artists. >> jimmy: as we get toward the holidays, maybe something like wreath-making could be a
. >> jimmy: no, you don't. >> i do. >> jimmy: do you really? >> i just realized i have it in my glove compartment. >> jimmy: just in case? >> just in case. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it from the kids? >> a way to make friends, dude. >> jimmy: how do you get a hacky sack in your glove box? >> i don't know, i'm just now visualizing that i have a hacky sack in my glove box. >> jimmy: that's a great title for an album. [ laughter ]...
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May 14, 2024
05/24
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>> jimmy: in l.a. maybe this show. [ laughter ] >> there's still time. >> jimmy: that remains to be seen. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my god, these guests. >> a lot of people are in town for this "netflix is a joke" festival. so i figured i'm going to do six nights, live every night, then it's done, it can't be picked up again. >> jimmy: it could. you're just not going to let it? >> i wouldn't let it, no. >> jimmy: i see, okay. >> so there's no stakes to it. we'll never hit a groove. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah you don't want to hit a groove. >> we're not going to go, we kind of have a handle on it, we're just exploring everything about los angeles. >> jimmy: david letterman, jerry seinfeld, jon stewart, sarah sill vary man, nate bargatze, cedric the entertainer. those are the big names. then you've got small names, weird small names, too. dr. lucy jones, the seismologist. >> oh, yeah. you know lucy jones? >> jimmy: we all know lucy jones. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's a big part of this town. >> yes, s
>> jimmy: in l.a. maybe this show. [ laughter ] >> there's still time. >> jimmy: that remains to be seen. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my god, these guests. >> a lot of people are in town for this "netflix is a joke" festival. so i figured i'm going to do six nights, live every night, then it's done, it can't be picked up again. >> jimmy: it could. you're just not going to let it? >> i wouldn't let it, no. >> jimmy: i see, okay....
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May 19, 2024
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jimmy: okay abby. abby: knows he only hold on a second. >> you're by yourself have an understanding walked into yellowjacket on the show cf okay i'll say flashing. abby: well i just feel like but look like he had carving eyes. jimmy: she's dated lot of convict so again but the answer is yes it was carving his name in a patrol car abby has one down here we go question number two and this gentleman bringing up right here, patrick carnegie, 57 for the villages retirement community in florida was the arrested for striking his wife with his salami, that doesn't separate or menacing a cashier with an alligator also very florida food assault. [laughter] [laughter] struck his wife with an alligator's salami and they have us gina. gina: i'm going gator c1 okay is the only. >> salami okay salami like the walking me to violation you are in abby. abby: all say salami. jimmy: abby is to azaleas one and nothing forging. gina: , on anyone. jimmy: you might as well put the game now. gina: wow wow wow sue and the quest
jimmy: okay abby. abby: knows he only hold on a second. >> you're by yourself have an understanding walked into yellowjacket on the show cf okay i'll say flashing. abby: well i just feel like but look like he had carving eyes. jimmy: she's dated lot of convict so again but the answer is yes it was carving his name in a patrol car abby has one down here we go question number two and this gentleman bringing up right here, patrick carnegie, 57 for the villages retirement community in florida...
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May 19, 2024
05/24
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hi, jimmy. jimmy: hello. how are yo good seeing you. i have no idea why you guys called me to do this. [applause] lisa lang must have been not available, you know, went down to list. connie chung not available.[lgh] now here i am. but it's an absolute honor to be here with you and alle amazing leaders. i have been listening to a lot of talksit's a lot of firsts. it's a middle groundbreaking trailblazers of our community. and of course, you are the first aahpi vice president of the united states. wh dthe first. and how has your heritvolved yor roles as leader? vp harris: said, my mother gave my sister and me a lot of advice, and a lot of the things she said to be that of had a lasting impact, she said, you may be the first many things. make sure you are not the first. my mother wasyearold when she arrived in the united states by herself. she was the eldes mgrdparent fo. e was part of one of the first waves of indians to come in relatively modern history to the un states in the 50's. right, so anybodyf soh asian background, you will know
hi, jimmy. jimmy: hello. how are yo good seeing you. i have no idea why you guys called me to do this. [applause] lisa lang must have been not available, you know, went down to list. connie chung not available.[lgh] now here i am. but it's an absolute honor to be here with you and alle amazing leaders. i have been listening to a lot of talksit's a lot of firsts. it's a middle groundbreaking trailblazers of our community. and of course, you are the first aahpi vice president of the united...