. >> yeah, a lot [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> a lot >> jimmy: yeah >> i grew up >> jimmy: i grew upa kid >> jimmy: you're a babe. you're a grown man wearing a a diaper [ laughter ] wearing a nappy the way you were born. >> play with your -- you've got blocks to play with >> jimmy: that you play with >> see that? >> jimmy: yeah, try that for once [ light laughter ] all playin' with blocks and suckin' on a bottle. >> see what that looks like. >> jimmy: yeah >> not a lot of fun, is it [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: your mommy won't bring you another bottle, will she? [ laughter ] wah-wah, baby crying you know, in a crib. >> do you want candy i haven't got it [ light laughter ] sorry. >> jimmy: so, here we go >> all right >> jimmy: we've got to make up a band name. [ laughter ] all right. call the band name, random word on the count of three. ready? >> both: one, two, three >> jimmy: lavender >> roller coaster. >> jimmy: ooh, lavender roller coaster. >> that's not bad. >> jimmy: that's pretty good that sound like a what kind of band to you? >> a lavender roller coaster >> jimmy: psychedel

>> what, past tense verb >> jimmy: sorry. >> ran >> jimmy: yep. >> was that a past tense >> jimmy: yeah[ laughter ] >> gotta have 'em. >> jimmy: clip-on ties >> gotta have --dy >> jimmy: art. >> foot. >> jimmy: a noun >> a noun. chicago. [ light laughter ] >> y, place. >> person, place or thing. >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> jimmy: noun, chicago. that's right kenan, food you'd order at a a sushi restaurant >> shrimp tempura roll [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, okay shrimp tempura roll. >> and delicious >> jimmy: childhood punishment>> hildhood punishment. the bar of soap in the mouth [ audience ohs ]gh >> jimmy: all rit. now we're going to do the speed round here going to real quick right here kenan, exclamation >> hooray!ug [ light lahter ] >> jimmy: another rb ending in i-n-g >> um, beating >> beating >> jimmy: beating. wow. [ light laughter ] >> i don't - >> jimmy: w. [ laughter ] oh, my god, i can't even - it started with farmhands. [ laughter ] that's when it went off the rails. farmhands. >> farmhands >> jimmy: that's all right i'm good mall restaurant. >> we'll go with taco b

>> jimmy: hakuna >> no. hakuna >> jimmy: yes. >> matatta >> jimmy: yes!rs and applause naomi watts. the champ. that's how you do it mike birbiglia joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ (vo) parents have a way of imagining the worst... ..sp youdiracted driving [ping] with sensors that alert you when your eyes are off the road. the all-new subaru forester. the safest forester ever. with this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, you're doing what's right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. it's the #1 vet recommended protection. and it's safe for puppies. nexgard. what one little chew can do. liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, hmm. exactly. so you only pay for what you need. nice. but, uh... what's up with your... partner? not again. limu that's your reflection. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ woman 1: this is my body of proof. man 1: proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. man 2: proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis... woman 2: ...wit

>> jimmy: yeah >> so -- >> jimmy: i'm excited to see who is gonna win the show and -- >> right >> jimmytle piece. >> jimmy: i should wet my beak, but yeah no.thinking i want to l >> jimmy: well, we will. >> you should totally. >> jimmy: yeah >> speaking of, like, jeff foxworthy, you know, very famous for doing "the ig jimmy: yo, he's been our show he's a great guest >> yeah. >> jimmy: after you. >> he's really nice. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's kenan thompson in "bring the funny." >> oh, check it out. check it out >> think back to any of our past memories at this very park >> you'd make me the happiest man in the world >> man, sorry i'm late guys. i was getting the hot dog -- oh, my gosh! are you proposing? that's amazing >> all right, kenan. >> i thought it was brilliant. repetition is one of my favorite things in the world so, like, the flashback thing i just thought was incredibly brilliant. and the variances of comedy is what we're exploring here. that was a prime example of how awesome it can be in another kind of way. so awesome job, yeah [ cheers and applause

>> jimmy: yes. >> steve: are you sure >> jimmy: yes. >> steve: how many seconds >> jimmy: seven. >> steve♪ >> steve: oh [ audience ohs ] do you want to know your time or not >> jimmy: yes. right? do i yeah >> steve: 7.12 seconds [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: wow. not bad. not bad. >> not bad >> steve: all right, rachel. >>kay. remember, when you hear this sound -- ♪ you'll commence the seven seconds. >> okay. >> steve: good luck. >> my heart is racing. >> steve: this sound - ♪ >> jimmy: oh, but not yet. not yet. not yet. not yet. don't -- >> jimmy: no when you hear it ♪ ♪ >> steve: ooh! >> jimmy: i didn't look. >> did i win >> steve: rachel, you are the winner of that round [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: wow! wow! that's good. >> steve: insane in the membrane all right. this is round two or the deuce as we call it. [ laughter ] this time we're going to really mix things up. this time -- >> jimmy: we've never called it the deuce, ever, by the way. [ laughter ] >> steve: we call it the deuce >> jimmy: no, we don't >> steve: round two. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> steve: the deuce. >> jimmy:

jimmy!ter ] >> jimmy: no, he didn't. i don't eat baby food -- >>e got you! >> jimmy: okay, and -- stay out of -- who are you, anyway? >> i'm an instigator, my man yo, know, my job is to, like fan the flames of conflict you feel me? [ laughter ] >> hey, hey -- >> keep it going >> this is jimmy >> let me hear >> oh, look at me. i sit behind a big desk and talk to celebrities. blah, blah, blah >> oh, my god! 's killing you right now jimmy fallon [ laughter ] you going to take that on your own show in front of your own audience?-- >> jimmy: all right >> come on, son! >> jimmy: come -- that's enough >> come on >> jimmy: reggie, why don't you just leave me alone? all right, buddy >> reggie just leave me alone. i want to be alone [ laughter ] >> he went there, jimmy. you know what i'm saying he was here, and then he went there. you know what i mean [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying i can't even watch this. >> jimmy: no, don't -- [ laughter ] >> hey - >> i don't want to watch it no more you know

yeah >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: that's the -- i went with that -- >> steve: jimmy wolfeboro. >> jimmy:hat guy had a bro weekend. it was awesome [ laughter ] >> steve: he trained a roomba to give you a bud light. >> jimmy: he brought me beer and we were like, "whoa, let's do it. it's just the coolest town i love new hampshire i love wolfeboro they have a great parade, fourth of july parade. i had a great time there and gosh, my kids had fun. then they wanted to go to london >> steve: oh >> jimmy: my -- franny, the -- my four-year-old was like, "i want to live in london." i don't know why she said -- just anything but live with me she just wants to go somewhere else [ light laughter ] so she's like -- all right so we went and it was big european family trip it was fun all she wanted -- her and winnie, they wanted to be on a a double decker bus. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: and they wanted to see a mummy. >> steve: oh [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know why in england -- >> steve: "a mummy." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah so -- yeah, "hello, mummy. peppa pig. [ laughter ] no, but --eah, we did --

>> jimmy: okay okay >> and -- yeah, like, wait >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> yes >> jimmy: yeah, fourounting you have the four, five, six high heels and sandals give me a break. you're talking about shoes, because from the interview you were talking about shoes and now it's in your head. >> no, i wasn't. >> jimmy: yes, you were talking about high heels for the mark twain thing [ cheers ] >> oh! >> jimmy: so, let me tell you something, you lie [ cheers and applause ♪ [ ding ] >> oh, no. you know, i got to tell you something. i really pride myself on being a good liar. so i'm incredibly upset right now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, i thought you were going to say impressed. i thought you were going to say impressed. >> no! >> jimgu shall i choose [ audience yelling ] >> jimmy: there is no 11 three? okay somebody yelled, "11." there is no 11 thank you, though. [ laug ] >> oh, it must be heavy. ♪ groaning ] you poor thing >> jimmy: my arms -- >> your arms are killing you >> jimmy: my arms are killing me >> yeah. >> jimmy: here we go here. and that's a - [ light laughter ] abbondanza okay >>

>> jimmy: yeah, yeah you can look, yeah >> okay. >> jimmy: okay >> oh, okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: allll right, i'll have 30 seconds to identify what this is here we go ♪ [ laughter ] >> watch out there [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's freaking me out it feels warm or something it's warm, i don't like it whatever it is [ laughter ] it really grossing me out. this is so odd i can't even describe this i'm not looking at anyone. [ laughter ] oh, man, oh, man can i just put my right hand - >> that's cheating you have to do both. >> jimmy: oh, gosh oh i hate this game so much [ laughter ] i'm going to freak out right now. all right. i'm doing it here we go hey. [ cheers ] ah, ah, ah ah, ah, ah please please oh, my god [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh, oh, it's marshmallow peeps >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: god, you guys are the worst! you are all the worst people you were cringing. you were like -- oh, my god. the worst. my own audience turned on me oh, my god do not trust, especially her oh, my gosh. >> that one? >> jimmy: yes. >> alright, i have my eye on you. >> jimmy: she was makin

>> jimmy: why?mmy: i thought you could eat for free. >> not where i worked. >> jimmy: i want to run by some quick things. you can say yes, no, follow up if you want. is it true you eat dessert first at every meal? >> yes. >> jimmy: is that going to be an option at the restaurant? >> yes. >> jimmy: is it true you tried to bring a samurai sword on an airplane? >> yes. >> jimmy: care eye ry on or che? >> carry on. >> jimmy: is it true you took a full-sized nba jam standup arcade game on the road with you. >> my whole rookie season. >> jimmy: the whole season. >> yes. >> jimmy: that would travel with you. in your pocket or some guys do it? >> on the plane. >> jimmy: you owned a white tiger named diesel that nearly killed you? >> yes. >> jimmy: what happened to diesel? >> well, i saw him one week and he was a kitten. when i came back, he wiz as cha. ly i had to gift him. >> jimmy: you have the world's largest bi largest bed. >> jimm yes. >> jimmy: how do you know it's the world's largest bed? >> because

>> steve: jimmy. >> jimmy: yes?ne >> prinkle >> say trickle >> jimmy: sickle >> steve: sickle, yes.>> ickle. >> jimmy: tickle >> steve: two. >> nickle. >> jimmy: nickle >> steve: nickle, yes! [ cheers and applause ♪ that means jimmy wins. let's see how many people we can get into gabrielle's booth oh ♪ >> jimmy: op wide. come here, please. how ever you can fit in there. oh, of course. oh, my god oh, my god you okay can i help you tara, can you get in in an y? oh, my god all right. johnny, next to the contortionist. >> i'll stand. >> jimmy: phillie phanatic phile phanatic, can you get any -- phillie phanatic, just get your arm in there that's it right there. there yogo ere's our winner [ cheers and applause my thanks to gabrielle union, dj khaled, grant kemmerer, jacob anderson, shaggy, johnny weir, tara lipinski, the big apple circus, and the philadelphia phillies! more "tonight show" after the break. [ cheers and applause ♪ that i won the "best of" i casweepstakes it. and get to be in this geico? let's do the eyebr

jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: thank you very much.hat was great thank you, welcome [ cheers and applause thanks, that was great relax. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. this is it you're here. appreciate it. look, i know you're all just clapping for the air conditioning but i'm still glad you're here [ light laughter ] we're in the middle of a giant heat wave right now with temperatures in the 90s. it's crazy out there i sat on a bench for two minutes. when i got up, my pants had grill marks. [ laughter ] >> steve: really >> jimmy: i saw that officials are telling people that beer -- beer is not a good way to stay hydrated and that you should drink water. when new yorkers heard that, they're like, "okay, coors light it is. [ laughter ] [ applause ]you ys, this heat we roots. >> questlove: thanks jimmy [ cheers and applause so tip number one, stay out the sun and drink lots of water. >> tariq: ah, it's a good one. here's what you should do. you get yourself a klondike bar and use it like a bar of soap. [ laugh

[ laughter ] and then i go, "jimmy fallon." >> jimmy: yes. >> "thanks for being on thow >> jimmy: non a a four?" >> jimmy: don't, my nephew is in the audience. [ laughter ] >> your nephew has a very deep voice.[ ughter ] "lower, jimmy. [ laughter ] lower, say it. >> jimmy: lower. i'm a -- "we'll be here next week to t jimmy's answer." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i do know the game "card sharks" now that you've told me.em i dober this and so, but people win a lot of money. >> okay, so, yeah, i mean, it's like saying tennis is just a a simple game, where two people bhave nets and they throwl over >> jimmy: yeahng there's wageri >> right, it can get up to 690 grand. and so - >> jimmy: why not 700,000? [ laughter ] >> because we want you to talk about it [ laughter ] and you're talking about it. >> jimmy: yeah i really am it must be fun to -- >> no, and i -- this young woman won like $250,000 wi the turn of a card, and she's a single mom, and i don't have eaa heart, i have a ball bng right here, and it just spins around and it's cold and then, all of a sudden, it's like i become the grinch wi

, it's been great to see you, jimmy. >> jimmy: there you go thank you so much. >> all right >> jimmy:in trouble with -- >> well, listen, i was on my way to l.a and i knew that i was going to be arriving, you know, in 5 hours, and i knew that in probably 7 1/2 hours i was going to be hungry >> jimmy: mm-hmm [ laughter ] >> and so i saw a nice sweet potato sitting there ready to go and i just threw it in my suitcase [ laughter ] and of course tsa flagged it and, listen, i love the tsa. >> jimmy: sure, sure >> i think they do a great job i think that they got a job where everybody is pissed or nervous or whatever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tough gig. no one's going to be happy with the tsa. it's tough gig >> oh, such a -- such a tough gig. >> jimmy: so, and you tried to smuggle it you creep. [ laughter ] you sick - you sick - >> but i'm telling you, as soon as the guy called me over, it's like he was on his way opening i was like, "i think it's my sweet potato." [ laughter ] and -- >> jimmy: he's trying to smuggle a sweet potato >> no, actually, what i said was, "it might be a yam, but i'm

and now -- stay put -- jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host.hank you for watching. thank you for coming. welcome, especially to those of you visiting from out of town. you know, it's summer vacation time, and we have a lot of visitors here in california, but you know who's in southern california right now and did not bother to stop by? vice president mike pence. he's at vandenberg, touting the space force. mother packed his pjs and everything. how he got stuck with this space force job, i do not know. while he's here, maybe we can put him on the millennium falcon ride at disney land and tell him it's the space force up and running. meanwhile, back in the white house, the president is pumping his tiny fists. the uk ambassador to the united states resigned today. private comments were leaked and revealed to a tabloid and referred to our stable genius as clumsy, inept and insecure. it did not go over well with his majesty, he called him a stupid guy and banned him from the white house. 24 hours after calling somebody a very stupid guy, the preside

>> jimmy: he said, "jimmy get in my car. [ laughter ] "hey jimmy, quick, get in my car," or somethingwere >> jimmy: yeah >> so you guys were hanging out or just -- [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: no, i didn't know he was there at all ♪ >> it seems true >> it seems true i didn't want it to be >> actually, hang on woah [ light laughter ] you're lying >> jimmy: no, why would i do that, though >> i feel like it's true, because he wasn't sure on the year and he's like trying to make us think that he's lying but it's really the truth. he said, let's say 2002. >> i looked deep within his soul deep within -- yeah, you're lying to me. >> jimmy: you're right, it's a a lie. [ cheers and applause ♪ how cool would that be for a second, did you think? >> yeah, for a second i did, and then i looked at you we played another game where it's like -- don't laugh that game. and there's something there that happened. [ talking over each other >> okay, all right, here we go >> jimmy: i'm going to say -- what do we just go with, number two? what do you think, chris >> this is great, we're just hanging out, three guys

>> jimmy: nothing.>> steve: summer read. >> jimmy: a stranger has kidnapped your chi>> teve: ooh, child, child-d-d-d. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: a stranger has kidnapped your child to free them, you must abduct soone else's child >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: your child will be released when your victim's parents kidnap another child you're now part of "the chain. >> steve: chain-n-n-n-n-n. >> jimmy: it's "the chain., "ask agains" - [ applause ] "fleischman is in trouble. "silent patient. and "the gone dead." vote on which book will be this year's "tonight show" summer read go to your local book stores and even pick them up while you're there go to tonightshow.com/summerreads. vote, or find out whatlyhese books are realbout i give a bad description but that's basically what the idea is. voting ends this wednesday at noon we're going to announce the winning book thursday night on the show >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: it's going to be fun [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with david spade, everybody come

it right now. >> jimmy: it's uncle jimmy, you can't lie to uncle jimmy thank you.say, you lie, my friend [ drumroll ] >> oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god >> you might be right. >> jimmy: he did not lie he's the one and only chance the rapper. [ cheers and applause ♪ the winner, chance the rapper. more "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ get everything you need to go back big at the low prices you love. (v...especially when your easily distracted teenager has the car. the worst... at subaru, we're taking on distracted driving [ping] with sensors that alert you when your eyes are off the road. suru forester. the safest forester ever. guys - i've got an idea. ooh - what is it? so people love iphone xr, right? well, it does have an incredible camera. and it comes in all those amazing colors. uh-huh. what if we give the people iphone xr when they join t-mobile? iphone xr on us? yeah. iphone xr on us. what's not to love about that! for a limited time, join t-mobile and get the awesome iphone x

and now, after all that, jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: welcome, i'm jimmy.'m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. please sit, we have no time to waste. we're already behind. thanks for joining us on a night of dating and debating here in the united states, aka bachelor nation, and we will get to that, "the bachelorette," hannah b is here for after the after the after final rose ceremony. kathy griffin is here. music from of monsters and men and anthony davis is here with us. [cheers and applause] are you ready, guillermo? >> i'm ready, jimmy. >> jimmy: guillermo is a very big lakers fan. >> yeah! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: looks like your mustache traveled north. >> yeah, i know, a little bit. >> jimmy: earlier tonight from the fox theater the first of two democratic debates this week. it's john hickenlooper's election to lose. this was some lineup. it was more pileup than lineup. ten candidates got seven seconds each to solve the health care crisis. there were more characters than on the show "this is us" in this debate.

and now, cashing out, jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. ♪ >>im: , er i'm jimmym the host of the show. thank you very much. appreciate that. i miss you already. very nice. thank you very much. we are coming to you from -- thank you, thank you. please, now it's embarrassing. sit back, relax. we are coming to you from las vegas, nevada. we are in the zappos theater. i came in on an airplane, i'll be leaving on a mobility scooter. here's why vegas is number one. [cheers and applause] i'll explain it. it's not just one city. all the great cities of the world are represented here. you've got new york, paris, rome, margaritaville. vegas is the city that's been jacked up on red bull for 48 hours straight. there is alcohol everywhere here. there's even a bar at drybar. in vegas. even drybar isn't dry. that's how much alcohol there is. but i have to hand it to our crew and staff, even though there have been many temptations to drink to excess, to stay up too late. we have the most professional group here. they've, safety is our number one priority here at the show. i want

>> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: what is the heat index out there?> mucha caliente, very hot. >> jimmy: so guillermo is going to give somebody a cool haircut. who do we have? oh, that's great. what is your name? >> gus. >> jimmy: gus, where are you from? >> i'm from mcallen, texas. >> jimmy: gus, you have a lot of hair, don't you? >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: do you always wear your hair like that? or do you sometimes have it short? >> this is my first year having long hair, i thought i'd give it a try after seeing aquaman. >> jimmy: okay. and what kind of cut are you looking for today, as if it matters? it really doesn't matter. what are you thinking today, gus? >> i'm thinking he's going to get creative. >> jimmy: what have you got, clippers? >> yes. >> jimmy: what number are you going to go at? >> number four. >> jimmy: oh, boy, is it actually coming off? oh, it is coming off. all right, gus, he's got a number four going on you. have you ever had a haircut on the street before? >> never, this is my first time. >> jimmy: do you have any important dates

it's so crazy. >> jimmy: on amc >> yupd >> jimmy: anu're fantastic in it. >> aw, thanks. >> jimmy: you a lot of different looks -- >> jimmy: it's amazing >> for the character who ages up and down through the course of the narrative, the sty. >> jimmy: i mean, hundreds of years. look at this >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean this is scary look at this >> ooh.? >> jimmy: do you like doing prosthetics, or do you - >> i do. i mean, it's an interestinth-- i've never done to this extent and it's certainly a a fascinating part of the process that really allows me to immerse myself in a a character. >> jimmy: sure and we have a fantastic team of people joel harlow, richie elanna, and cheryl daniels - >> jimmy: it looks amazing >> who do all of that. they're incredible, and they really allowed me to kind of dive inta the character in a eper way >> well, i hope you get used to it, because you just got picked up for season two. >> yeah, we did yeah thanks, man. [ cheers and applause it's a good segue, yeah. jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's zachary quinto in "nos4a2. take a look. >> and you b

>> jimmy: let's do it together yeah >> okay. >> jimmy: i'll follow your lead >> okay. >> jimmy: i meanwe go okay >> i hope you stretched out your hamstrings. [ light laughter ]s oseness. >> jimmy: i -- >> get over here [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: madonna, everybody [ cheers and applause that's all the time we have for "neon dance battle." stick around we're talking to madonna after the break. this is something big. this is something bigger. that is big. not as big as that. big. bigger. big. bigger. this is big. and that's bigger. over time, you go noseblind to the odors in your home. (background music) but others smell this... (upbeat music) that's why febreze plug has two alternating scents and eliminate odors for 1200 hours. ♪breathe happy febreze... ♪la la la la la. comfort and security for thethe little ones inside.des possibly the inspiration behind hanes comfort flex fit with a breathable pouch. that...and probably this. (yells) hanes comfort flex fit. ♪ this is how driving should feel. the tech-advanced nissan leaf. the best sel

i'm not sure he's going to be able to make it to the show tonight. >> jimmy, jimmy, jimmy!my: oh, hey, look at this! ♪ what's happening? how are you? it's carrot top, everybody. how are you doing? >> i brought some stuff for you. hope you like this. this is good for everybody tonight, seriously, this is great. make your friends wear this when they go out drinking tonight. when they pass out, leave them wherever the hell they are. [ applause ] wheel' be back. this one's brand-new. it's still wet. it's a new wedding cake for nicolas cage. >> jimmy: oh! >> i put it on an etch-a-sketch. he's a friend, too. crap! >> jimmy: that's convenient. >> is it taco night? it should be taco night, right? >> jimmy: it's taco wednesday. >> it's the mexi-can opener. this might be my best stuff ever. >> jimmy: what else do you have? >> this is the deluxe model of the mexi-can opener. you want to see it? >> jimmy: i would love to see it. >> i think this opens a can of beer. >> hi! there's the mexi-can opener. have a great night! >> jimmy: carrot top, everybody! >> yeah! ♪ >> jimmy: carrot top,

> jimmy: but then somebody said, "oh, it's just jimmy and horatio. >> knock it on [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did not say "knock --" >> knock it on >> jimmy: he didn't say "knock it on. [ laughter ] "knock it on." now i'm doing jimmy stewart. i want to talk about -- dude, "black monday. you're fantastic in it 's on showtime on demand if you want to check it out it's getting a little emmy buzz, just want to say >> thank you>> immy: congratulations on that, bud. i like that. >> oh, yeah, yeah, it's a great show don cheadle is amazing it's about the '80s so we're the '80s, get in smokeilled rooms, and it's insane how times have changed, you know, as far as -- >> jimmy: yeah >> how office politics were. even then there weren't that many people of color in the stock market so this kind of -- this dude, who is a real man, he kind of started this office and just kind of took all the people that others didjut want and kind of like, kicked ass in the '80s. >> jimmy: this is wall street in the '80s, and -- but also this is the crash, right >> yeah. it's the cras

run. >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you moved to tokyo. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause >> jimmyapan. and so, itas a really great combination. so in a way, it was easy >> jimmy: but was it - it was definitely not easy but what was the -- for you?e was it the noomaking, was it the umami talk me through, get nerdy [ light laughter ] >> you know what i think, i decided to make my own noodles and i decided to put whole grain in it, no one had ever done it before and i was super geeky about it and i got so into and it was just a little ten-seat shop. so you know, it was just easy to kind of focus so we made one kind of ramen >> jimmy: yeah, that's it. >> yeah.an >> jimmy: now, you came back home, hometown kid done well >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you're opening up all these -- aryou opening up any more restaurants? >> i'm opening a couple more on thldeast coast, and then wor domination >> jimmy: yes! of course. [ cheers and applause this is your - this is your second cookbook here this is "the gaijin cookbook." available for preorder now it comes out september 24th. what is this one about

>> jimmy: oh, yeah.hat a wonderful time to be alive. >> jimmy: yeah, you said that. >> it's worth repeating, james. let me ask you something. does your penis have abs? >> jimmy: no, it does not. >> can you claim it as a dependent? >> jimmy: i don't think so. >> well, i can. >> jimmy: you requescan? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. is that -- >> a satisfied customer. i once saw it eat a whole baby pig. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> isn't he magnificent? >> jimmy: this has taken a bit of a turn. i thought you were going to apologize. i really thought you were -- >> excuse me, what do you apologize for when you have a five-star banana condo like this. >> jimmy: good-bye, vince, thank you for all of your time. all right, we've got a good show for you tonight. music from spoon. the coach of the rams, sean mcvay is here. and we'll be right back with billy eichner. sao so stick around. >>> abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by mercedes benz. in crossing harsh terrain or breaking new ground? this is the time t

jimmy: wow!we love you.co thank you for ming back. >> oh, i love being here >> jimmy: i know you just got back, you were just in asia. >> i was, yeah >> jimmy: how does that jet lag feel >> it's amazing. [ laughter ] the beijing to tokyo from new york jet lag, i ofways say it's sort ike whitewater rafting backwards.ht [ lauger ]re but you'ot whitewater rafting backwards. you're in the middle of an interview. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're living in hell right now. yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: thank you for coming >>re t's pretty crazy no, it's fine. >> jimmy: we love you. >> this could get a little psychedelic. >> jimmy: good [ laughter ] good, i love it. going to be great., it's [ laughter ] stay tuned for that. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you posted this recently on instagra and - >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: it really -- it was -- that's you. >> that is me.>> immy: as a child [ audience aws ] that is me as a little - i think, about three years old there. >> jimmy: three years old. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it says, "this

and now, most likely, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy sha ji l host of the show. thanks for watching, thank you for coming and being a part of my life. i appreciate you. it's very nice and thank you for joining us as we gear up for the big event tomorrow, live from congress, the robert mueller show. the special counsel will at long last appear before the special committee to talk about his report on collusion basically, he's allowed to answer questions about anything as long as we already know it or don't care about it, so the justice department has instructed robert mueller to quote, remain within boundaries. is that necessary? he seems to me like, robert mueller is the guy who use the dividers in the grocery store checkout line even when there's nobody behind him. the president weighed in on this and wrote highly conflicted robert mueller should not be given another bite at the apple. in the end it will be bad for him and the phony democrats in congress who have done nothing but waste time on this ridiculous witch-hunt. no obstruction, no collusion. if you type

and now, most definitely, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, thank you.ickey, i appreciate that. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching, thank you for coming. we have quite a show for you tonight. gentlemen who would like to be president of the united states, the senator from vermont, bernie sanders is here with us tonight. bernie ran for president in 2016 and is hoping people are still feeling the bern, however, if you are still feeling that after three years, you should probably consult a robert mueller appeared in congress for nearly seven hours for q&a, more q than a. and he is a life-long republican who spent the day being abused by his party. at one point, melania had to come in and tell them to be best. they tried to distract us from the crimes our president committed. fox news went so far to bring in a body language expert to suggest mueller wasn't being entirely forthcoming. >> he holds his fingers together and his tongue juts out. number one, when you keep your hands like this you are showing restraint. when you stick your t

lee >> jimmy: spike lee. >> jimmy: i love spike [ cheers ] >> me too. >> jimmy: that's amazing do yoube, or not yet? >> i hope it's a good placement like -- i hope it -- you kn, what let me shut up [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, noit she appreciates >> over there. >> jimmy: she loves it anywhere yeah i thought like, we should do like hollywood a walk of fame a likeew york hall of fame here in new york city? >> you know what oh my -- >> jimmy: i think -- >> that's a great idea [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: there's so many tongists, and a lot of walki >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a very walkable city we should do something like that here. >> well you guys do a lot of walking here >> jimmy: we do. >> yeah, i drive around the corner, which is bad you need to walk around the corner, people >> jimmy: no, no [ laughter that's l.a that's california. >> we do we do drive everywhere >> jimmy: in california, they're like, "oh, my gosh walk." like the best place to i go, "where?" and she goes, "just take the 405 to the 1 >> jimmy: i go, "i have to drive to walk?o >> tlk [ laughter ] yeah, exactly. >

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching.hank you for coming. thank you for joining us here in sunny los angeles where a, anyone still feeling nervous about the earthquakes? we had two big earthquakes, as you likely know, over the weekend. god tried the bottle cap challenge this weekend with all the bottles in california. and now, now, as the aftershocks die down, we're just sitting here waiting for the next one. guillermo, are you prepared for an earthquake? >> yes, of course. >> jimmy: do you have an emergency kit at home? >> yes, i do. we're going to get under the table and backpack by the door with water. >> jimmy: do you have the backpack itself? >> yes. >> jimmy: what's in it? >> water, cookies and tequila. >> jimmy: okay. [cheers and applause] >> i do. >> jimmy: that would be fine if were you the cookie monster, but you need to have bandages. you need iodine, you need all of that stuff. in fact, i went online, and i've been looking at emergency-type products. this is how i calm myself down. i go and buy things. but the

>> jimmy: oh, yeah >> we hung out with those guys >> jimmy: coven. >> yeah, the coven >> jimmy: yeah,." we were laughing so hard, i couldn't see i was crying [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: we had so many good moments like that and just so many goof-off moments i was thinking about do you remember when we played with the whiffle ball in the hallways >> yeah. well see, me and jimmy would live in new york all year, a a lot. >> jimmy: yeah >> so we would be messing around, like, "let's just go to the office and do something. probably, let's write. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's write a sketch >> yeah, let's get ahead of everybody and write a bunch of sketches in july >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> so we'd go to our offices, and you know, in this beautiful building, so it's kind of awesome to be here then we always had guitars -- the backpacker guitar -- we always had little toys around, the organ and then we had a whiffle ball bat and started playing whiffle ball bat through the hallways >> jimmy: full-on -- >> full-on whiffle ball bat. >> jimmy: pitching and everything -- hard pitch

[ knocking ] >> jimmy, show is in two minutes. >> jimmy: be right there stephen? stephen, you there >> yeah, i'm here, jimmyst i'm ju trying on a new bandana. i'll tell you what, let's change frequencies t the writers listenthis one [ static ] that better. what's up?im >> j: hey, i just want to wish you good luck this week i know we're both back with new shows. so, good luck. >> aw, thanks, jimmy hey, man, do you wanna do that thing? >> jimmy: right now? >>eah. let's do it. >> okay. ♪ turn arndt look aat you see e mirror of your dreams ♪ ♪ make believ i'm everywhere given in the light ♪ ♪ written on the pager is the answeto a never ending story♪ ♪ ahh >> hey you're doing the thing from "stranger things." >> jimmy: what >> the thing from "stranger things." the "stranger things" thing. love that thing. >> why was he talking about "strger things"? >> jimmy: i don't know never seen it. ♪ never ending story [ cheers and applause ♪ >> sve: from 30 rockefeller plaza here in new york city, rr's "the tonight show stag jimmy fallon." and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon

[ lahter ] you've got - >> jimmy: right, right so hands high is - >> hi. >> jimmy: yeahh. >> >> jimmyb ideas >> you want to pitch me? >> jimmy: yeah, i'd love to. [ light laughter ] h yeah, i really want r if you -- i have a great -- ready for my new idea >> okay. >> jimmy: all righ 's called -- it's called veyetamins >> okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but e-y-e. they're eye drops. eye drop vitamins. >> eye drop vitamins >> jimmy: veyetamins >> for your eye drops. >> jimmy: so people that don't like taking pills. >> yeah. >> jimmy: or swallowing -- and you want vitamin c, drop, drop >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: veyetamins [ applause ] no >> yeah -- yeah. yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, how about this this one's a slam dunk >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, kraft singles. right? >> right, yeah >> jimmy: make them into circles. [ laughter ] for hamburgers why is there a square on my burger make them circles. >> for hamburgers. >> jimmy: yeah, for just hamburgers cause the bread is square. you don't want, like, a circle on the bread >> jimmy: yeah, bread is square >> you'd lose

they sold that years ago. >> jimmy: it's a very good point. >> jimmy is so naive. >> jimmy: i know.t miller's outpost, selling levi's. it's a different upbringing. >> lees were hot then. >> jimmy: lees were. no. this is post lee time. >> i bought lees when i went through my cowboy phase. i name is tracy morgan aka true grit. aka cacaligula. >> jimmy: bootleg or straight leg? >> i wore boot cut singing. i'd better stop singing. i'll get sued. ♪ you got to count your money when the crack head is coming down the street ♪ >> jimmy: very well done. i know you are right now -- you're in the frame of mind of hosting the espys on wednesday nights. >> espys. that's like the sports oscars. >> jimmy: it is. >> you hosted everything. >> jimmy: i did host that show. >> i went to that thing in the white house, the dinner? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you hosted that. >> jimmy: i know. i was there. >> yeah. i love you. i love being there, man. i just love me some corrupt senators. >> jimmy: have you been watching women's soccer? have you watched the world cup? >> yeah. they all went to the white house. righ

. >> jimmy: starr. >> sta >> jimmy: star >> star.n the moon it's warm in space ♪ ♪ with you my frien two stings on the moon when do you think ♪ e ♪ this song mightnd two stings o two stings on the moon ♪ [ cheers and applause >> hey ♪ the song will end the song will en quite soon ♪ [ cheers and applause [ cheersnd applause [ harmonizing [ coughing ] applause [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ with advanced automotive technology, available on the nissan rogue, you'll be equipped to help protect the momentsr that mattemost. this is tech that gives you confiden. this is nissan intelligent mobility. this is you shopping. and this is you maximizing at t.j.maxx. get more of the brands you love and quality you want, and save every time. it's not shopping, it's maximizing. maxx life at t.j.maxx. ♪ t protecyour pet with the #1 name in flea and tick protection. frontline plus. trusted by vets for nearly 20 years. did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes? try dawn ultra. dawn is for more than just dishes. cl

and now, for the time being, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy.'m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us. i don't know if you know, this is the biggest week of the year for nerds in southern california. as of tonight, just down the interstate, about 120 miles which would take you, i don't know, maybe nine hours from here, down the 405, comic-con is under way, the 50th annual comic-con. hard to believe this has been going on for 50 years. you know, some of the original attendees who were living in their parents' basements for the first comic-con are now living in their grandparents' basements. their own kids living under them. did you know every year at comic-con at least five people die from getting their cape stuck in an escalator. it also is world emoji day, this is an international event organized by whom i don't know. but on behalf of everyone at the show, smile eye face with hearts for eyes, prayer hands, prayer hands and a thumb up to you. some parent are concerned that their kids are usi

so - >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah, man >> jimmy: dude, this is amazing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this will get youdm. >> jimmy: could we know -- will me know it's you when we hear you? >> no, no, no. you won't know it's me [ light laughter ] it's very, very weird. i it's like -- do like a lot of the background noises. lll i'm dead serious >> jimmy: are you sure that you're in this movie >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you sure [ laughter ] >> in very small parts if you see an antelope grazing or you see - >> jimmy: wow. >> i'm so serious ght now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, so they -- you went in -- they had chance the rapper come in. and then you - >> a yeah -- >> jimmy: and they said, "hey, can you do an antelope grazing? >> yes >> jimmy: and what -- can you give us an idea of what that would be like? hi>> i'll do it for free t time but usually -- >> jimmy: close your eyes, everybody. close your eyes and picture, if you will, an antelope grazing. [ grazing sounds ] does that sound -- >> jimmy: wow, that's unbelievable ♪ i felt like there was an antelope grazing right in front of me. >> right in ont of y

>> jimmy: i've been seeing a a speech coachal >> steve: re >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: where at >> jimmythe chelsea piers. [ light laughter ] >> steve: chelsea piers? >> jimmy: chelsea piers -- >> steve: a speech coach at chelsea -- >> jimmy: yeah, over - yeah, over by, you know, the golf - the driving range. >> steve: and how -- [ light aughter ] how do youually -- how do they do the class i mean, what do you do there >> jimmy: well, once we get -- >> steve: throw softballs at you? and you hit 'em th a ball? >> jimmy: well, once we get there, we sit dewn in a -- >> steve: sit dewn, yeahmy [ light laughter ]n a churr. and we have a discussion [ light laughter ] >> steve: is your speech coach s fromweden? [ laughter ] is this a swedish -- j >>my: ya, ya ya sure. ya >> steve: it's the swedish chef he's a muppet.'s correct [ laughter ] these are the books, right there. that's t books right there so you don't know which one's gonna win. but i think it's -ng it's goio be one of these two, i think >> steve: wait, you don't know >> jimmy: i do know. >> steve: oh [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it'

jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hello, everyone. i'm jimmy.hank you for watching, thank you for coming to join us. thank you for everything, really. this is, well, i'm glad you're in a great mood. because today we celebrate one of our most cherished holidays in this country. today is 7-eleven, also known as free slurpy day. [cheers and applause] although, you know, any day can be free slurpy day if you drink them fast enough. people love this holiday. they've been doing this for 17 years now. and it's much more popular than 7-eleven's other big promotional holiday, free wrinkled tiny hot dog that's been sitting out since the bush administration. i believe that's october 8. today's the day you spend hours waiting in line for a slurpy for free, or you can pay a dollar any other day and get one in like two seconds, nothing against slurpies. as a general rule, i don't drink anything that has the word "pee" in it. we have a good show, the director of the lin"the lion ki jojon favreau is here. and from the usa soccer team, alex morgan and megan rapi

>> jimmy: yes!y would you bring as your plus one >> hmm, honestly >> jimmy: say who you want >> idris elba. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: ha, i knew it! i knew it! i knew it! he's too good looking. he is too good looking okay, roots, we have kayla who teaches math at the york early college academy. [ light laughter ] york early college academy and you better put the whole thing in t[ re ughter ] if she went to the met gala as an office supply, she would dress up as a stapler. and her date, of course, would be idris elba. the one and only we love him. [ applause ] for this next one, i love that van halen song "hot for teacher. can you do something le -- oh, come on. something like that? yeah, it's a good song [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ kayla's the yor early college academ school is cool ♪t ♪ she wasn'fool she made sure every studen passed ♪ ♪ the kind of teacher who'd show up to the met gal dressed as a stapler ♪ ♪ but only a staple with a lot more class ♪ ♪ she'd probably brin idris elba as plus