aah! aah! aah! aah! you ok? yeah. ok. let's go. [man speaking indistinctly over pa] what now? find the kids. don't get caught. good plan. we're very close to determining the source of their powers. yes, sir. containment's at 100%. we've recovered the two targets and their spacecraft. [man speaking indistinctly over pa] i understand. thank you, sir. and thank you for sticking by me and the project. i know it's taken a long time to get here, but i think we both agree it's been worth our previous failures. [man speaking indistinctly over pa] all vitals appear to be stabilized. man, over pa: attention, all personnel. south perimeter is now closed off. south perimeter, closed off. stand by, all departments, for re-check of radiation. [beeping] whiskey 7, we have penetration in fence sector 28. break. tango 31. all stations, general alert. bruno. deadly force authorized. project moon dust troops, meet me in sector two. red alert! security breach! red alert! red alert! security breach! red alert! close containment doors, all levels! close containment doors, all levels! man: move, mov

(sparking) aah! (gasping) (shutter clicking) >> aah! ♪ jack? daddy, where's jack? >> i don't know! i don't know! >> ugh! (laughing) beach has the ball... goal! >> that was just a fluke. >> dude, with my lucky shark tooth, there's no such thing as a fluke! ever tell you how i got it? >> oh, brother... >> it was ononononone e e e bod. i was riding a killer wave. suddenly, i was thrown backwards on my board. a shark leapt out of the water biting down where, only a second ago, i stood. >> missing you by inches and leaving a shark's tooth embedded in your board. >> with this tooth, i'm in the zone. i just hold onto this little guy, and everything becomes clear. >> so, do you think that shark wears the other half of the surfboard as his lucky charm? (beeping) >> billy: guys, there's en an explosion at the super tunnel. jack was on site. i'm en route to pick you up now. i'm downloading the tunnel's schematics. jack, can you read me? jack, come in! (groaning) jack? >> billy, we're okay! >> glad to hear it. we'll have you out of there in no time. >> i hope so. it's wetter d

- aah!lk, oscar. - oh, good because i'm thirsty. - oscar, that was the sour milk! - oh, no. - ohh. - what? would you think a grouch would drink fresh milk? heh heh. now scram already. - ugh. - looks like you guys have excellent noses, too. - yeah, we do. - we're the excellent eyes and nose club. ♪ we have 2 eyes, we have 1 nose ♪ - ♪ to smell a flower - ♪ or milk that's sour - ♪ we're the excellent eyes and nose club ♪ - ha ha ha! let's use our eyes and noses some more! - yeah. - yes! - come on! - you got your eyes and noses, right? come on! - oh, no. my porridge. what have i done?! - what did baby bear do? - uh, i may have sprinkled salt in my porridge instead of sugar! salt would ruin it! - don't worry, baby bear. - ♪ we're the excellent eyes and nose club ♪ - hey. that's great, but, uh, how can you help me with your eyes and nose? - just stand back and watch us work, baby bear. - yeah. everybody use your eyes to see if baby bear put salt or sugar in his porridge. ok. - ok. - well, it look

aah! aah!h! [crash] [chirping] >> i'm seeing tiny planets. unh! i need to lie down. >> oh, look! it's my childhood mobile. my very first toy. it used to hang over my crib. ahh, the hours i spent watching those wooden planets orbit, just like the real planets orbit or revolve around the sun. [cooing] ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! >> unh! >> even as a baby, i had fun watching the planets go round and round. well, better get dinner started. time to fire up my big bang pressure cooker. >> this is just what i need to rev up my rockets! >> wha... >> package for mr. d. truder, ruler of the solar system, wannabe. >> that would be me. >> uh, the pen? >> it's mine now. >> whoa! hunph! villains! >> oh, ho! >> well, when this new plan of yours flops, you can always go back to your old job as a sponge diver. >> oh, but this plan cannot fail. the zula patrol will never again get in the way of my taking over the solar system. thanks to my new inflate-a-planet! [grunting] unh! unh! oh. [blowing] [blowing] traxie: fin

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aah! [ crash! ] [ twisted sister's "we're not gonna take it" plays ] ♪ we're not gonna take it ♪ no, we ain't gonna take it ♪ we're not gonna take it anymore ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it take my picture. ♪ no, we ain't gonna take it ♪ we're not gonna take it oh, my god! ♪ anymore hit me! ♪ we're not gonna take it come back here! ♪ no, we ain't gonna take it say "big boobs." ♪ we're not gonna take it anymore ♪ aah! [ gasps ] [ cheers and applause ] hi, there, and welcome to "off their rockers," where me and my peeps get all up in your posse's grill. right now i'm just gonna relax and hope for a happy ending. to our show -- a happy ending to our show. [ chuckles ] you, watch this. and, you, keep rubbing. i'm not happy yet. [ mid-tempo music plays ] man: excuse me. do you know anything about pineapples -- if they're good or not? usually it's the spots. you don't want the color to be turning too brown. yeah? does this look like a good one to you? you know, i've also had them help me pick one out. yeah?

aah! aah! aaaah! [screaming] aah! got him! gah! [screaming] [choking] oh, god, oh! whoa! whoa! attack. smarts! [whimpers] are you okay? okay, that went too far. i still need $700. what's next? you know that old lady in accounting... who thinks you're her husband who died in the war? what about her? i do believe in destiny. and i know that i should hate you, but i can't. i love you. and i don't care what people say. we were meant to be in each other's lives. [whispering] you're right, c.c. [whispering] some dudes took raheem last night. huh...sounds like an american hero saw something and said something. elizabeth lemon, i can't believe you did that. raheem is a good guy! you seem to be defending raheem an awful lot. i'd hate to have to make another phone call. no, we're cool. uh, i renounce raheem. raheem's a bad guy. usa number one! [slams door] tracy, i need your help. i've gotta go somewhere, and i can't be seen, and cabs don't go there. sure, where is it? clinton's office in harlem. i know where that building is. i get my jamaican meat pies there. finally, my scalp rx. oh,

aah! ooh. thanks. - hey. - oh, hey. what are you doing here?ou still be out with your friends, throwing up on each other? - i wish. - aw. what happened? - the guys are all lame now. i mean, it's tragic. they used to be real pervs and binge drinkers. tonight all i did was talk about their kids and cholesterol. how was ladies' night? - well, pretty much the same. i was really looking forward to it, but all they talked about was strollers and preschools and rogaine. - rogaine? which husband? - no, it's danielle. things are not getting better there. - that's gonna be us, isn't it? - no. we're better than that. - i thought my buddies were too, but rudy ordered a salad with dressing on the side, so... i punched him in the balls. and he actually got mad. - didn't he just have hernia surgery? - no, that's next week. whatever. i guess it's all over for us. - no, it doesn't have to be. - well, how do you figure? we're gonna be parents soon. - yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to be lame. we can have our own fun. - well, i appreciate that, aud. but i'm

>> aah! i'm not gonna make it! this my last day on earth!, she got a half-brother! >> mr. brown, please! >> no, no, tell curtis payne i kissed ella, and she liked it when we were little! she liked it! aah! >> mr. brown! >> no! what the -- >> calm down, please. >> did you just -- oh. what the... i just -- i'm calmed down as calm as i'm gonna get! aah! i'm calm! >> maybe this will help. >> ohh! >> it works every time! >> you know, you're nothing like your father. private darryl phillips was a -- >> keep my father's name out of your mouth! >> well, you want answers. you don't know everything about him. >> i don't know anything about my father! i don't know if his speeches would have kept me out of trouble. i don't know what his laugh sounded like. he wasn't there! this is what i know. he was a soldier. and he died on your watch. >> no! your father died to save the lives of every man in that picture! >> that's a bunch of bull! >> i know because i was there! >> but somehow the man with all the stripes on his sleeve managed to come back alive. >>

aah! oh, geez, you scared me. what happened to your clothes? hey, what are you doing?screaming) (gagging) (labored breathing) brian, have you seen...? whoa, what the hell happened to you? easy, easy, man, easy. (whimpering) (gasps) what the hell is your problem?! me? what did i do? you're the one going all michael hutchence over here. you just stay away from me, you psychopath. hey, ow. look, i don't know what's going on here, but don't be throwing things, because that's just not safe. (gasps) what? oh... my... god. good lord! i... am a genius. what... what is it? don't you see, brian? my machine did work. it created an evil clone of me. that's why i didn't feel more evil-- all the evil energy went into him. well, kill it. it almost choked me to death. i shall do no such thing, brian. it must be studied. if i can decode the genetic puzzle of this being, perhaps i can determine how to apply it to my own neurological makeup. evil stewie, come with me. we're going to run a few tests on... (bone crunches) (yelling) (grunting) (gasps) (whimpering) (yelling) (screaming) (gru

aah! aaaaah! ah ha ha!ossible by sony pictures television captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- where teams compete to make the right decisions about safe food preparations. our challenge in this round -- read and follow package cooking instructions, and use a food thermometer. let's see how our teams are doing so far -- team 1? we just got 100 points. we separated our raw food from our cooked food. team 2? we got a 100-point green card for proper hand washing before our meal prep. referee: we've reached a critical safety point in the challenge. okay, team 1, let's check this out. uh-oh, not a safe internal temperature for those hamburgers. that puts everyone at high risk for food-borne illness. you get a red card -- undercooked. always read and follow the package cooking instructions and use a food thermometer. let's see how our winning team cooked it safe and avoided problems. well, i just kept focus on the four food safety steps -- clean, separate, cook, and chill. and we foll

aah, i should say so. ( scoffs ) my hat! where's my hat?! who's got my hat? where is it? who took my... ah! ah, there, a duck is not a duck without his hat. remember that, peep. okay, off you go. ( both giggling ) cusack: all was right with the world, but then suddenly... ( birds cawing ) cusack: ...it wasn't. peep: oh, no, it's those blue jays. let me do the talking, okay? and hide that ball. ( inhales, then gulps ) hey, it's peep and chirp. what are you doing? uh, nothing. ( chuckles ) not a thing. we were just leaving! a ball! would you look at that? nice, big ball. oh, a beautiful ball. ( bird laughing ) be careful. it's not yours, you know. we'll be careful. we're always careful. careful is our middle... uh-oh! uh-oh! chirp: oh, no! now look what you did. cusack: it's always the same with blue jays, isn't it? they don't mean to cause trouble, but when they show up, something goes wrong. look at the time. we got to go. blue jays: bye-bye. they make me so mad, those guys. ( thunder rumbling ) and now it's raining. ( groans ) come on, peep. peep: hmm... hey, chirp, look

[ mace sprays ] >> aah! this is not over, darnell!etter -- you better get your behind out of here. >> [ laughs ] >> don't nobody mess with my bible-trivia buddy. >> what?! get out of the way. you about wet yourself again. >> aw. excuse me. man, walk me to the bathroom. >> you need a diaper on. >> i think he's still out there. >> ain't nobody still out there. >> he is! >> yes, he is! >> open up the door! come on, man! you need me for bible study! [ screams ] >> he got him! he got him! >> let me see! >> fight, darnell! fight, darnell! >> oh! >> man up, man! man up! >> from the hammerstein ballroom in new york city. welcome, everybody to "ring of honor" wrestling. alongside new talent scout in "ring of honor" prince nana. i am kevin kelly. we welcome you to the show. three quarter match ups, for the world title tournament. unbreakable michael elgin against machine gun anderson. that is awesome, kevin. we'll also see kevin steen one on one against roderick strong. we kick the hour off with michael elgin against tommaso ciampa. >> i hate t

aah! aah! aah! hi, i'm christy and i'm an alcoholic. all: hi, christy.daughters how to bake. mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady. aren't you a little old to be blaming all your problems on your mother? hi, mom. christy is a mess. she's sort of holding on by her fingertips to life. can i trouble you for some water without ice? ice isn't good for my digestive system. ice? mom, i've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet. it's not a sin to be thrifty, dear. bonnie, who's trying to rehabilitate herself and her relationship with her daughter and her daughter's daughter. hello? what are you doing here? i just thought i'd help out while you were at work, you know, clean slate. good night, bonnie. mmm...mwah! she calls you bonnie? we're like sisters. it's a new chuck lorre comedy about breaking the cycles of dysfunction in a family. i think it's about somebody trying to recreate themselves. [speaking along with recording] the more grateful i am, the more reasons i find to be grateful. my daughter's an easy lay and

>> aah! >> aah! >> colonel, what you doing out here digging in the trash?na usually does that when she out prowling for something to eat. >> [ laughs ] boy, that -- [ laughs ] yeah! that was -- that was a good one, brown. what are you doing up so late? >> i just feel so depressed about what happened with cora. i couldn't sleep. >> oh. >> yeah. what you doing here? >> hey, what's that? >> aah! >> well, brown, you know, i got something that just might cheer you up. >> oh, really? for me? >> yeah. >> uh-huh. >> yeah, when i saw it, it just screamed your name. >> really? >> "brown!" >> oh. [ chuckles ] i'm the one should be screaming. [ chuckles ] >> well, i got 10 of these. >> really? you got 10? >> 10! >> well, what you use them for? >> well, uh -- huh?! is that a -- yes, i'm coming! coming right away, edna! >> i didn't hear nothing. >> right away! >> i thought these were banned in this country, anyway. it should be. >> i'm so worried. he's been gone since this morning. >> oh, i'm sure brown is fine. >> fine? woman, you crazy? that man's been gone for 12 hour

he was like, "aah, aah!" >> pook on top of him. when he started screaming, you know? he started screaming like a little girl. he wasn't tough no more now. he just, "oh, get off me! get off me!" and that's when he's trying to call for help. >> right. then the owner walked out. the owner came out, mr. p.! he had a shotgun, an uzi, and a knife. >> wait. wait. wait. wait. he had a shotgun, an uzi, and a knife? >> all in the same hand. >> he only had one arm, though. he was good with it. >> oh, shut up. shut up. that's not what happened. >> well, you go and tell your version. >> look, we went to the club, and miranda happened to be there with some guy. so i approached them, and it happened to be her cousin, and they got mad and left. boom! end of story. >> that's it? >> yeah. >> your story sucks! come on! you said he had an uzi, the knife, and then gun? pepper jack cheese, mushrooms, jalapeÑos, bacon, tomato and avocado. i call it, "the avocado da vinci". create your om'lart with denny's build your own omelette menu. xx theand the kid

aah! what is he doing? stay calm. you kids know that we could actually end global warming in five years, if we just raised taxes on the super-rich by just 2%? wow, is that true? it doesn't matter if it's true. he works for that money. we've lost control of greenzo. [whispering] i knew we should have gone with angie harmon. (greenzo) kill trees? hey, liz. ugh. look, obviously what happened in your bed last night was a violation. so much hair. sorry, she likes me natural. listen, i am glad that you're back with paula. but when are you moving out? no, no, no, liz. i can't move out. look, paula and i got married our sophomore year. she was pregnant 20 minutes into the first date. this is the first chance we've had to just...be a couple. and our relationship has never been better. we did it on your kitchen table. i shouldn't have told you that. liz, please. please let me be your roommate so i can date my wife. oh, i can't believe i'm saying this. okay. yes! oh, liz, you're the best. oh, hey, could you come home early tonig

[ cheers and applause ]] aah! aah!e exquisite palazzo resort hotel casino in the heart of the las vegas strip, here are the stars of america's game --

"aah! aah!" num--number 5. audience: candy. steve: hey, let's move on to question two.ra. let's go. welcome, ladies. here we go. we got the top 8 answers on the board. if you made a snow woman, name a fruit you'd use for her boobies. rhonda. >> coconuts. steve: coconuts. chandra. >> apples. steve: apples. pass or play? >> we're gonna play. steve: they're gonna play. [applause] bj, man, how you doing? >> i'm fine, fine, fine. steve: bj, if you made a snow woman, name a fruit you'd use for her boobies. >> cantaloupe. steve: [chuckles] cantaloupe. krista, how are you, darlin'? >> steve, i just want to tell you that i have two young boys. oldest is 3, and every afternoon when we come home and turn on the tv and ♪ doo doo doo starts, he's like, "i don't wanna see steve. i don't want steve." he hates you. i just wanted you to know that. steve: well, i'm, you know-- i can handle that. i'm a mature adult, you know. you just tell him i can't stand his little ass either. you think you can come on my show and tell me your baby hates me. i got news for you! i hate your baby, too! >

without insurance, it might be more cost effective without insurance, it might be more cost effective aah i'm a lion! yes, you are. come here. let's see how this looks. hey, how's my little horse? she's a lion. yes, she is. grrr! ha ha! announcer: you don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. when you adopt a child from foster care, just being there makes all the difference. >> all right. good morning, everyone, the meeting will come to order. this the regular meeting of the transportation authority finance committee, i'm cohen and to my left is tang and supervisor david chiu will be joining us and weiner and superviser fer elwill be joining us shortly. >> the clerk of the board is erika cheng and i would like to thank the members of sfgtv

aah! [ding] doreen? hey. hey. i saw that. caught. what happened to your face?on the elevator on the way up. really? no. i... no. -i slipped. you know? that happens sometimes when you get older, you know. your ticket for your mustang. you know. i got it downstairs. you probably should be gettin' back now. what are you gonna do? well, you know, i'm gonna be takin' off today. why? well... it just worked out that way. for good? for a while. doreen, before i go, i just... i just want to tell you i think you're a special girl. i mean that. uh...in these... 48 hours... i could see that. hey... things happen to us, doreen. you know? we... we make mistakes. we... we fall down, and... we get into trouble. it--it happens to everybody. it does. but it doesn't mean, you know, everything that happened yesterday has to happen every day. it doesn't. [chuckles] you don't want to do it like me and spend your whole life lookin' backwards. you know, it is what it is. we--we can't change our history. we can't do that. i mean... but yo-- you can go past it. just...right past it. and

[adjourned] aah! i'm a lion! yes, you are. come here. let's see how this looks. hey, how's my little horse? she's a lion. yes, she is. grrr! ha ha! announcer: you don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. when you adopt a child from foster care, just being there makes all the difference. ♪ ? an incredible program because we take regular kids teach them the love of the game. we have no emphasis on winning we only have an emphasis on learning and trying as hard as they can that's it and the chips fall where they may. when students leave our program whether or not adults or kids they'll have a mechanical understanding of what they have. you don't have to be 7 feet tall or be super faster but you do need skwil. once you teach kids how to have control over the tennis courts they'll master. please invest us on the website ♪ ? an incredible program because we take regular kids teach them the love of the game. we have no emphasis on winning we only have an emphasis on learning and trying as hard as they can that's it and the chips fall where they may. when student

[straining] uh-aah!ht ♪ i'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ ♪ but i don't care, 'cause all i want to do ♪ ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life ♪ ♪ i will be drivin' home to you ♪ captioning made possible by sony pictures television hey, sticky buns. that's cute when you give me little nicknames. hmm? nothing. aren't my parents here yet? no. they called from the airport, though. your father's holding out for a cheaper taxi. i would have liked to have seen them before my union meeting tonight. union meeting? since when do you go to union meetings? since they started serving beer. and we might be going out on strike or something. i don't know. why? what's the big deal? well, doug, i have some work to do. i need you to entertain your parents. i was hoping to try out my new bubble bath as well. "lavender surrender." [chuckles] make a good stripper name. all right, doug. i'm just saying i wouldn't have to go to union meetings if you could w

aah! oh, my god. [ screaming ] [ laughs ] [ air horn blares ] welcome to "america's funniest home videos." and now, here he is, the host of "afv"... together: tom bergeron! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you very much. thanks to the scv all-stars for that lovely introduction. welcome to "afv." tonight's show is dedicated to risk takers -- those intrepid souls who aren't afraid to buck conventional wisdom... to take a chance... to put it all on the line... and then to totally blow it. where would we be without you? man: what's up? what are you doing? good. grrr! [ screams ] yeah! young man: basketball! [ child shouting in distance ] woman: this is what we call iceberging [laughs] the kids in the bath. [ laughs ] iceberg! [ children screaming ] [ woman laughs ] woman: go on, now. you wanted to go out. [ door closes ] bergeron: he's wishing he could fetch spring. [ laughs ] oh, my god. [ laughs ] woman: turn around. come this way. bergeron: he doesn't have to worry about being tackl

(roaring) aah! scary monsters! (laughing) stan's scare-away trick really does work!? let's creep up on him and find out. all: whoa! whoo! (laughing) gets you every time, cat. i jump and you jump with surprise! wow! that's a great trick! oh, it's not just a trick. when you jump back, it gives me enough time to-- aah! unfold my wings and fly away! is that how you keep stuff safe? ooh, it certainly keeps me safe. if anyone tries to sneak up, i give 'em the old click and flip treatment! how do you do it? easy! i bend here and... flip! (laughing) whoo, whoo! wow! i wish we could do that! right! if cookie snatchers snuck up on us, we'd surprise them with a flip and click! well, to flip like a beetle, that's easy to do. just ask for some help from thing 1 and thing 2. (whistling) hello! whoa! (chittering) (laughing) whee! (chittering) uh-oh. aah! (struggling) (laughing) hey, a trampoline! now i can flip! yay! boing, boing! whee! (laughing) but we need to click, too! hm... flick this stick quick to click, nick. (laughing) (clicking) cool! let's see what you can do! surprise

aah. now that's a leak. that is a leak! and if you don't have allstate renters insurance... game over. [ female announcer ] protect your valuables from things like water damage for as low as $4 a month when you add renters insurance to your allstate auto policy. call 866-905-6500 now. plus, drivers who switched saved an average of $498 a year. just a few more ways allstate is changing car insurance for good. [ female announcer ] call an allstate agent and get a quote now. yes honey? dad told me that cheerios is good for your heart, is that true? says here that cheerios has whole grain oats that can help remove some cholesterol, and that's heart healthy. [ dad ] jan? ♪ married to morty kaufman. [ lee ] now that i'm getting older some things are harder to do. this is not a safe thing to do. be careful babe. there should be some way to make it easier [ doorbell rings ] let's open it up and see what's cookin'. oh i like that. look at this it's got a handle on it. i don't have to climb up. this yellow part up here really catches a lot of the dust. did you notice how clean it look

it's a miracle. ( crowd oohs and aahs ) this is fantastic. never been so close to rubbing my eyes in disbelief. oh, what the heck. i think it's a sign from god that we should all go nuts. ( screaming ) what is wrong with you? go get that. yes, ma'am. well, looks like our phenomenon is actually a phenome-not. ( chuckling ) because when you look at it rationally... hakala makta towhoo abowhoo. hakala makta towhoo abowhoo. ( confused murmuring ) he's speaking in tongues. oh, knock it off, seymour. go find that boy with my purse. oh, it was incredible. i saw heaven. but it wasn't clouds and angels playing harps like at the end of so many three stooges shorts. it was a golden elementary school with a teachers' lounge that stretched as far as the eye could see and no one was ever tardy. was i there? no, it was heaven. my vision of heaven. ( murmuring ) oh, truly this was the will of maude. hey, i want the maude statue to give me a vision. yeah, i want to hallucinate, too. i'm sorry. the ticket price doesn't cover visions, miracles or other godly ho

aah! ♪ [typing] [bell dings] >> jon is back! >> hey, stubies! >> hey! >> baby. >> mmm.orce [speaking in foreign language] >> how are you doing? >> mush, mushka! >> oh (bleep)! >> we have a huge problem. >> what? >> hey, no, i don't know is back. the middle east has changed him. he is not even acting american. get a defibrillator and two big macs. let's do this. >> okay. ah! >> hey, jon. >> clear! >> obamacare can suck pollen bee's (bleep). >> it is politically correct -- can't we say that word? >> open that thing. it locks. hear me, oh children of israel! >> ha, ha, ha! >> bicycle! >> ha, ha, ha! >> is that a heineken? >> oh, no. >> okay. okay. we need to fix this. >> hello. >> yes. we need you down here now. >> isolate him and i will be right there. >> thank you very much. i appreciate it. >> i will break this man and no matter what you hear, no matter what moans of agony you hear, do not open that door. >> i promise. >> oh, my god! >> now, that is it, i am going in. i am going in. >> god bless america! >> i did what i could. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> from com

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>> aah! ow! [ door slams ] >> maxie: spinelli! >> silas: what do you think?> sam: i think -- i think he looks beautiful. >> silas: he is beautiful, and he's getting better. >> sam: you know, i should've listened to my mother. she said that this night w gonna be fairly uneventful. unlike ours. >> silas: she means nothing to me. i'm not interested in ava. the only person i'm interested in is you! [ knock on door ] >> ava: silas? >> morgan: my marriage is over. >> michael: look, morgan, i know you're upset, but can you please call me when you get this message? straight to voicemail. >> kiki: i don't think morgan is in the mood to talk after the way he just stormed out of here. >> michael: i don't think anyone would after the bomb my dad just dropped. >> carly: i want to talk about what you did to morgan to-- >> sonny: i don't. >> carly: great, then you can listen. >> sonny: no, you know what? i'm not in the mood, carly. >> carly: too bad. do you know what you did tonight? >> sonny: yeah. >> carly: you turned our son's life upside down. >> sonny: no, i did what h

." - [imitates whipping sound] - aah! - now see. how are you supposed to block a batarang from going in your butt with a carefully crafted query? - you cannot. that's how. - it's impossible. - hey. hey, psh. hey, psh. hey, psh. - michelle pfeiffer. - michelle pfeiffer. - - michelle pfeiffer tried to mess with the batman. michelle pfeiffer tried to mess with the batman. - michelle pfeiffer. - michelle pfeiffer... - michelle pfeiffer. - tried to mess with the batman. - michelle pfeiffer. - michelle pfeiffer. - guess what, michelle pfeiffer? you ain't a real cat! - come on. i'll tell you one thing. ain't no way you gonna meow-s with the batman. - but what about arnold schwarzenegger though? what's arnold schwarzenegger trying to do? - come on, man. - what is arnold schwarzenegger-- feel the burn. feel the burn. feel the burn. - [grunts] - it should be in your triceps. - come on, man. - arnold schwarzenegger-- - you can't turn up the ac and think that's gonna mess with the batman. - what is it supposed to be doing to the batman? giving

aah!e announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. [ bottle ] ensure®. nutrition inharge™. >> it happen so fast. i was on the side of the park and i heard shots and i came over and a lot of people are douvenlt >> it was a lot of shots. boom, boom, boom. a little kid knot hit in the face. >> a three-year-old by was among the victims of the late night shooting in chicago. 13 people were shot including two other children. the suspects are still on the loose. investigators believe that the shooting may have been gang related. a new report named chicago as the murder capitol of the united states. last year alone, there were 500 reported homicides there. that is compareed to data from 2011 and murder victims increased 16 percent in two years in chicago and joining us to discuss this is jot lot and author of more guns and less crime. hi, john. >> how are you doing? >> this story is sickening. there was a lot o

aah!cause i'm re-workin' the menu, keeping her healthy and you on your toes. [ female announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. i see you, cupcake! uh-oh! [ bottle ] the number one doctor recommended brand. ensure®. nutrition in charge™. >>> i'm confident we can hold the assad regime accountable for their use of chemical weapons, deter this kind of behavior and degrade their capacity to carry it out. our military has positioned assets in the region. the chairman of the joint chiefs has informed me that we are prepared to strike whenever we choose. moreover, the chairman has indicated to me that our capacity to execute this mission is not time-sensitive. it will be effective tomorrow or next week or one month from now, and i'm prepared to give that order. >> well, you heard him, the president is prepared, but first he wants lawmakers' approval before striking syria. he reiterated in a rose garden spee

aah!emale announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. [ bottle ] ensure®. nutrition in charge™. ♪ unh ♪ [ male announcer ] you can choose to blend in. ♪ or you can choose to blend out. the all-new 2014 lexus is. it's your move. you raise her spirits. we tackled your shoulder pain. you make him rookie of the year. we took care of your cold symptoms. you take him on an adventure. tylenol® has been the number 1 doctor recommended brand of pain reliever for over 20 years. but for everything we do, we know you do so much more. tylenol®. >>> a father is prepared to plead for help to find his son's killer. >>> later this morning, jonathan denver's dad will join authorities to plead for witnesses, anybody who may know who stabbed his son, the 24-year-old dodgers fan last week. the two teams have a lon long-standing rival in california. >>> police are investigating the death of an experienced identify hoe smoke

aah! [ female announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. [ bottle ] ensure®. nutrition in charge™. her busy saturday begins with back pain, when... hey pam, you should take advil. why? you can take four advil for all day relief. so i should give up my two aleve for more pills with advil? you're joking right? for my back pain, i want my aleve. you're joking right? ♪ (train horn) vo: wherever our trains go, the economy comes to life. norfolk southern. one line, infinite possibilities. just by talking to a helmet. it grabbed the patient's record before we even picked him up. it found out the doctor we needed was at st. anne's. wiggle your toes. [ driver ] and it got his okay on treatment from miles away. it even pulled strings with the stoplights. my ambulance talks with smoke alarms and pilots and stadiums. but, of course, it's a good listener too. [ female announcer ] today cisco is connecting the inte

. >> aah! i'm a lion! yes, you are. come here. let's see how this looks. hey, how's my little horse? she's a lion. yes, she is. grrr! ha ha! announcer: you don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. when you adopt a child from foster care, just being there makes all the difference. >> i understand the mayor is on a tight schedule. i would like mr. mayor to come up, please and say a few words. thank you. >> thank you. officer monroe. good evening, everyone. this is a really happy occasion, and i did when chief suhr notified me that this would be happ happening. i wanted to be sure i put in time to come before you for a brief moment and share my appreciation for the police force. to the commissioners and president mazzucco and the commission, and to the staff and awardees tonight. i know there is 41 of you out there with family and friends. but i want to say to the 2,000 sworn men and women in the san francisco police force. i am very proud of you, and as hard as i work, i know there are people that work harder than i, and i don't put my life on the li

. - aah!4, 2013 from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. coming upton today's show -- coming up on today's show richard talkins will be joining us. -- dawkins will be joining us. i have one regret about the emmys. i have one regret about the emmys on sunday night and that is that i was unable to attend and share in the joy for my friend stephen colbert and those at the court "the colbert reporo won a long served well overdue emmy. i have been in awe of that show from episode one. i believe stephen and everyone there has created something that has never before been seen on television and things happen on that show that could only happen on that show and they are remarkable. to my staff and crew, here is the best thing about my staff and crew it's not about -- win or lose, it doesn't matter. you know i saw newhart on sta

ladies and president, and a ladies and gentlemen, we're president, and a ladies and gentlemen, we're aah! i'm a lion! yes, you are. come here. let's see how this looks. hey, how's my little horse? she's a lion. yes, she is. grrr! ha ha! announcer: you don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. when you adopt a child from foster care, just being there makes all the difference. >> good afternoon and welcome to the meeting of the board of supervisors neighborhood services and safety committee of thursday september 5, 2013. my name is david campus and the chair of the committee and joined by supervisor eric mar and supervisor

(growling) >> aah! (growling) (chattering) >> i guess that means the movie's over, gang!rience. >> don't tell me! tell comet! (screeching) >> good acting, roger. >> "no!" (laughing) >> laugh all you want! i had a dressing room right beside truman largo! >> all: ooh! >> enough movie talk. besides, it's almost time for the highlight of space camp. a tour of the very same spaceship the astronauts will use next week for a mission. which brings us to today's lesson. leadership. alexa, why do you think you'd be a good commander? >> because! i have what it takes! all my life i've dreamed of being a shuttle commander. >> yeah, right! last summer she and jen were dreaming about pom-poms at cheerleading camp! (kids laughing) >> hey, no fair! >> yeah? well, last summer, you still had a babysitter. (laughing) >> there's no way a girl could be a commander. they only want to be astronauts because they think the outfits look cute! >> and boys only want to go into space because for one week they don't have to bathe! (kids arguing) >> this isn't what they meant by "breaking the sound barr

(pigeon cooing) aah!ke a scarecrow, too. (chatters happily) (laughs) (hooting) (pigeons cooing) only... it wasn't very scary. (frustrated sigh) (hooting) (cooing) (groans) (sighs) hmm. maybe the birds were only scared away when something was moving. (chattering loudly) that was it. but how could he get it to move? he also needed more seeds. oh! seeds were easy. making a scarecrow move was hard. i heard a guy named quixote opened a new bakery up ahead. hungry? uh-huh. (surprised shout) it was the biggest pinwheel george had ever seen. pretty neat, huh? uh-huh! it's a windmill. ooh! yep. (cackles) it grinds my grain for me. (hoots, chatters "ah!") (george laughs) let me show you how it works. when the wind blows, it pushes the sails just like wind pushes a sailboat along the water, but since sails are attached to the mill, instead of moving forward, they spin around. ooh. (chatters) some people use windmills to make electricity. george: oh! i use mine to make flour and butter. well, i'll be! what do you thi

aah! 'cause i'm re-workin' the menu, keeping her healthy and you on your toes. [ female announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. i see you, cupcake! uh-oh! [ bottle ] the number one doctor recommended brand. ensure®. nutrition in charge™. >>> we've been monitoring information coming to us out of garden city, new york. a shooting apparently having taken place. two people shot. conditions unknown. susan candiotti is on the phone now. susan, what else have you been able to find out? >> we're out here in the vicinity of where that shooting happened. police are telling me that it appears to be a workplace shooting. involving a man who's a former employee who walked into his former business and then opened fire, hitting two. we do not know what kind of company this is. we do not know the conditions of the two employees who were shot. allegedly by the man who used to work there. don't know what kind of a f

aah!u, keeping her healthy and you on your toes. [ female announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. i see you, cupcake! uh-oh! [ bottle ] the number one doctor recommended brand. ensure®. nutrition in charge™. we're so choosy about the cuts of beef that meet our higher kosher standards that only a slow-motion bite can capture all that kosher delight. and when your hot dog's kosher, that's a hot dog you can trust. hebrew national. that's a hot dog you can trust. i missed a payment. aw, shoot. shoot! this is bad. no! we're good! this is your first time missing a payment. and you've got the it card, so we won't hike up your apr for paying late. that's great! it is great! thank you. at discover, we treat you like you'd treat you. get the it card with late payment forgiveness. but chantix helped me do it. i told my doctor i think i'm... i'm ready. [ male announcer ] along with support, chantix (vareniclin

aah!cause i'm re-workin' the menu, keeping her healthy and you on your toes. [ female announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. i see you, cupcake! uh-oh! [ bottle ] the number one doctor recommended brand. ensure®. nutrition in charge™. you work. and you want to get an mba. but going back to school is hard... because you work. now, capella university offers a revolutionary new way to get your degree. it's called flexpath and it's the most direct path, leveraging what you've learned on the job and focusing on what you need to know so you can get a degree at your pace. and graduate at the speed of you. flexpath from capella university learn more at capella.edu >>> welcome back. it is a moment of high stakes diplomatic posturing as people continue to die inside syria. syrian president bashar al assad now publicly declaring he will not turn over his chemical weapons to international monitors until the u

aah!-workin' the menu, keeping her healthy and you on your toes. [ female announcer ] the complete balanced nutrition of great-tasting ensure. 24 vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, and 9 grams of protein. i see you, cupcake! uh-oh! [ bottle ] the number one doctor recommended brand. ensure®. nutrition in charge™. [ bottle ] the number one doctor recommended brand. nascar is ab.out excitement but tracking all the action and hearing everything from our marketing partners, the media and millions of fans on social media can be a challenge. that's why we partnered with hp to build the new nascar fan and media engagement center. hp's technology helps us turn millions of tweets, posts and stories into real-time business insights that help nascar win with our fans. [ male announcer ] clearly this isn't one of those speed-eating contests. that's a hebrew national hot dog. a kosher hot dog. that means we're extra choosy about the cuts of beef that meet our higher kosher standards. and only a good,

aah! i would do anything for love, but i won't do that. oh, joe, i love you! i love you so much!e thigh with their thing. yeah, countries is weird. but at least you helped save joe and bonnie's marriage. i know. those two lovebirds haven't left their bedroom since we got back. (truck reverse signal beeping) (drill whirring, gear grinding) ah, romance. speaking of which, we ain't boofed in a whole week. yeah, but what about the kids? ah, they're back at school. turns out i wasn't quite the professor i thought i was. this is what my class is all about! learn with me, children! let's teach each other! chris, you know this. sherman's march to the sea! yes! finally someone gets it! ah, (bleep), children! my (bleep) elbow! oh, all the saints in christendom! my elbow's shattered! oh, it's shattered to (bleep)! somebody get the nurse! get that big, (bleep) black nurse! oh, i am so (bleep)! just made it. [ bell chimes ] [ man ] hi, folks. looks like we're going to be here at least 15 minutes. hello, jimmy john's? someone order jimmy john's? [ tires screech ] [ male announcer ] jimmy john'

. ♪ aah! ♪ you know my cat's name is carrie. really? total coincidence. oh my god, are you ok? to get you to a doctor. i'm a doctor! really?! ♪ [ puppies barking ] [ barking ] thank you so much. oh, no problem at all!! now, let's get these pants off. i think he hit his head. my driving pants. give it. [ siren chirps ] which one of you's going to jail today? agh. ♪ millie? your sister's here to take you home. this one's pathological. lies like a rug. i made this for you. it's a shiv! thank you! that's not my sister. ♪ claire danes! [ laughing ] uh huh. we heard you might not make it. oh, come on ken. i couldn't miss it. do you know i drove almost 700 miles on a single tank? wow! [ event pa announcer ] coming up next...claire danes. right this way miss danes. thank you. no problem at all. [ cheers and applause ] [ event pa announcer ] ladies and gentlemen...claire danes. [ former boyfriend ] i used to date that girl in high school! jordan?! ♪ jordan?! i missed a payment. aw, shoot. shoot! this is bad. no! we're good! this is your first time missing a payment. and you've got the i