[doorbell rings] florence! [doorbell rings] florence! [doorbell rings] florence! i can't hear that doorbell. don't look.you fell for it. you're a genius. the news isall over town. let me tell you why. genius isself-explanatory. explain itto the ladies. it's so rare to find someone with brains and humility. thank you, helen. i'm still looking for that person. george gave me a stock tip, and guess what. you need a loan. hardly. that stock shot up. i sold it yesterday and made $3,000. oh! did you come down here to share your profits? well, it'll bea little difficult. helen's wearing it. oh, thank you, florence. child, if that ever becomes a hand-me-down, i'm down. it does looksensationalon you, helen. i can almost forget those animals that died so you can wear it. i'm glad you like it. i must find a way to make some money without working. you have-- this job. we're going out on the town. have fun.you look gorgeous. thank you. see you later. bye-bye. whenever helen puts on her coat, she'll think of you. i sure will. i'm so gladyou could help tom. if you're not careful

i want to. ( doorbell ringing ) but, jack... listen, by the time i'm finished he'll be eating out of your hand. hey, phil, come on in. hello, jack. how are you doing? listen, uh, about yesterday... i got to tell you something that... janet thought you were a terrific guy right from the start but i let my imagination run away with me. you look lovely. well, thank you but i just hope it's not too late to patch things up. shall we go? yes. let me tell you something janet's a great girl and once you get to know her she's tons and tons of fun.

[doorbell rings] how did it goat lou's doggie heaven? i arranged poopsie's funeral for tuesday at 3:00. you have to be out by 4:00 because they're buryingthunder the wonder turtle. poopsie and iwere so close. we were close, too. please. i really liked the dog. well, it's not my placeto judge you, sir. thanks for your support, ralph. i appreciate your making the burial arrangements. it wasn't easy.it hurt. the advance cameout of my pocket, which you'llwant to settle. poopsie. so sad. so sad. you're short10 bucks, sir. life goes on.have a nice day. dear abby, i am a dead man. george? hi, weez. is the dog sleeping? yeah, i guessyou could say that. did you have a nice quiet evening? great. you know, dogs aren't so bad. you can't pet a goldfish. maybe i can teach poopsie to shake hands. poopsie knowsenough tricks. in fact, i taught himskydiving. is he good at it? not yet. mr. jefferson, is something wrong? he's upset becausehe missed ray charles. if it'll help,i won't say anything about our evening. poopsie's gone. he ran away? well, sort of.

what about the doorbell? i'll fix it later. unless... the interior decorator here would like to do it. i'm not an interior decorator. oh, no, i thought all you f-f-f-fellows were. what fellows? you know... tinkerbells. oh, i see what you mean. no, actually not all of us are interior decorators. some of us are, uh, boxers. no kidding? no kidding. you mean, you'd actually hit another guy? oh, only if he made fun of us.

everybody dies in alphabetical order. ( doorbell ringing ) i'll get it. boy, some of the things that girl comes up with. yeah, it's scary, but sometimes she's right. maybe we should change our names to something beginning with a "z." oh, right, jack. what are you going to call yourself-- jack zipper? no, i wouldn't like people going around saying "hey, fella, your name is open." it's for me. it's from home. it's not my birthday or anything. oh, thank god. i was beginning to feel guilty already. it's a camera. a movie camera. wow-ee. now, what on earth would make my parents do a thing like that? the only thing i mentioned to them in my last letter is that i was dating a nice methodist boy who liked films. great. next time, tell them you're going out with a banker. oh, this is so terrific. i'll have so much fun with it yeah. uh, chrissy-- lesson number one, see. okay. oh, hiya, honey. oh, boy, that felt good. nothing like a nice, brisk walk around the block first thing in the morning. i thought you went upstairs to fix the window in the kids' apartment. lat

[doorbell rings] the guys are here. laugh all you like, but i'll finally be playing with musicians i respect. evening, john. come on in, guys. nice. nice place you got here. hi. boy. to help preserve our environment. i got involved. i boosted tourism in my farm community by by painting 55 barn quilts. i got involved. i enjoy gardening and love delivering a fresh supply of produce and flowers to a local shelter. i got involved. young volunteers have a winning spirit that we think is worth celebrating. middle and high school students: ask your school principal about applying for a prudential spirit of community award. volunteer! i really want to show you something. karen o.: 1, 2, ready, go l-o-v-e it's a mystery all is love is love ow! ooh ooh... announcer: for great play ideas, visit www.smallstep.gov. lot of times, being a teenager means living with labels. you know, like the ones other people give you. and the ones you give yourself. but what happens when you're labeled as someone you're t? "stop!" wearing a label you

it's not what you think. ( doorbell rings ) don't answer that! why not? there's liable to be somebody at the door. look, now, will you relax, mr. roper? nobody cares if you're up here. ( laughs ) janet, i'm so worried. stanley.... stanley! where have you been all night?! why do you ask that, helen? why do i ask that? i just got up and found out you hadn't been in bed all night. and you got worried. of course i got worried. i... but... see... uh... i slept up here last night. up here? yeah. uh... oh... on the couch. oh. good morning, mrs. roper. good mor... oh, hi, jack! how have you been? i haven't seen you for a while. here's your wallet. you left it in my bed. i thought you said you slept on the couch? yeah, well, i-i, yeah, well... i-i-i-i-i-i... come on, chrissy, come on. come on! i want to stay and hear what he's go to say. come on! i think i'll help... you better stay! you're my only witness. i want to know why you lied to me just now. all right, i'll tell you the truth, okay? this is it, so help me. jack gave a party last night, and i came up here

[doorbell rings] hello. mrs. jefferson? yes? i'm natalie parker. i was supposed to meet your son downstairs-- that's her! are you sure you don't want no tomato? what are you doing? we're giving a surprise party. come out when we yell "surprise." who's that girl? girl? what girl? the one you pushedinto the bathroom. oh! oh! that's the plumber. since when do plumbersdress like that? at $25 an hour, they can dress any way they like. what's going on?you're all actingvery strange. we can'tkeep it from her. what? you see-- [doorbell rings] lionel! hi, mrs. willis. you talked lionel into taking the night off. hey, jenny! hey. what are you doing here? i'm still your wife. you may have forgotten,but i can prove it. i got this mole on-- i remember! how dare you do that? it's ok. we are married. oh, george. i'm really ashamed of you. what? so that's it. this was to give me a surprise. surprise! who's she? the plumber. casanova, worm your way out of this one. so you're the plumber. hi. i'm lionel jefferson. it's no use, lionel. we know. know what? about your g

sfx: doorbell beer's here! i heard you ordered bu light on minibar. uh...jb smoove?? i'll take that. order ud light now on minibardelivery.com you like being picture perfect. you should want your banking to be too. stop into td bank and we'll help set you up with picture perfect banking. new customers, ope a checking and savings account and you can get a polaroid cube+ video camera on the spot. te i just ordered pizza. we're out of bud light. beer run? no. minibar delivery. sfx: doorbell be wher's here! i heard you ordered bud light on miniaanr. uh...jb smoove?? i'll take that. order bud light now on minibardelivery.com or download the app. >>> knocked out cold. this video has shocked an entire community. now tonight we're learning new details about the teenager who sucker p the street. tough to watch that. thanks for joining us. >> the search for the teenager seen in t,at video. right now police have the person who shot the video i custody. >> they're closed to arresting the teen in the assau . it difficult to watch. >> reporter: shocking, horrifying, disgusting. jus

[doorbell rings] i'll get it. no! i don't want nobody to see you like that. george, i'm having trouble with helen. i got two pieces of advice. who cares, and get out. george, i need your help. well, you see-- george, aren't you going to beat me now? george,was that louise? no, no. that was a parakeet. we took it in. it was a victim of bird abuse. go on. helen's been yellingat me about that book since we left here. she doesn't understandthat it's business. of course not. she's a woman. i do respecther opinion. your company hired you, not her. your job is to bring home the bacon. her job is to cook it. that all soundspretty chauvinistic to me. i'm not a chauvinist. i'm a realist. in reality, a woman should stay out of a man's business. weezy didn't like my commercial. you know what my reaction was? too bad! she wasn't upset? of course not. now she can't do enough for me. look, she brought me coffee. helen pelted mewith bacon bits. willis, simply tell helen you are captain of your ship. a ship can't have two captains because the steering wheel is too small for f

[doorbell rings] lionel, i'm gladyou're here. hey, pop, what's up? lionel, we got to talk. well, i'm glad you called. i decided to start oh. your father means maybe this isn't the best time to start your business. with the meldons account, what could screw it up? oh. dad's the person to talk to about it. why did wename him lionel? it's hard tolive that downin prison. what are you talking about? i'll get youthe best lawyer. if he loses,i'll write every week. your motherwill bake you cookies. you might benumber 62489 to them, but you'll always beour little boy. he been sniffing cleaning fluid? do you know the brooklyn store? that's the one in brooklyn, isn't it? i rewired that store six months ago. you know that,and i know that.now forget it. what's going on? lionel, you know the brooklyn store? we went through that. what happened to the brooklyn store? it burned down. how? fire. thanks, pop. what caused the fire? the wiring. i put in that wiring myself. i told youto forget about that. that wiring was not faulty. faulty is such a harsh word, son. you just put it in wrong, tha

[doorbell rings] i'll be right back. [doorbell rings] comin' on the double! oh, linda! oh, boy, what a break! come on in! good morning, hazel. mr. baxter phoned me at home. he apologized for asking me to work on saturday, but he needed these contracts from the office. he's right in the den. i'll get him. mr. b! oh, hazel! i'm sorry! i thought you was in the-- 'morning, linda. good morning, mr. baxter. excuse me. thank you for bringing these over. i'll be wanting you to take these contracts back to the office as soon as i look them over. why don't you have hazel make you a cup of coffee. - she's here! - who? uh-oh. a flower vase, a dictionary, or a typewriter? no, no. she just brought some contracts for mr. b. i'll tell you what-- why don't you take a walk around the block, and i'll get this all straightened out in no time. i'm very good at this sort of thing. i bet i get her all softened up, she'll throw her arms around ya. well, i don't know how you'll do it. well, she's thrown everything else at you. she hasn't got anything else but her arms left to throw! mr. baxter

[doorbell rings] what did i tell you? george,that's the doorbell. i was calling ralph to have him answer the door. oh, it's you. well, hi, everybody. hi. louise, how much money have we raised? not enough,i'm afraid. i'm not doing well myself. you made money with my ukulele. you sold it? going to the auction, i dropped the ukulele. i opened the case to check for damage. people threw money in it. [doorbell rings] what did you do? what else? i smiled and played sweet leilani. it's ralph. mr. jefferson. hello, everybody. hi, ralph. you're wondering what this odd-looking device is. gum on a broom. to the naked eye, yes. but in reality, it's the portable ralph hart handy-dandy lost change retriever. patent pending. of course. i did a little fishing behind the dryers. today they were biting. get to the point. the point is, i'm donating today's entire catch to the help center. oh. thank you, ralph. i'll boil thisand add it to the fund. a quarter, ralph? i threw back a couple of pennies. it's the sportsman in me. that's all of today's take? absolutely, sir.

[doorbell ringing] coming! edith, this is from mike's college. the mailman left it in our mailbox by mistake. oh, it must be the results. oh, i'm dying to know what he got. why don't you open it up and find out, huh? oh, i couldn't do that. certainly you could do that. no, archie, i can't open it. they're mike's marks and they're private. give it to me. i'll open it. but they're private. no, they ain't private, they're public. that's a public college he goes to, ain't it? i support that college with my tax money, i got a right as a taxpayer to know what goes on with that money. that's in the constitution, edith. ain't you ever heard of "no taxation without regimentation"? i still don't think it's right. oh, leave it to me, will you? oh, look at this. the way they send things nowadays. here's nearly a whole half a flap that ain't pasted down. they didn't do it right. i mean, a person could put a finger in there, i mean, even by mistake, and look what happens. imagine them sending things through the mail like that. anything could get lost. just che

[doorbell rings] florence, that's the doorbell. somebody must have pushed it. hello, mrs. jefferson. greetings, mr. jefferson, sir. i've been looking forward to this. ralph, i can't celebratenational doorman's day. why not? 'cause i don't want to. george, take him to lunch. ok, ok. i thought we might try this little french restaurant. it's perfect for national doorman's day. how many calendarsdid you give out? one for each tenant. about 365. so this is how the other half lives. i hope we get a table. leave it to me. two for lunch. do you havea reservation? no. but you don't know who i am. and i don't care to. monsieur ralph! will you requireyour usual table? may we, alfonse? i'm sure the senatorwon't mind moving. you've been herebefore? now that you mention it, last summer, the doorman's union held their annual clambake here. your tableis ready. merci. il a l'air beaucoup de plus grand personne. what was that about? alfonse thinks you're a tv star. i love it when you say, "the plane, boss, bon appetit. i really appreciate this, sir. dining with you here is the thrill of a

[doorbell rings] don't show that book around. florence, you, and i know about the poems. and that's it! keep it that way. loved your poems, mr. jefferson. you read them? no. i had the book, but i didn't have my reading glasses. oh, thank god. mrs. goldman read them aloud for me in the laundry room. weez! i didn't do it. who did? don't get so excited. it was only ralph and mrs. goldman. i'm sure they won't tell anyone else. right, ma'am. absolutely. it's mrs. segal i'm concerned about. who? in the laundry room. most of them were too moved to fold. i want my book back. i'd be happyto return it, but it's inmy collection of great worksof the western world. it's next to voltaireor t.s. eliot, or-- hi, george. hi, louise. ralph, thanks for that book of poetry. or mr. willisborrowed it. get out, ralph. is this an inopportune moment to ask for a gratuity? gratuity for what? for making my wholelife miserable? whatever you can spare. did you read the book? i wept, george. did you weep?i wept, too. of course. they were beautiful. i-i-i-i-i couldn't believe it. the soulof the man. i

(doorbell rings) why doesn't he use the back door? oh, look, mother. the man from the grocery store's here. (mumbles) uh, put it over here, sir. uh, do you go to franklin high? (mumbles) oh, i'm a sophomore, too. uh, how come i've never seen you at school? (mumbles) mother, isn't that interesting? he just moved into town. must be an exchange student. ask him what country he comes from? where are you from? (mumbles) he's from new jersey. my name's emmy lou harper. what's yours? -huh? -what's your name? (mumbles) goodbye, arthur. how could she understand him? hello, taffy? taffy, guess who just walked into my life. mr. wonderful. he's a dream. huh. that's a dream? i'm going to get out of here before i go ape. yes, he's wearing his own buckle. yeah. darn it. i wish this wasn't saturday. now i have to wait all the way till monday to see arthur at school. yeah, well, i'll see you later. bye. emmy lou, honey, take the groceries in the kitchen for me. -sure. -thank you. hello, mr. bailey. this is mrs. harper. i'd like to order some more groceries, and have th

(doorbell rings) what'd i tell you? - pardon me, is this the burns' house? - yes. - i'm lori willis. i've got a date with ronnie. - oh, well, how do you do? i'm harry von zell, a friend of the family. oh, hello, gracie. gracie, this is lori willis. - oh, hearing about mr. jantzen was bad enough, but you, too? ohhh, you cradle snatcher! - [harry] what, gracie? - you young girls are all alike. if you can't find old plumbers, you settle for old announcers. (laughing) (door slams) - i, uh, i think we better go see the next-door neighbor. maybe mrs. morton can explain this. - wasn't that strange? - for this house? (ronnie whistling) - mother, wasn't somebody at the door? - yes. - well, who, who? - harry von zell and his girl. - really? - oh, yes, those men, you know, the older they are, the more they act like it. ronnie, promise me when you're harry von zell's age, you'll never let anybody slam a door in your face. - i promise. i'm glad you got here, mr. jantzen, we've got a lot to talk about. - oh, mrs. burns, you look charming, charming. it's such a pleasure to

yelling ) ( laughter ) ( doorbell ringing ) larry? hmm? will you answer the door? ( laughter ) you want me to answer the door? will you answer the door? well, sure, why didn't you say so in the first place? hey, larry, i'm glad to see you. i've got something to tell you, man. you want to hit a movie later? no, not tonight. you will never believe this. i got myself a date with samantha evans. uh, no, jack, you don't have a date with samantha evans. i knew you wouldn't believe it. she's coming over tonight. uh, jack... when i think of those lips and those legs... and you should see those... shoulders hi, mr. roper. jack, why do you try to hide things from me? what... what do you mean? i mean your garbage disposal is broken, too. ( laughter ) why didn't you tell me he was here? what do you think...? anyway, samantha's looking for an honest guy. she caught her last boyfriend with another girl. all right! ( phone rings ) will you get that? oh, sure. no, the phone, the phone. ( phone rings ) hello? no, this is larry. oh, yeah, sure, he's uh

ooh. ( doorbell rings ) you can move in as soon as you like. hi. but me and the wife are having a disagreement about a certain matter of, uh... sex. you want to borrow a book? no, i don't want to borrow a book. no, it's about him. him? no, he's not the one. no, no, no. definitely not. this is our landlord. he's always doing that. hi. tripper, jack tripper. i'm moving in here. the one i saw was completely... oh, no, you're not. i'm not? moving in with two girls? not in my building. it'll be strictly platonic. i don't care. what does that mean? like you and me, stanley. even so, you can't move in here. well, i guess i'll put my pants on. i'm sorry, jack. yeah. so am i. that landlord of yours-- he's really the pits. ah, hot, hot! i shouldn't have let him push me around. i should've laid right into him. you still can. you won't mind? no. i'd enjoy it. you would? yeah. let's go. okay. mr. roper, i wouldn't live under your roof... it's all right, son. janet just explained it to us. i'm sorry i misjudged you. you can move in. it's all right. oh. and we ho

[doorbell rings] there's the bell to end the first round. try to keep some sense of decorum, would you, elyse? he's been through a horrible divorce and custody battle. his view of marriage is dim enough without our snuffing out what little light remains. hear, hear! well put, dad. [doorbell rings] what do we have, keith? yes, the durokites by shifco! and... for the ladies... it's daisies. and the durokites by shifco! thank you, richard. i'm short of durokites. a hug will have to do. keith, where has this dad of yours taken you? well, we startedat the footballhall of fame, then-- don't make him look bad in front of his kids. let's just say we toured the midwest. tomorrow the wine country. alex, want to fly kites? thanks, keith, but i'm too old for kites. can i have the red one? mallory? whose team am i on? what a beautifulsight to see. kids playing together, husband and wifeliving under the same roof. i had a wife...and a roof. richie, don't get bitter. i'm not bitter. i have no regrets. it's over. i just have one question. how did you let me

the smart doorbell... switch to centurylink prism tv, and get the same great channels cable gives you, without having to deal with cable. yes and? and...there's whole home dvr. plus tons of on demand options so you can watch whatever, whenever. yes and? why do you guys keep saying that? it's the first rule of improv. by saying "yes and," we accept the reality created by our comedy partners, paul. yes, right, i know. do you? massive battery factory under construction in northern nevada... has set his sights on much bigger ambitions . in addition to being the c-e-o of tesla... he's also the head of space-x. and his ultimate goal... getting humans to mars... to better the chances of survival for mankind. (( elon musk/ceo, spacex, " if something were to happen to earth, is life as we know it, does it end, or if it's on another planet then it probably doesn't end. a mulitplanet civilizations is likely to last a lot longer than a single planet civilization." )) musk says the other reason for going to mars...is t

let's take a look. [ clears throat ] [ doorbell ] >> good. now the "house hunters international" version. [ clears throat ] [ doorbell ] tres bien. >> seth: great tough as always, dwight. [ applause ] finally, you've probably seen "ramsay's kitchen nightmares" on bbc america but have you ever noticed this in the closing credits? right there. nightmare, gordon ramsay. [ laughter ] we'll be right back with colin jost. [ cheers and applause ] james drove his rav4 hybrid, unaware death was lurking. what? he was challenged by a team of lumberjacks. let's do this. he would drive them to hard knocks canyon, where he would risk broken legs, losing limbs, and slipping and dying. not helping. but death would have to wait. james left with newfound knowledge, a man's gratitude, and his shirt. how far will you take the all-new rav4 hybrid? adventures from $599, plus up to $300 to spend at sea. come seek the royal caribbean. book now, offer ends soon. plumpify your lashes with new plumpify mascara a ginormous lasht lifting brush boosts lashes to 50 times t

one company is looking to catch it's called the "ring video doorbell". one valley resident caught someone taking his mail package from his doorstep... just three days after installing it. someone stole his mail during the day: ((nikolaus rotzinger/caught thief on ring's video doorbell camera: "i was really shocked that it was around 3 o clock and she was bold enough just to come up to the door and not even ring the door bell see if anyone is home she just grabbed it and ran for it. in the audio you can hear that one of their doors is broken so she had to walk around the car and put it in the other side.")) ((kirsten joyce)) ring's video doorbell is activated by a motion detector. it sends alerts right to your phone when someone's at your door. it also allows users the ability to talk to the person at the door... using your phone... even if you're not at home./// ((kirsten joyce)) > many raised their glasses to celebrate the opening... of the brand new "beer park" on the strip. the special guests that were brought out-of-state for the grand opening. and a

it's not what you think. ( doorbell rings ) don't answer that! why not? there's liable to be somebody at the door. look, now, will you relax, mr. roper? nobody cares if you're up here. ( laughs ) janet, i'm so worried. stanley.... stanley! where have you been all night?! why do you ask that, helen? i just got up and found out you hadn't been in bed all night. and you got worried. of course i got worried. after all, sleeping is your favorite hobby. i... but... see... uh... i slept up here last night. up here? yeah. uh... oh... on the couch. oh. good morning, mrs. roper. good mor... oh, hi, jack! how have you been? i haven't seen you for a while. here's your wallet. you left it in my bed. i thought you said you slept on the couch? yeah, well, i-i, yeah, well... i-i-i-i-i-i... come on, chrissy, come on. come on! i want to stay and hear what he's go to say. come on! i think i'll help... you better stay! you're my only witness. i want to know why you lied to me just now. this is it, so help me. jack gave a party last night, and i came up here but not to have a

( "here comes the bride" resumes ) ( doorbell rings ) listen, we're having a... vicky! jack, we've got to talk. i'm sorry. i didn't know. i'll come back. vicky, we do have to talk, okay. just a second. oh, my god! i walked in on janet's wedding! it's all right. it's all right. oh, no, i shouldn't have come here. why did you? to find out why you're trying to get rid of me. get rid of you? yes, i thought we meant something to each other. we do! then, why do you want me to take that job in houston? i don't want to stand in your way. i know how much that job means to you. where did you hear that? from your father. oh, i should have known. oh, jack, that job means nothing to me. but you do. oh, vicky. so... tell me what my dear, sweet father said. he told me... psst, larry! where's jack? he's supposed to give me away. he's in the kitchen with vicky. she's, she's here? yeah, but i don't think jack is doing too well. larry, this has just gone far enough. nobody sees me! boy, you know, that was low. that was really low. oh, stop that! listen, you two... jack, i know that you ar

[doorbell rings] hi, elyse. my wife here? yeah. that's her over there. good memory. got good news for you. i'm coming back home. whoopee! i really missed you, ok? all better now? steve, get out here! it'll be like old times. you'll see. this is no time to play hard to get. i'm back, and you've got me. steve, ready for another putting match? my clubs are in the car. i'm not sure thisis the right time. why? you tired? ron, you're incredible! if you thinki want you back, you're not onlyincredible, you're stupid. i had a little lapse. it's time for you to forgive me, like you always do. not this time, ron. you can'twalk all over me. i'm not a doormat. i've got feelings,my own identity. i've got a b.a.in medieval folk dancing. i'm readyto face the world. not true. you're two credits short of a b.a. in folk dancing. that's another thingi'm thinking about-- changing my major. guess there's no point in trying to change your mind. none whatsoever. hey, steve,you want to, uh... suzanne, i don't understandwhat you're doing, but, um... but i'll respect your wishes. kind of nice

get this free calculator [doorbell rings] oh, excuse me. i hear the doorbell. uncle ernie, please don't cry. oh, mrs. wilson. hello, henry. alice. uncle ernie, i'll call you right back. i'll explain the whole thing. yes. good-bye. alice, this is one of my most treasured possessions. it's been in the family for over 100 years. i want you to have it. mrs. wilson, i couldn't possibly take it. henry, something's got to be done. maybe we'd better move to new york. we'd better go in there and explain the whole thing. mrs. wilson, would you go in the living room, please? well, yes, henry. hi, mrs. wilson. hi, dennis. gladys, dorothy. you know my brother howard. may i have your attention for a moment please? you're looking very solemn, henry. i'm feeling very solemn. quite innocently, i've made all of you the victims of a hoax. we're not moving to new york. what's that? [everyone talking] great scott, the bugle. how come we're not moving to new york? dennis, you'd better give me the bugle. give him the bugle, dennis. and i'm going to return your gifts to all of you. we

you little... ( doorbell rings ) at night anymore? it's probably larry trying to sell us so used earplugs. you got a dog up here? ( both laughing ) what makes you think that? i've been hearing a lot of whimpering. oh, you mean like this? ( whimpering ) yeah. oh. well, you see, i stubbed my toe and, uh... and whenever i hurt myself, i cry and that's the way i cry. ( whimpering ) you really are a very strange person. you know, lucky for you, you don't have a dog up here. otherwise, you'd be out on the street. and that goes for all of you. ( puppy whimpering ) shh! shh! shh! ow! ( imitating puppy ) toe... ( imitating puppy ) very strange. lot of times, being a teenager means living with labels. you know, like the ones other people give you. and the ones you give yourself. but what happens when you're labeled as someone you're t? "stop!" wearing a label you don't want... it can be so frustrating... sad...lonely. if you're feeling overwhelmed by problems at school... "watch it!" at home, or anywhere else, you don't need labels. you need pe

(doorbell) what's this? swiffer sweeper and dusters. this is nice and easy boys. it really sticks to it. it fits in all the tight spaces. this is really great. >>> the one reality show i watch. airplane repo >> that's love. dr. phil and his wife playing, which couple knows even other best on the steve harvey show. they are in it to win it. they've been married nearly 40 years. and we although the old addage, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so i wanted to know what exactly gets dr. phil's heart pumping. >> what are you making? >> this is something that i kind of made up when we were first married. >> we had more time than money. >> that's exactly right. so we start with store-bought cookie dough. >> was this the way to phil's heart, robin? >> no, this is a family show, so i'm not going to tell you the real secret to his heart. >> well, whatever they're doing, it's working. in august, the mcgraw's are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. >> you surprised phil last year withna amazing video. >> yes, i did. >> are you plotting to surprise each

i'd say about a c-plus. ( doorbell chimes ) that's jack. he's always locking himself out. ( chuckling ) chrissy! daddy! oh, daddy, you weren't supposed to be here until this afternoon. well, i caught an earlier plane so we could spend a little more time together. oh, how nice. isn't that nice, janet? you remember janet? why, yes, of course. how nice to see you again, janet. thank you. hi. and i seem to remember another girl, um... eleanor. great girl. yeah, great. she doesn't live with us anymore. no. no more. oh, that's too bad. she was a very nice girl. how do you... how do you manage with the rent? uh... yeah, we do. good. yes, we just manage right along. it sure is a beautiful day. i hope it doesn't rain this weekend. that always keeps the sinners at home. ( nervous laughter ) all right, chrissy where's the picture? fooling around. i get it. sorry. wrong pew. no, no, don't go. don't go. stay, stay my boy. well, chrissy, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? what? oh, yeah. oh, uh... daddy, this is jack tripper. very pleased t

thanks, jack. ( doorbell rings ) oh, that must be vicky. who? uh, it's a girl i want you guys to meet. must be somebody special. no, no. she's just a girl, that's all. no big deal. hi, jack. hi... you look so good. listen, i want you to meet my two very best friends. vicky, this is, um... janet. that's right-- janet. no big deal, huh? this is my other roommate, nurse terri. how are you? and that is phillip. that's janet's roommate-to-be. how do you do? congratulations to you both. janet: thank you. vicky, some champagne? hors d'oeuvres? jack, you're not leaving us, are you? no. not me, just vicky. janet: what? well, i had a previous engagement. she couldn't get out... can i show you our kitchen? hey, i like your roommates, jack. oh, thanks, vicky. listen, um, about this guy you're going out with tonight... oh, you mean rex? rex? well, yeah. oh, you're not jealous, are you? jealous? me? wait. now, you got to understand something. what you did before you met me is none of my business, is it? no. what did you do? it's none of my business. ( doorbel

westport. [ engine sputtering ] [ doorbell rings ] coming! [ doorbell rings ] all right. hello, there. my, aren't we all dressed up this morning? that's right, and your daughter's the one who dressed me. just what exactly do you mean by that, young man? i mean i'm having a wild nightmare, and you and your daughter are in it. are you new in the neighborhood? not only am i new in the neighborhood, i'm a whole new size thanks to your daughter. what did she do? there. look familiar? irving bates. oh, now i know. the toy salesman at hanley's department store. your father? no, but you're close. it's me. oh, my stars! you better come in. tabitha! where i end up getting married. did you want me, mommy? oh, hi, mister. do you like being a little boy again? tabitha, what happened? i just realized something. i dream in full c mr. bates -- look, this seems why don't you call me irving? okay...irving i would like to talk to tabitha for a minute, so you just keep right on dreaming. all right. if i wake up before you get back, nice meeting you. [ laughs nervously ] come with me. all rig

[doorbell rings] hey, charlie. in all the years i've known you, i've never made a social call, so i'm dropping by. you want meto pay my bar bill. come on in. my accountant's on vacation. my bills are pilin' up. it's not thati need money. it's just that the kidsare on my back about getting themsome food. winter's coming on, so the wife iswhining about heat. what do i owe? here's the tab, sir. i'll write you a check. hey, nice bar you got here, kind of a beginner's model. how about a drink? hey, charlie. that's whati'm here for. step right up.peanuts? yeah, don't mind if i do. say, charlie, do you ever worry about bein' robbed? robbed? no. wouldn't you feel safer if you had a gun? if somebodyrobs my bar, all they'll getis money. you canreplace money, but you can'treplace people. where you need a gunis in your home. to defend your loved ones. right. i know this guy. his wife won't let him keep a gun. your friend'sa real wimp. what? i mean, he is? i got this theory. a woman's a woman,and a man's a man. i've always been

[doorbell rings] florence, will youget that, please? after day after day. i don't know. life seems so simple on the flintstones. oh, hello,mr. winslow. how's our millionth customer? that's a sore subjectaround here. good. may i come in? well, actually-- please come in. oh, isn't that cute? mrs. jefferson, there you are, our little gold mine. has your husband seen this? yeah.get out! look who's visiting,the young son of a-- george! what do you want,winslow? fate has played a trick on you, jefferson. you're our biggest competitor, and your wife is our millionth customer. this is like lee iacoccagetting caught driving a honda. i had dinner with my boss last night. you know what he said? "be careful.don't fall offyour high chair." he said, "winslow, you've humiliated george jefferson. i'm giving you a raise." isn't that great? weezy, bring ussome coffee. i take cream. we don't have any cream. would clorox be ok? blue sky cleaners wants to run ads featuring your wife ruining you. sound good? jefferson cleanerswants to run ads featuring your lipsnailed to a bus.sound good? do

i love them all. [ doorbell rings ] >> sofía! you stopped coming to the café. >> rand. have to talk. >> but you loved my coffee. >> let's just say i found something better. ♪ >> can he make it rich? >> mm-hmm. >> hot and iced? >> ah! >> how about an iced layered latte? >> [ chuckles ] >> who is this coffee maestro? >> me. with my ninja coffee bar, i can choose a single cup or a carafe of hot, rich coffee, plus iced coffee and specialty brews. rand, you need

[doorbell rings] i'll get it. hello, mr. jefferson. miss sanderson. i won't be able to accept your cleaning bid. we're running away together. his wife is a killer. you hussy! look who's calling who a hussy. you're cheating on your husband with mr. jefferson. i'm not cheating. this ismy husband george. i thought this was your husband george. my husband isgeorge jefferson. well, this is george nylund. how do you do? all right. i'm confused. i'm not. so what are we doin' down here? mr. jefferson, since we're not leaving, you can have my contract. oh, thanks. nice to meet you. you're a lucky man. you're lucky, too. i mean really lucky. i mean, you are the luckiest-- except for me. i'm luckier. right,goober cheeks? george, goober cheeks won't work this time. don't get mad at me. i didn'tstart this mess. you're right. i guess i did kind of make a fool of myself. are you mad at me? i could be,except for one thing. what? you were so cute. cute? you were jealous of meand everything. it must be terrifying to think you could belosin' the very best. the very best

[doorbell rings] oh, hi, charlie. long time no see. long time no drink. i'm sorry we haven'tbeen to your bar lately, but we haven'tforgotten about you. how's your lovelywife georgia? uh, gloria is just fine, thanks. oh, i'm so embarrassed. i just blanked out. come on in, uh... charlie. charlie. right. hey, mr. jefferson. hey, charlie. you know how you share problems with me? i'd like to share one with you. is it your son don? uh, that's diane, sir. whoa. you dohave a problem. could i get you a drink? yes, thank you. i've never made one of those. juice half a lemon,add powdered sugar, and some gin. shave some ice and strain itinto a collins glass. add some ice cubes, fill it with non-carbonated water, then float 1/2 ounceof wild cherry brandy on top. then decorate it with seasonal fruit. how about some coffee? i'd love some. coming up. have a seat. thank you, sir. what's the problem? i need some good business advice. who better to come to, eh? charlie, you'reembarrassing me. what kind of advicedid you want? what's the best way to ask you for a business loa

for you, here's a little one [doorbell] come in! hi, everybody. see, helen. i told you i smelled doughnuts. sit down and join us. oh, i'm sorry. florence just came from the bakery. i bought a dozen assorted for you. thank you, florence. for me? for us. thank you, florence.that was thoughtful. i like doing little things for nice people. then get mesome coffee. i also do nice things for little people. tom! i was just sniffing, sweetheart. florence isin the kitchen. so what's the plan? what plan? we're having a surprise party for florence tonight. a surprise party? does she knowabout it? what's the specialoccasion? none. we just think she should have a special day. she's already got one--halloween. anyway, jenny's upstairs right now, finishing the cake, so-- weezy, did you knowabout this? how comenobody told me? because you can't keep a secret, george. what do you mean? remember the time you saidyou were working late and we went to seethe female mud wrestlers? i kept thata secret, didn't i? i'll explain it later, dear. you certainly will. louise, rememberwhat yo

i just hope he hasn't-- [doorbell rings] kitchen. jeannie. oh! heh. man: good evening. hello, major jamison. i-- i wasn't expecting anybody. [yawns] as a matter of fact, i was just going to bed. at 7:00? oh. uh, sorry to bother you, captain, but we need your help. yeah, well, what can i do for you, sir? you can help me straighten out my son. it's just that custer's imagination runs away with him. it wasn't my imagination. weren't you and that lady floating in the air? tell them. see what i mean. talk to him. hi there, custer. say, you probably know more about space mechanics than any boy your age. so you of all people should realize that... ordinary people just can't float in the air. but i saw you. yeah. [tony stammering] if you can tell me how, under normal circumstances, a person can float in the air... [jeannie giggles] there's someone in the kitchen. i, uh-- i'm, uh, sorry we intruded, captain nelson. you didn't, not at all, sir. [jeannie giggles] didn't you hear that? now, let's get home, dear. we've taken up enough of captain nelson's time. boy, grownups sure hav

we don't want to lose you. ( doorbell rings ) that roper! he's got a lot of nerve throwing his weight around like that. hi. listen, you! this is a partnership here. and if you throw one of us out then you throw us all out. right? right! right. what? i just came to apologize for my niece. what? she admitted she practically attacked poor jack here and he showed no interest at all. and the poor girl feels like she's over the hill. now, does that mean that he can stay? sure. sure, jack has his rights, just like any other minority. ( all cheering ) we're so glad you can stay. oh, boy, i was sweating there for a minute. so were we. where were you all night? well, we drove around a lot and i had a special errand to run. oh, can it, jack. what kind of special errand is going to be... oh, janet, it's your cameo. oh, you bought it back from the pawn shop. where'd you get the money for it? well, i couldn't waste roper's money on karen, could i? janet, oh, come on. you know how i hate the silent treatment. ( laughs ): happy birthday. boy, helen, the kid

[doorbell rings] weezie, you're exaggerating. ahh! george, doesn't all thistell you something? yeah. pointed-toe shoes are back in style. [doorbell rings] florence, get this one. ok, ok. ralph.that was quick. i flew here on winged feet. i was turned into a virtual hermes. whatever you got,don't give it to me. the paper? right here, sir. oh, well, uh... mr. jefferson, i can't give you this. although i admire you as being great and generous, florence's strike needs my complete sympathy and support. striking for a better lifestyle is as american as apple pie. out of my way, commie. what about all the sympathy and support? a friend's a friend and a buck's a buck. and frankly, my friend's always been a buck. here's 20 bucks.destroy those picket signs. there's anold lady with one. kick her for me. i couldn't do that. here's five more. i don't discriminate against age. george, everybody'sagainst you. please give florenceher pension plan. as thesay in american, "uh-uh," in russian, "nyet," and in spanish, "no way, jose!" you give your store employees benefits-- pensions, profit sharing

[doorbell rings] [ding-dong] oh, no, let me. perhaps you should explain to louise who's the servant and who's the employer. oh. who was it? peddlers. [ding-dong] persistent peddlers. i got to powder my nose. [ding-dong] uh... i'll get it. i'm returning the pearlnecklace i borrowed from her. your maid has a pearl necklace? george is so generous. louise has been with us a long time. won't you introduce us? no. why bother? you'll never see them again. don't be ridiculous. hello, i'm helen willis. this is my husband tom. i'm mrs.pauline jones-smythe. well, you certainly have a lot of names. how long have you known george and louise? george and louise? george, where is louise? huh? uh... excuse me.excuse me. excuse me! at an inopportune moment. louise can clear this up. where is she? uh... oh, thereshe is. you mean me? well, so long, tom. wish me luck. whatis going on? you know women. they never go to the bathroom alone. but what'sgeorge doing there? search me. willis, come here! see? now this works out perfectly. i can ask him. we'v

[doorbell rings] jenny, it's your daughter and her baptism. don't blame me ifwhen florence starts singing, jessica thinks she's being punished. tom, that was embarrassing. what's so embarrassing about consumer awareness? they always let you test drive new c cs. we were atthe delicatessen! could you call a truce? i want to show you my dress. you should have seen him. than he was all over the ham. willis, try to throw food out of your mind. what? jenny invited florence's group to sing at jessica's baptism. i want somebody special. what do you think? pimento loaf. i knew i forgotsomething. what's a partywithout pimento loaf? willis, jessica's my granddaughter. she deserves the best. jessica'smy granddaughter, too. all right. out of pity, she deserves the best. what should i say? you want meto tell you to hireandrae crouch? who? look, florencewill be fine. wait. ain't andrae crouch a gospel singer? the best. he's the kind of person i'm looking for. because i'm george jefferson. i'm tom willis.pleased to meet you. why would he sing? i don't know. w

there' i didn't hear any doorbell. [ doorbell rings ] why wait till the last minute? [ ding! ] [ ding! ] endora. samantha: larry. don't you look lovely? well, if it isn't the glamorous, ever-popular endora. oh, a simple curtsy will do. you're out of this world. you might say that. is that pot roast i smell? [ ding! ] uh, smell again. lobster thermidor. mother, that wasn't necessary. it is if i'm staying for dinner, darling. well, uh, what'll you have? the usual. coming right up. [ gasps ] why, samantha, how lovely! what's that doing up there? it's hanging on a nail, dear boy. what a beautiful likeness, samantha. and such a clever idea. it's reminiscent of the "mona lisa." who did it? leonardo da vinci did it. [ laughs ] mother, stop fooling around. i meant leonardo da vinci did it first. and darrin copied it. darrin? [ ding! ] a friend of yours, huh? then how come you signed it? i signed it? you son of a gun, you're good. you signed it. darrin, it's remarkable! i guess it is kind of remarkable... for an amateur. "amateur"? well, you're a master! behind every great man, there'

i chew on the left. ( doorbell rings ) yeah? that's terrible! why? that means one side of my mouth will wear out before the other. hi, mrs. roper. hi, janet. by the time i'm 30, i'm going to be lopsided! look, honey, why don't you try just exercising with the other arm? no, no, no. see, mrs. roper what we were talking about... look, i don't have much time. i just wanted to warn you that mr. roper is on the rampage for his rent. oh, my goodness. is it rent time already? gee, i didn't know that. did you, chrissy? no. you know me, janet-- i can never keep track of time. well, the rent's ten days overdue. eleven. oh, look, ordinarily see, he's been looking over the ads in the papers and it's given him an idea of how much he can really get for this dump. listen, we are going to pay the rent today just as soon as jack gets home. oh, thanks, janet. see? there's no reason for mr. roper to get excited. oh, no, no-- not excited. i said he was upset. mr. roper rarely gets excited. well, it is a good thing jack's collecting that $100 larry owes him. yeah. otherw

[ doorbell rings ] larry? sam. darrin. forgive me for dropping in unannounced, and i just dropped by to -- what happened to your redecorating? well, aunt hepzibah turned out to be an indian giver. when she left, she took windsor castle with her. so we just brought the other stuff down from the attic. oh. darrin, how did you manage it? well, we, uh, we got a couple of moving men and -- i mean, into going to salem with you? oh, that. i'd rather not talk about it, larry. then you tell me, sam. the genius is so modest. well, all -- all right. the genius said to himself, "what would larry do i-if he were in my place?" good, good. and when he saw mr. hitchcock making eyes at hepzibah, well... yeah, yeah? ....he decided to play matchmaker. you son of a gun. [ laughing ] well, it, uh, it broke when we were moving things back. it's easily replaced. oh. well, i-i better run. i'm late for bye-bye. [ sighs ] "hepzibah will be watching." [ tinkles ] oh, just one more thing -- if you need me in salem to help with hitchcock, feel free. o

[doorbell rings] that must be the handlemans. they're upset about skippy going, so try to be supportive and show them a good time. hello. private handlemanreporting for party, sir. hey. at ease, handleman, at ease. come in, rose. harry, good to see you. thank you for throwing this shindig for irwin. i'm sure he'd do the same if we enlisted. we're so proud of him. he's going to besuch a wonderful soldier. he's goingto look so handsomein his uniform. don't worry, mom. i'll call every day-- twice a day! once a day is fine. every other day is fine. well, everybody, help yourselves. have something to eat. what's he going to eat in the army? he doesn't eat everything. it won't be like the good nourishing food he's been eating at our house and yours all these years. these are raw. when are you shipping out? sergeant davis is coming here to get me so we can reach fort wharton by 0600 hours, is 600 hours after "o." i spoke tosergeant davison the phone. he sounds very nice. i told him aboutall of irwin's special sweetlittle quirks. you don

[doorbell rings] he's bringing her back already. the elevator had lights. inviting us toanother stupid party? the answer's no!i'd rather die! in that case, how's tonight? come on in. thank you, louise. i wanted to returnthe necklace i borrowed. thanks so much. oh, you're welcome. how werethe hors d'oeuvres? you were eating them. it's hard discussing something that's disappearing at the speed of light. i had a greattime last night. i enjoyedmeeting joe blake. he was very charming. yes, especially for an ex-convict. an ex-convict? we didn't want to mention it. joe's trying to start fresh. ain't you afraid of having an ex-convict around? you're afraid when the toast pops up early. joe is completely rehabilitated now. oh. but... but what? but what? but i felt strangewalking into the kitchen. was your bed moved out? no, not that. i went in and foundjoe alone with helen. it made me feelsomewhat uncomfortable. actually, i felt kind of uncomfortable, too. you thought he'd steal something? no, joeisn't a thief. oh. he's a murderer. florence is out with a convicted m

i want to. ( doorbell ringing ) but, jack... listen, by the time i'm finished he'll be eating out of your hand. hey, phil, come on in. hello, jack. how are you doing? listen, uh, about yesterday... i got to tell you something that... janet thought you were a terrific guy right from the start but i let my imagination run away with me. you look lovely. well, thank you but i just hope it's not too late to patch things up. shall we go? yes. let me tell you something janet's a great girl and once you get to know her she's tons and tons of fun. sir? sir?! ( gasps ) what? are you all right? me? yeah. sure. sure. i'm... i'm fine. i'm fine. good. don't leave me! listen, it's all right. i'm sorry. now, this aircraft is perfectly safe. mm-hmm. so why don't you just sit back and relax? okay, i'll try. thank you, uh... vicky. you're welcome, mr.... jack. mr. jack. oh, vick... vicky! vicky! vicky! what's the matter? uh, that bump-- i think we just hit a mountain or something. maybe i better get you a drink. that would be nice. beer, scotch, b