>> jimmy: wow. >> steve: two thumbs >> jimmy: two thumbs >> jimmy: thank you, joe biden supporting universal applause ] he's young >> steve: he's just a young man. >> jimmy: he's a young man >> steve: don't judge. >> jimmy: come on. ♪ing, for introducing us all to the fun new game, allergies or covid [ laughter and applause i got covid. what do i do >> steve: scratchy throat, yes >> jimmy: go away -- oh, my gosh, i'm gonna die. ♪ thank you, spring cleaning i can't wait to clean my house and wipe down every surface after spending a full year cleaning my house and wiping down every surface [ applause ] oh dude, you can do your best impression >> steve: oh, yeah >> jimmy: a windex bottle. >> steve: ready, do it >> jimmy: ready? [ window cleaning sounds ] [ laughter ] [ window cleaning sounds ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's been a while. >> steve: yeah, well >> jimmy: it's been a while buddy. >> steve: come on, we're back! >> jimmy: for your consideration, emmy voters [ laughter ] >> steve: any voters >> jimmy: any voters ♪ thank you, firing up the grill the first time this season, fo

jump on it >> jimmy: so heavy >> right okay >> jimmy: see what i'm saying, dude >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm>> i'm a vulcan. from the first star trek >> jimmy: okay it's a baby yoda >> baby yoda >> jimmy: yeah, and there's money coming out of his mouth. >> yoda don't even like money. >> jimmy: that's probably why he's throwing it up. >> he owe luke some money. why you think him and darth vader had problems >> jimmy: so you think i'm tell - >> i think you're lying. you might even be habitual [ laughter ] you might be - >> jimmy: you're correct, i was lying. you got it you got it, man. ♪ yeah, you know me too well all right. let's do one more round. this one's worth 10,000 points whoever wins this wins the whole thing. tracy. pick a box >> i'm asking my squad, which one should i pick, y'all number one >> jimmy: all right, here we go >> i pick four >> jimmy: quattro. >> pretty heavy. >> jimmy: whoa, sounded heavy. >> you ready >> jimmy: whenever you're ready, tell me what's in your box, dude. >> i'm going to tell you -- oh, man, this is dope. >> jimmy: this is dope all right. look at this okay

right now on jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, jesse tyler ferguson. vanessa kirby. and music from niko moon. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thanks. hi. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us from california. new home of harry and meghan, the artist formerly known as prince and his wife, where the fallout continues from the oprah interview heard round the world. buckingham palace today released queen that begins, the whole - family is saddened. saddened is another word for bull [ bleep ]. to learn the full extent of how challenging the last few years for harry and meghan, oh, they just found out. the issues raised, particularly of race, are concerning. while some recollections are varied they will be addressed privately. in other words, prince charles is about to get a royal slew in his ass. [ laughter ] keeping it real, yo, the queen. [ laughter ] that was a diplomatic way of putting it. that's now how i would go in my family. if the matriarch

>> i got the memo. >> jimmy: khloe. >> yes >> jimmy: wow. >> ask her >> jimmy: wow. >> yes >> jimmy:ke, i said, "oh, you want to give me the results of the covid test? they go, "go to khloe's and if the second gate opens, you're negative." >> jimmy: go to khloe b's. go to khloe b's. >> yes >> go khloe b's. and the gate opened. i was like, "all right, i don't have covid." i'm good >> jimmy: so you made it through second gate. >> i did >> jimmy: and there's a third gate >> there are so many gates, i don't even remember, honestly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and what were they like >> they were amazing the lighting setup is very intense. they looked so beautiful and they're all kind of casually hanging out on these swings behind khloe's house. it was wild. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip from the series here's andy cohen with the kardashians in "for real, the story of reality tv. take a look at this. >> what do you think the legacy of the show is >> just family over everything i think at the start of the show, our first meeting was that we just wanted to make sure that

welcome back to the show >> jimmy, jimmy, jimmy it's good to be black. not getting it back i'm just telling you now >> jimmy: we leant it to you we have ways - >> no. >> jimmy: for this interview, and you cannot keep it >> you cannot have it. you're going to have to come here and take it from me take it from me, jimmy >> jimmy: hey, i want to say, you have a birthday coming up this friday. so, happy early birthday >> thank you, thank you, thank you. you know, last year, this time, i was doing "genius," and we were having a great time we had maybe another episode and a half to go before we finished and i was so looking -- we were going to have a wrap party i found the band for it and everything and we were so excited my birthday was coming up. and i said they were going to do something for my birthday and when my birthday came, they said, "court, you got to get out of here. we're locking down." and i said, "what about my birthday party it was number 6-0. it was a big deal. "go home, court. >> jimmy: wow! "go home, and we will celebrate -- let your family

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for watching on st. patrick's day eve. are you ready for it? >> guillermo: i'm ready. >> jimmy: what are you going to do? >> guillermo: drink and eat. >> jimmy: do you know the traditional foods? >> guillermo: i'm going to eat tacos and spaghetti. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it, that's right. very irish. this will not be the usual beer-soaked parade this year. the cdc is urging americans to engage in virtual celebrations. in an official statement today, "recommend all americans stay home this st. patrick's day and get blackout drunk alone, like real irishmen." [ cheers and applause ] and i, for one, am offended. but we must remain vigilant. the fear is that a fourth wave of the virus is coming. the white house is trying to get as many people vaccinated before the new, more contagious variants lead to another surge. it's a race against time and stupidity. people keep saying they're over the pandemic. which it's a virus, it's not words with friends. [ laugh

[ laughter ] jimmy?ack? cool we're here with the crazy talented actress, you know her, you love her, lizzy olsen, guys [ cheers and applause liz, need a chill pill >> as if [ light laughter ] i just needed a sec, too wait who's laughing >> jimmy: tipper gore? who do you think [ laughter ] >> no, seriously who's laughing jimmy, you don't have an audience ♪ are you doing all of this? is this because you want things to be back to normal right? like before the pandemic no no don't! ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back, guys i'm here with elizabeth olsen. you good, bud? >> jimmy, you have to stop i know the present is scary. and we all want covid to be over but you -- you can't just run from your problems >> jimmy: you know that's great point. anyway, it's time to lick it for ten. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy, snap out of it okay, this isn't reality i know you're trying to cope i know that. but you can't keep controlling all of this. >> jimmy: i'm not controlling all of this. >> jimmy, look at m

, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh my god.i don't believe in that cgi crap! [ laughter and applause ] >> nobody, nobody likes cgi. say it with me. nobody likes cgi! >> jimmy: yeah. looks like your cgi is black is what it is, yeah. >> will you be my agent? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, i would. i would be honored to be your agent. if we can drop this bit. >> we can drop the bit. >> jimmy: yes. beautifully done. [ cheers and applause ] i see another emmy nomination. h. [ cheers and applause it's all funny, but when we go to a commercial and come back and make no mention of the fact that your face is beaten? people are going to be disturbed. >> i want to get this makeup every time. [ laughter ] i think it looks great. >> jimmy: it would be a great running gag, yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: by the way, i thought you were fantastic in this movie. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i was wondering, i was wondering how this happened. because it is a really good action movie. >> oh, good. >> jimmy: and obviously you're, yo

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. we so much to get to eddie murphy and arsenio are standing by. but first, don't get too excited, but first, the return of the mythical creature known as donald trump who was at cpac, which sounds like the antibiotic you get after being exposed to ted cruz in a hot tub. but it's not. it is the conservative political action committee convention. where things got off to a maga-nificent start. ♪ that our flag ♪ ♪ was still there ♪ ♪ oh, say ♪ ♪ does that ♪ ♪ star-spangled ♪ ♪ banner ♪ ♪ yet wave ♪ ♪ o'er the land of the free ♪ ♪ eeeeee >> jimmy: and that was the best part of the whole thing. [ cheers and applause ] that was the highlight. the main event was fiberace himself. after weeks of hibernation, donald trump emerged from his hiding. he was more than an hour late getting started. but once he got onstage, not only was the magic back, he was surprisingly diplomatic. some might even say supportive of his successor in the white house. >> jimmy: joe biden has had

: it did have an attitude >> okay, ready >> jimmy: yes. >> all right, jimmy. >> jimmy: here we go >>sir >> jimmy: make this sound. [ squeaking [ laughter ] that sounds like me on prom night. [ laughter ] [ squeaking [ imitating squeaking [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause >> holy -- okay. >> jimmy: wow. >> it's -- this is normal. [ laughter ] okay, jimmy make this -- [ laughter ] this is ridiculous okay, jimmy, make this sound [ bass line [ singing low note ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause it was like the breeders a-ooh. >> jimmy: a-ooh-ah >> both: a-ooh-ah. >> jimmy: was that breeders? >> yeah. >> jimmy: maya rudolph, make this sound [ whirring ] [ whirring ] [ whirring ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: okay my turn. >> oh, it's your turn all right. >> jimmy: i see it oh >> okay, jimmy, make this sound. >> jimmy: gosh [ fart noise ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's no way -- that's not how you sit on -- like wow >> here, maybe it's better if i sit on it, right >> jimmy: probably >> stand by. i'm a professional [ laughter ] okay, jimmy, make this sound [ fart noi

>> jimmy: yes. want to meet something dog? i go, "i have no idea what that is i'm just here to say hi to kevin. they go, "well, the owners were like, you can say hello to whatever it was. and so i went in there was like a line of people waiting to meet this dog the dog was in one of the rooms backstage. like he had his own dressing room >> i mean, every -- every anecdote from before the pandemic seems dislocating now to me, that's one of the weirdest anecdotes i've ever heard. i feel like you've thrown that out, jimmy, like that's a normal thing to say. "i met this famous dog backstage of a kevin hart concert," is a sequence of words in the english language i don't think have ever been said before >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> "this famous dog backstage at a kevin hart concert and it looked disappointed. and i kind of got it >> jimmy: i want to talk about some topical things if you don't mind >> let's do it >> jimmy: something everybody is talking about is prince harry and meghan's interview with oprah

musical guest camilo and featuring the legendary roots crew and now here he is, jimmy fallon ♪ >> jimmyank you very much! hey! oh, come on! looking good thank you very much! hello! thank you! thank you very much. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everyone [ cheers and applause well, guys, i want to start off by wishing everyone a very happy st. patrick's day! [ cheers and applause yep, instead of pfizer and moderna, people just stayed home and did shots of jameson. yep, all day we got to play a fun game drunk co-worker or bad zoom connection [ light laughter ] so - st. patrick's day during covid is pretty strange. you've got to stay six feet apart. or as irish dads call it, hugging. [ laughter ] the cdc put out guidelines for how to celebrate you know, it's a fun holiday when you're getting tips from people in lab coats. isn't that fun yeah there weren't any big parades today. my question is, is it really st. patrick's day if i can't watch a guy on fifth avenue puke into a green hat at 8:00 a.m.? you know i mean, are we really celebrating when i can't see a a subway grate

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thank you, hi. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show and i welcome you to it. we are coming to you from our headquarters in hollywood on what was thankfully an uneventful day in washington, d.c. today was supposed to be a big one for the aluminum foil hat crowd. march 4th was the day trump would return to power. return to glory. i woke up this morning, said to my wife "is he president again?" she said, "no, he's not." [ laughter ] they screwed up again. i never thought i'd say this, but i'm starting to not trust my qanon message boards. [ laughter ] donald trump was not re-inaugurated as the prophecy foretold. he was not sworn in. he did not order the military to capture the pope. he did take his pills without the nurse having to wrap them in salami today, so that was good. [ laughter ] otherwise, we didn't hear a peep out of him. the police were on high alert outside the capitol because of threats, fears of the kind of violence we saw on january 6th. the house even canceled their session today out of an abundan

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for joining us at our home away from work from home. let's hear it for dogs, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] some weird stuff goes on here before the show. [ laughter ] i have some interesting health news to report. there is a great new way to get the vaccine, anybody can get it, all you have to do is move to alaska. as of last night, alaska became the first state to offer the vaccine to every resident over the age of 16. which, of all places, the one state where everyone is already socially distant. [ laughter ] people move to alaska just to be six feet apart. but they had a big leg up on everyone else, first because the population is low, and secondly, the vaccines don't go bad when your whole state is a freezer. [ laughter ] so, good for them. on the opposite end of the pandemic spectrum, texas is opening their lungs up to all the covid you can breathe. texas today lifted their state-wide mask mandate. governor greg abbott said he was lifting the mandate against the advic

>> jimmy, jimmy. keep it moving. if you want to keep your legs moving. all right? >> jimmy: oh.challenge -- the challenge with satire is -- >> jimmy: oh, we're back -- >> honey, honey, rafael's outside. here's the cash. >> all right, okay, what does he want? >> two pfizers, a moderna -- >> what's the name, sacha baron postmates? all right. >> jimmy: what is happening? >> whoa. >> jimmy: are you selling -- you said -- are you selling vaccines to mark ruffalo? >> leave it, jimmy! >> jimmy: all right, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> isla, you look higher than don jr. have you been drinking vaccines? how many have you had? >> two, i've had two! >> how many? >> 15! >> jimmy: oh my god. you know, this is -- well, besides -- i think this is illegal, but it seems like you should be focusing on your oscar campaign. you're nominated for awards, you're nominated for s.a.g. awards. it seems you should be focused on the oscars right now, right? >> this is my oscar campaign. [ laughter ] jimmy. put it this way. none of the hollywood foreign press are catching covid any time soon. [ laughter ] [ ch

jimmy: i love it.ot rather than the stick of education. >> jimmy: yep. >> and it is so beautifully shot, too. it just looks good >> they go all over, trying new foods. and i love that because, you know, having two little girls, i always try to get them to try anything new they're really adventurous eaters they're great. >> oh, that's terrific >> jimmy: the younger one loves artichokes >> oh, wow i mean, that's pretty fancy! i think i had my first artichoke when i was in college and i didn't know what to do with it. i felt like an idiot [ laughter ] >> jimmy: me too, i think i ate the whole leaf >> your child will get ahead of it [ laughter ] that's the beauty. it's like the topics are endless. it's like now that you mentioned it, artichoke. that's got to be an episode. >> jimmy: were you good at trying new foods growing up? >> no. i was a picky eater. you know, in fact, i ate peanut butter and jelly for breakfast until i was in college i didn't like breakfast food i didn't like pancakes or waffles or e

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you very much. oh, hi. thanks, thanks. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us on "international women's day." a day on which we celebrate the many achievements of women around the world by watching "the bachelor" and gossiping about the queen. [ laughter ] that's what we were doing around here today. did you see the interview last night? oprah returned with meghan and harry. in what will surely go down in history as the most shocking gender reveal party of all time. [ laughter ] at least 17 million americans watched. only the super bowl and the season premiere of "the equalizer" featuring another queen, latifah, had more viewers this year. [ laughter ] that's huge. if only there was a way these oprah specials could vaccinate people too. it would be amazing. it was a riveting two hours. i had no interest in watching this, like none. then my wife put it on and i was like, "wait, rewind that! what did he -- what? this prince charles is an animal!" did you watch it, guillermo? >> no, i did not

big jimmy. a mask. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody ♪ ♪

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hello. wow, that's me, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show, thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on what was, i have to admit, an unproductive day here at work. we were very distracted by this deep fake family tree technology. have you seen this? the website my heritage came up with something they call "deep nostalgia." you upload an old photograph usually of a long-deceased family member and it brings them to life, it animates their face. i tried it with my great grandfather. pasquale cioffi. born in the 1800s. you can see where i got my face. [ laughter ] it's unsettling. this technology, it's a great way to see what your ancestors would have looked like shortly after having a stroke. [ laughter ] it's not just for dead people. we did one for guillermo. [ laughter ] guillermo, this is what it would look like if youdrank dayquil and nyquil at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] >> guillermo: that's weird. >> jimmy: it's weird, right? >> guillermo: very weird. >> jimmy: security forces are on high ale

i love you we'll be right back. >> i love you, jimmy love you jimmy >> jimmy: karol g, everybody whenquestions in my head, filling me with dread ♪ ♪ so many options ♪ ♪ what's the right razor? ♪ so much back hair, should i get lazer? ♪ should he get lazer? ♪ ♪ do i wear too much cologne? ♪ ♪ should i shave my thinning dome? ♪ ♪ i've become my dad i'm like his clone ♪ ♪ you got questions, we got answers ♪ ♪ you got questions, we got answers ♪ ♪ we got you ♪ ♪ now at a store near you ♪ we'll bring can't waits curbside, and must-haves to the door. ♪♪ it's how walmart makes it easy to bring the spring. ♪♪ alright, guys, no insurance talk on beach day. -i'm down. -yes, please. [ chuckles ] don't get me wrong, i love my rv, but insuring it is such a hassle. same with my boat. the insurance bills are through the roof. -[ sighs ] -be cool. i wish i could group my insurance stuff. -[ coughs ] bundle. -the house, the car, the rv. like a cluster. an insurance cluster. -woosah. -[ chuckles ] -i doubt that exists. -it's a bundle! it's a bundle, and it saves you money! hi. i'm flo from progressive,

>> jimmy: yeah >> hit the button? >> jimmy: yeah, perfect. called "wet leaves." there you have it, everybody those are my thank you notes thank you so much to my helpers. we'll be right back with more "tonight show," everybody. ♪ [alarm rings] ♪ ♪ hey. wake up! take your olly gummies, and dominate your day. because when you take olly gummies, nothing can stop you. olly! did you steal my cheetos again? it wasn't me. ♪but i caught you at the counter♪ it wasn't me. ♪saw you snackin' on the sofa♪ it wasn't me. ♪i even caught you on camera♪ it was shaggy! it was her. i watched her eat them. new cheetos crunch pop mix. ♪ ♪ it was her. i watched ♪ ♪ eat them. (quiet piano music) ♪ ♪ comfort in the extreme. the lincoln family of luxury suvs. ♪♪ ♪ hello sunshine ♪ ♪ i'm so glad to see you sunshine ♪ ♪ hello sunshine ♪ ♪ it's been dark for such a long time ♪ ♪ hello sunshine ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: guys, since we're back at home, i thought it would be fun to do another installment of ask the fallons this where my wife nancy and i answer questions that you guys s

no, jimmy, you know me.ve workaholic. >> jimmy: you are kind of, aren't you? what have you been working on? it seems like you've done jobs that didn't even exist to get this far. >> that is true. even when i -- i said yes to everything offered. i was on every zoom game show. and believe me -- it's funny you say that about zoom and everyone coplains about zoom, but could you imagine being the president of zoom? it's like, we are providing an essential service and everyone [ bleep ]ing hates us! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and we're not charging them anything for it! >> yeah, it's free and they're all furious about us! another miracle of technology, great. >> jimmy: should have put them on your shirt. >> i feel like every a-list celebrity basically went on vacation for the first part of covid. they're like, oh, i had to be in cancun. [ laughter ] and hide there. so i just was like, us d-listers, i said yes to everything. >> jimmy: you did, yeah. >> even when you went on vacation, i hosted your show. [ cheers and ap

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. welcome, thank you. top of the almost morning to ya. happy st. patrick's day. this is interesting, it's a bit of history i didn't know. i googled st. patrick today and the first line that came back was "st. patrick wasn't actually irish." that's fake news too? [ laughter ] who the hell knew that? st. patrick is believed to have been born in scotland to roman parents. which would mean he was italian. when he was 16, he was kidnapped and taken to ireland as a slave. and then here we are today going "kiss me! slainte!" [ laughter ] some story. no reason to celebrate. and the shamrock, do you know why the shamrock is the national symbol of ireland? guillermo? go ahead, explain. >> guillermo: oh. i don't know, jimmy. >> jimmy: you don't know, okay. [ laughter ] because, according to legend, st. patrick, the italian guy, he said, "i needa some-a parsley for my linguine vongole." no. he found a three-leaf clover and picked it and used it to explain the concept of the holy trinity, the father, son, and the holy

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: well, hi there, that's me. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.nk you for watching. thank you for listening. if you're not listening, thanks for staring. this is kind of interesting, speaking of listening, they did a study, you know those people who do studies? they did another one and they found that only about 2% of conversations end when both people want them to end. kind of like sex. right, guillermo? >> right, jimmy, right, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: researchers at harvard said that 66% of the people they studied wished their conversation ended before it did. they also found that, during a boring story, people say, “wow, that's crazy,” on average, 28 times. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: wow, that's crazy. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: how dare you? did you break into your weed stash before the show? >> guillermo: a little bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think the lockdown has spoiled us. it's a lot harder to get out of a conversation when you can't just press a button that says “leave.” i love pressing leave. “leave and leave.” on zoom. my

the legendary roots crew and now, here he is, jimmy fallon ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: thank youy much. hey! thank you guys nice to see you. oh [ cheers and applause oh welcome, everybody welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show. [ cheers and applause thank you for being here thank you for watching well, guys, yesterday, trump gave his first speech since leaving office to close out cpac in orlando. yep, it was 90 minutes of rambling followed by trump supporters storming epcot. [ laughter ] as you would expect, the crowd to see trump was very white. they basically made the hollywood foreign press look like the cast of "one night in miami. [ laughter ] of course, before trump spoke, they had to play the same warning about racism that comes on before "the muppets." isn't that weird [ laughter ] during his speech, trump said, "a republican president will make a triumphant return to the white house, and i wonder who that will be." then the manhattan d.a. holding trump's taxes was like, "well, we all know who it won't be. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah, trump talked abou

>> jimmy: you are awesome.think 'pac with us ♪ ♪ i gave you every penn like oscar we gon' smoke a pound of runtz at the oscars ♪ ♪ she on a hooper and a boxe she came to my cri in his boxers ♪ ♪ knowin' m i'm from the block i still -- her ♪ ♪ i came from harold' chicken to eatin' lobsters spanish say gracias ♪ ♪ before i ea i say my fatih i need a spider jacket where is thug ♪ ♪ i ain't playin' i got my glock in the club i break th just to give her a buzz ♪ ♪ -- you if you ain't show us no love ♪ ♪ this -- crazy hoppin' out the ca no photos baby ♪ ♪ mess around with yo i been throwed off latel heard throug the grapevine ♪ ♪ you want time i'ma take mine gucci belt for her waistline ♪ ♪ say you dow gotta stay dow otherwise i'ma mak my rounds no cap yeah ♪ ♪ i put you on the finest i take you out shoppin for diamonds ♪ ♪ french polynesian courtesy of the plug so much fu shout-out to thug ♪ ♪ this -- crazy hoppin' out the ca no photos baby ♪ ♪ mess around with yo i been throwed off latel heard throug the grapevine

>> hi, jimmy hi, legendary roots crew i'm karen. >> jimmy: hi, karen.ight now >> i'm in tulsa, oklahoma. >> jimmy: ah, love it. living on tulsa time >> living on tulsa time. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, bud um, now, karen, last week daft punk broke up after being together for 28 years. they put on amazing shows. who was the first concert you ever went to >> my first concert ever was hanson >> jimmy: wow. oh, my -- wow. that's -- that is fantastic. i love that. hanson what is something you think you probably yelled at that concert? >> i love you, taylor! >> jimmy: yeah, i love you, taylor roots, we have our pal, karen, here her first concert she went to was hanson, i love that. and during the concert, she yelled, "i love you, taylor! since daft punk just broke up, can we do a song for karen in the style of, like, daft punk, or "get lucky? ♪ ♪ karen is he name freestyling is her game sh came in from ♪ ♪ tulsa, oklahoma and right no it's bound to ♪ ♪ get ugly y'al know we walk the ♪ ♪ funk there won' be no more daf punk because it ended ♪ ♪ the

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: let's see, hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you guys for not leaving. [ cheers and applause ] hey, you know what? i appreciate that, i know we're here to have fun. and i don't want to bum anybody out. but i feel like you should -- remember those murder history nets, the deadly murder hornets? yeah, they're coming back. and, they're hornet-ier than ever. [ laughter ] scientists are warning the united states and canada need to take action to stop the hornets from wreaking havoc this spring. murder hornets are coming and they're very dangerous. which is why they call them "murder hornets." [ laughter ] what they do is they can decimate a beehive, tear through 40 bees a minute, rip their heads off and take their bodies for food. like if you let donald trump loose in a buffalo wild wings. [ laughter ] that's bad for all of us if the bees -- authorities are saying, do what you've been doing for all of last year, stay indoors. [ laughter ] maybe they can somehow fill the hornets with the covid vaccine. they can go around and sti

yeah >> jimmy: she was.all of them. they were once young "young guns. >> jimmy: yeah, they certainly were young young enough to be a model in "zoolander." [ ding ] >> yes >> jimmy: i love you, dude i love you, man! my thanks to benedict cumberbatch his film "the courier" opens in theaters march 19th. we'll be right back with more "tonight show. yes! i totally remembered ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (quiet piano music) ♪ ♪ comfort in the extreme. the lincoln family of luxury suvs. ♪ and a little bit of chicken fried ♪ ♪ cold beer on a friday night ♪ ♪ a pair of jeans that fit just right ♪ ♪ and the radio up ♪ get 5 boneless wings for $1 with any handcrafted burger. only at applebee's. (music) fleece vibes. only at old navy, and old navy.com the new samsung galaxy s21 this looks different. it is. show me. just hit record! see that? you're filming in 8k. that's cinema quality. so... you can pull photos straight from video. impressive. but will it last the whole trip? you'll have battery all day. and then more. (horn beeps) this i

congrats >> thanks for having me, jimmy >> jimmy: eddie murphy, everybody.stick around ♪ ♪ tay keith ♪ and there you have it: mcdonald's new crispy chicken sandwich. from the makers of the world's most-stolen fries. the juicy chicken sandwich... from the place that offers extra napkins for a reason. the tender chicken sandwich... from the creators of a sandwich phenomenon. so you won't just be biting into a chicken sandwich, you'll be biting into mcdonald's new crispy, juicy, tender chicken sandwich. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ new glad with clorox keeps all your trash all under control crispy, juicy, tender chicken sandwich. ♪ (intense music) ♪ (cat meows) even when your kitchen isn't... ♪ ♪ and when it's all under control... it's all clean it's all glad ♪ ♪i've got the brains you've got the looks♪ ♪let's make lots of money♪ ♪you've got the brawn♪ ♪i've got the brains♪ ♪let's make lots of♪ ♪uh uh uh♪ ♪oohhh there's a lot of opportunities♪ with allstate, drivers who switched saved over $700. saving is easy when you're in good hands. allstate click or call to switch t

>> jimmy: yep.uit while the rest of the anchors were like, "no, wait, stop." [ laughter ] i like how the desk is so big that his walkout took 15 seconds >> questlove: right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "sorry sorry about that i'm sorry. can't do it. i just -- sorry. i just -- wait -- wait a moment to catch my breath alright, sorry here we go absolutely can't do it. that's right, after months of criticizing meghan markle for making an emotional exit, piers stormed off stage in an emotional exit [ light laughter ] that's right piers is leaving and he asked to be taken in by tyler perry and given full security. [ laughter ] that's right, everybody's still talking about the harry and meghan special, but in the uk, people were shocked by something else during the interview. watch this >> viewers in britain apparently shocked at the amount of drug commercials on american tv. in england it's illegal to advertise prescription drugs >> one british viewer posting, help, "why are all american ads about medicines. >

and applause >> jimmy: oh, wow. you very much! oh, my goodness! hi welcome! thank you! thank you very much, everyone. please welcome, welcome, welcome, please. thank you very, very much. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause what a crowd it feels great welcome to "the tonight show." well, guys, this is very exciting today, new york lowered the covid vaccine eligibility to 50 years old [ cheers and applause so good news, now every new york city hot dog can get the vaccine. [ laughter ] yep, new yorkers will do anything to get vaccinated this morning, i saw times square elmo getting gray streaks. [ laughter ] he was wearing a mask. technically. dropping the age requirement to 50 is super exciting until you go for your shot and no one checks your id it's like, don't you want to see proof? it's like, no, you're fine my mom would do that all the time "i got my id checked today at the store. i go -- "they didn't think you were 21 years old? [ cheers and applause she really did do that honestly, t

>> jimmy: yes!okay. okay, here i go, here i go here i go. okay >> jimmy: you have your song okay >> oh, my goodness okay you guys are hilarious [ laughter ] no problem no problem >> jimmy: that's a great instrument the gong all right. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, here we go you have 30 seconds on the clock. whenever you're ready, jennifer, as best you can, play your song. ♪ ♪ >> questlove: "the young and the restless" theme? >> jimmy: "young and the restless" theme? nadia's theme? nadia's song >> questlove: "twinkle twinkle little star? >> jimmy: "twinkle twinkle little star. >> yes ♪ >> jimmy: hey. how did you get that >> oh come on, that's a real pal. thank you. >> jimmy: that just sounded like a pounding headache to me [ laughter ] all right, it is my turn again time for another song. i'm going to go to this one over here. ♪ whoa all right. and now let's see what instrument i'll be playing it on here we go >> oh no, dog. >> jimmy: god, i have no clue how to even begin to play bag pipes. >> no. >

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, that's me. that's right. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. we are back to work after a week of vacation. i have to be honest, i'm glad to be back. we went on a cruise. you ever been on a cruise, guillermo? >> no, never. >> jimmy: we went on a cruise through the suez canal. you ever done that? very slow. very very slow. almost as if we weren't moving at all. i have to say -- after all the fighting and tooth-gnashing over the past few years, it was nice to see the whole world come together to make fun of a boat. it really was. a container ship, known as the "ever given", had been wedged in the suez canal for six days. was finally freed this morning bay fleet of tugboats. same way they got trump out of the white house. the suez canal, i think we all learned a little bit about it in school, it's one of the main arteries for ships carrying goods around the globe. it was completely blocked by this ship. basically, capitalism had a heart attack over this past week. the ship that got stuck was loaded wit

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in hollywood. you know, cannabis, which is the french word for marijuana -- [ laughter ] has been legal for recreational use here in our state since 2016. before that, you had to pretend you had back problems. had to get a fake doctor's note. [ laughter ] and of course, many feared that legalizing it would lead to a crime wave or some kind of moral collapse. really, all it did was double the number of naps we take. [ laughter ] and our favorite gummies are no longer "bear." [ laughter ] gummies are like yoga pants now. like every mom has them, right? [ laughter and applause ] legalized cannabis has been a resounding success pretty much everywhere, so now more states are following suit. as of yesterday, new jersey is the 14th state to say yes to drugs. [ cheers and applause ] the garden state is now growing weed. and it's fitting that this is happening in new jersey because there's no way that whoever designed their state flag wasn'

hey. >> hi, jimmy >> jimmy: hey, bud >> good to see you >> jimmy: it is so great to see you.t was just announced that season 11, which you're currently filming, will be last season >> crazy >> jimmy: also, this sunday's episode will be the 150th episode of the show? what do you think of when you hear those numbers >> i think i try to count how many advil i've taken in 150 episodes, you know [ laughter ] it's nuts. you know, we were filming -- i mean, we're filming right now, but, you know, we did these six sort of mini episodes, intimate episodes, because of covid and just to figure out a work program. and now we're doing these big giant ones again but, i'm sitting on this man-made structure, and there's a big hole in it, and it's drizzling rain it's like 3:00 in the morning, and i'm looking out over this field, and i'm like, "wow, this is where the prison was. >> jimmy: wow. >> you know? i blew up a tank over there, and hershel's head got chopped off right down there, and i'm starting to get a little misty-eyed thinking about it, and i'm looking at where this prison used to

sanjay gupta, and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, how you doing? i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. i'm the host of the show. welcome to our after the -- after the final rose is dead and starting to smell spectacular. we'll get into that "bachelor" mess later, but first, what a morning. we had rain and daylight saving time. i'm lucky to be alive. my kids -- did your son benji slep late today? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: my kids slept like they had three too many margaritas last night. we had to drag them out of bed. the thing about daylight saving is it's terrible. even when you get an extra hour to sleep the whole hour i spend resetting clocks. alarm clock, clock in the guest room, two clocks in the car, the microwave, the oven. and every clock has its own special way to be set. by the way, if you hate daylight saving time like i do, you have this man to blame. former new york senator william calder. he did this to us. back in 1918. look at that clock sucker. you can tell he's a monster the second you lay eyes on him. you know how you know daylight saving time is bs? because more

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host.ks for watching. thanks for watching on st. patrick's day eve. are you ready for it? >> guillermo: i'm ready. >> jimmy: what are you going to do? >> guillermo: drink and eat. >> jimmy: do you know the traditional foods? >> guillermo: i'm going to eat tacos and spaghetti. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it, that's right. very irish. this will not be the usual beer-soaked parade this year. the cdc is urging americans to engage in virtual celebrations. in an official statement today,

and knowing jimmy, the more mad jimmy gets, usually the better he gets. so jimmy just gets madder and stays healthy, this is going to be a good thing for jimmy too, which could be a great problem for the 49ers. . >>> to the ice. marlowe passing to messier for second on the nfl all-time games played list. carlson from just inside the blue line. the game is tied. minnesota would later tie it. game went to a shootout. in the eighth round of the shoot out, carlson winds up, fires, san jose wins it e 2 diabetes are waking up to what's possible with rybelsus®. ♪ you are my sunshine ♪ ♪ my only sunshine... ♪ rybelsus® works differently than any other diabetes pill to lower blood sugar in all 3 of these ways... increases insulin... decreases sugar... and slows food. the majority of people taking rybelsus® lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than 7. people taking rybelsus® lost up to 8 pounds. rybelsus® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. don't take rybelsus® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or h

and knowing jimmy, the more mad jimmy gets, usually the better he gets.jimmy just gets madder and stays healthy, this is going to be a good thing for jimmy too, which could be a great problem for the 49ers. . >>> to the ice. marlowe passing to messier for second on the nfl all-time games played list. carlson from just insid blue line. the game is tied. minnesota would later tie it. game went to a shootout. in the eighth round of the shoot out, carlson winds up, fires, san jose wins it so you just scored amazing savings at ross? mmm-hmm. on brands that take you from me time... ...to go time... ...in no time. hi. get the best bargains ever on looks that work anywhere... ...at ross. yes for less! get your spring on at ross. yes! with brand-name looks at prices that say it's on. yeah, it is! get this season's styles for you... ...and you... and you... with the best bargains ever... ...at ross. yes for less! >>> a popular tourist destination is set to re-open this week. >> the santa cruz beach boardwalk will be back in business thursday at limited capacity. on

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: well, hi there, that's me. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.ou for watching. thank you for listening. if you're not listening, thanks for staring. this is kind of interesting, speaking of listening, they did a study, you know those people who do studies? they did another one and they found that only about 2% of conversations end when both people want them to end. kind of like sex. right, guillermo? >> right, jimmy, right, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: researchers at harvard said that 66% of the people they studied wished their conversation ended before it did. they also found that, during a

every day, 73-year-old jimmy duck holmes and his biggest fan welcome customers to jimmy's blue front cafe and juke joint in bentonia, mississippi. graceland it is not. you don't read music. >> nope. >> reporter: you don't write music. >> nope. >> reporter: you don't write lyrics. >> nope. >> reporter: and you're up for a grammy. >> i guess it's a divine thing. i don't know. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> reporter: jimmy is the last of the old bentonia blues men, a brand of blues known for its haunting, hypnotic style ♪ monday morning ♪ >> reporter: for decades, jimmy has played mostly here at the blue front. but a couple of years ago, his friend and manager planned a trip to 10 tee for what jimmy thought was a cite seeing tour. so let me get this right-- you didn't even know you were going to nashville to record an album? >> i had no idea. he insisted i bring my guitar but he wouldn't tell me what the deal was. i said, okay. and i'm going to play it. >> reporter: and that's how this old-time blues pioneer ended up next to this eight-time grammy-winning musician and producer named dan hourback. >> he just