>> jimmy: gary. >> gary. >> jimmy: gary. >> see, that's a good dog name. >> jimmy: yeah, she's reallyever. >> my dog is, like, seven months, actually. he's a little poodle, and he's super cute, and -- i wouldn't -- we kept trying to give him a cool name like gary, but he belongs to my daughter, so she wanted to name him, like, snowball. and we're like, "no, try again." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're not going to disrespect that dog. >> yeah. it's like i'm going out in the park yelling, "snowball!" like, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's kind of cute. what did you end up with? >> it was a lot of compromising. his name's teddy. very neutral. >> jimmy: teddy's awesome. >> it's respectable, he can grow -- when he's older, we can call him theodore. >> jimmy: theodore. absolutely. yeah, that's very smart. [ laughter ] he's wearing glasses, reading the paper. yeah. >> my two favorite dog names of all time, just any dog names ever. >> jimmy: yeah. >> one is -- lorne michaels told me this -- that he, a long time ago, had a basset hound, and his name was lou gottlieb, vice president of sales. [ l

threat. >> jimmy: you didn't commit on that last one. >> triple threat. >> jimmy: i -- >> jimmy: wells as well as ups. >> it always hasn't been -- i didn't always have the three things. >> jimmy: for young timothy. >> there was a time when i just starting, i wasn't even very good at one thing and it was hard. i struggled. >> jimmy: but i like -- tell me the -- >> waiting tables, not getting work. getting hired, then getting fired. >> jimmy: that's what i want to talk about. >> getting fired? >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, i was -- you'll know the end of this story. i was in a movie for a minute there called "practical magic," with sandra bullock. >> jimmy: absolutely. the great sandy bullock. [ cheers ] >> yeah. if any of you have seen the movie, you'll know how this ends. it wasn't -- i got fired from that movie -- i got hired last minute. they said they were -- i read the script, and i said, "there's not part in there for me." i don't understand why they're giving to me. they said, well, they want clooney, but they're open. which means that -- which means it shoots in like three days and

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't -- no. >> it's over. >> jimmy: yeah.immy: it's good that you try to get out there. the biggest story of 2013 has to be your hairstyle. >> yeah. >> jimmy: everyone -- [ cheers and applause ] did you know that this was gonna be that big of news? >> no, no. i tell you, i thought that maybe a story, but i didn't think that we would still be talking about it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it is -- it looks gorgeous. >> you like my bangs? >> jimmy: it looks beautiful. absolutely, i love your bangs. [ cheers and applause ] picture perfect. it looks fantastic. you also debuted @flotus on twitter. you're on twitter now. your twitter handle. >> i'm a tweeter. >> jimmy: yes, you are tweeter now, @flotus. >> yeah. >> jimmy: why -- why -- why twitter? >> i started tweeting on the campaign trail and now that that's over, i just switched over. it's a great way to connect and send messages out. i mean, we are doing some tweeting, you and me. >> jimmy: i know exactly what -- [ talking over each other ] yeah, because i wanted to surprise e

>> jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: come on, my pal. >> what's up? >> jimmy: how are you doing?>> yes, yes. >> jimmy: this is very exciting. what made you start doing this? >> you know, i've always loved doing music, and i just did a movie -- well, not just, but a few years ago, i did a movie called "janie jones" i was here for. >> jimmy: i love that. i remember that. >> i played a singer/songwriter in that. so, i kind of started messing around. >> jimmy: yes, you knew like two chords. >> yeah, i knew an "e" and an "a." >> jimmy: now do you know more than two or all your songs only two chords. >> one chord actually. >> jimmy: one chord only. >> yeah. one chord. >> jimmy: that's all you need really. >> now i use four chords. >> jimmy: that's amazing, that's all you need. >> sometimes i'll go crazy with five. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: slow down, baby! slow down. >> slow down. but, yes, i've been writing and recording. >> jimmy: it's almost like the reverse of justin timberlake. >> exactly, well, yeah, i mean, he's a huge inspiration for that, you know, being a musician and then

jimmy: perfect!i won! >> thank you. i love you so much! >> jimmy: thanks to the great, drew barrymore. look for her flower beauty line exclusively at wal-mart. thandie newton joins us after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] going to sleep may be easy, but when you wake up in the middle of the night it can be frustrating. it's hard to turn off and go back to sleep. intermezzo is the first and only prescription sleep aid approved for use as needed in the middle of the night when you can't get back to sleep. it's an effective sleep medicine you don't take before bedtime. take it in bed only when you need it and have at least four hours left for sleep. do not take intermezzo if you have had an allergic reaction to drugs containing zolpidem, such as ambien. allergic reactions such as shortness of breath or swelling of your tongue or throat may occur and may be fatal. intermezzo should not be taken if you have taken another sleep medicine at bedtime or in the

>> jimmy: i did. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i wanted to book him on the show. >> oh, that's fantastic. >> jimmyor something. so, i go, you can come build something. [ laughter ] >> oh, wait a minute, i get it, he was jesus! >> jimmy: yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: happy easter, everybody! that's an amazing story. >> happy easter. >> jimmy: rolled the rock out of the way, everything. superhuman strength. >> he was jesus. i get it. >> jimmy: yes. >> so let me asking you something, this pillow here, can i move this? [ laughter ] i mean, this is for short people, right? >> jimmy: it is not -- >> when you have short people here. >> jimmy: we usually -- >> because i'm sitting here like this, like i can't even get comfortable so. all right. >> jimmy: we usually have the horse jockeys on the show. >> i got it. i got it. >> jimmy: they fit perfectly on this chair. >> this is a man-sized chair here. >> jimmy: man-sized chair. relax, get into it. >> no, i'm good now. i'm good now. >> jimmy: all right. perfect. how's my pal, oprah? [ laughter ] >> she doesn't know you. >> jimmy: she doesn't know me

>> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: fist bump. >> uh. [ light laughter ] okay. >> jimmy: kathie lee, youause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that means you have to chug it. >> so, what do i do? this one? >> jimmy: just chug that one. >> with the ball in it? [ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah! ♪ no, no, no, you don't have to do that. >> does that count? >> jimmy: that was a mistake. that was a mistake. all right, here you go. yeah, i wouldn't make you do that. you go. >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: for the win! [ audience ohs ] >> ooh. ♪ >> jimmy: for the win! >> no. ♪ >> jimmy: for the win! >> oh, yes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yes! ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ] you're the best. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the best! oh, my gosh. i love ya. what a good sport! my pal -- oh, my god! our thanks to kathie lee gifford! james purefoy joins us next! come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ because music is a force. world? for good for change. for whatever. because we were all conceived to a 4/4 beat. because mu

i can't do that. >> jimmy: i can't do it. >> no. >> jimmy: but i'm getting to it now. >> yes. >> jimmymmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i'm so flattered. >> jimmy: i -- well, the thing is -- >> did you fall off the wagon with me or were you just -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. i just -- i just -- i got as much of you as i needed -- >> oh, geez. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: -- for that day. then, i went back to enjoy more of you. i don't want it to end. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> you can just -- you can just -- >> jimmy: i don't -- >> are you blushing? you're blushing! >> jimmy: i don't want it to end. i have high blood pressure. [ laughter ] i -- i -- >> keep digging, digging that hole. >> jimmy: i know, i know, i know. my wife's going to kill me. but, look, it is interesting. and i actually heard this debate with people. and they go, do you -- should you watch all the shows at once? isn't it more fun to watch an episode then wait a week and think of what the character's going to do next, then see the episode? >> no. >> jimmy: i don't think so. >> i don't either. >> jimmy: it depends. it

jimmy? >> jimmy: all right, very nice. >> so i dance? >> jimmy: well, kind of, yeah.ve a beautifully decorated easter egg here. it's been hollowed out. all you have to do is put it on your head and start dancing the easter heg -- the easter ed -- sorry. [ light laughter ] the egghead dance. has nothing to do with easter. just start dancing when you hear the roots play the egghead song, and then you have to leave it on for the rest of the game. sound good? [ laughter ] >> perfect. >> jimmy: all right, go ahead. put on your egg head. [ laughter ] all right. looking good! audience, cheer him on! audience, ready, set, dance! ♪ ♪ you got an egg head you got an egg head you got an egg head you got an egg head ♪ >> jimmy: oh, i love it! i love it! you did it. five points. how do you feel? >> oh, great. >> jimmy: all right, fantastic. help him out, please. let's go over to this -- this side over here. oh, she'll walk you over. be careful. he's going to fall down, sue us and we'll lose more than $100. hey, how you doing, buddy? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: all right, you kn

>> jimmy. >> jimmy: dude, always good to see you, my friend. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: look the youh your beard. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: very, very sexy gentleman there. we have a sexy show. a sexy show. you, michael bolton, and mike tyson. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you meet mike? >> i did. i just met mike, yeah. it was -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was fantastic. i've always wanted to meet mike tyson. >> jimmy: yeah. were you scared? >> no. >> jimmy: no, you weren't. >> no, no. he was charming. >> jay: he's very charming. >> i've been a big fan of boxing for many, many years. >> jimmy: yeah. >> many years. did you like -- do you like -- manny -- oh my goodness. >> yeah -- i like lewis. i'm british, right. [ talking over each other ] >> boxing is one of those sports i always think where, you know, where -- actually this is easy for me to say because i'm british and we haven't found ever many good boxers. >> jimmy: no. >> in history we have, but not recently. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but it never felt like you, you know, support your country. you just support the guy you like. >

>> jimmy: yeah."hey." [ laughter ] and then someone shuffled me away. [ laughter ] we have music from the one and only prince. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: can't believe it. we're not even allowed -- i can't sing any of his songs, right? because we can't clear any of his songs. so i can't even hum anything. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: but you know the ones. i'm like -- ♪ um -- that's all i can say. [ laughter ] you know the one i'm talking about? >> steve: yeah. ♪ um -- >> jimmy: and then i like -- ♪ yeah >> steve: oh, that's a great one. that's a great one. >> jimmy: yeah, those -- ♪ wait that's all i can say. i can only one, because if you do two notes -- >> steve: no. boom. >> jimmy: you got to pay, like, $30,000. ♪ li -- >> steve: that's one of my favorite songs. >> jimmy: that one might be too much. can you say "li"? -- no, you can't say that one. >> steve: oh. i blew it. >> jimmy: so, anyways, prince -- i've never seen prince in concert live. but -- so, yeah. so, here's the sto

> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] but she really went for it. can we see the rest of the clip? [ slurping ] [ laughter ] [ burps ] >> jimmy: yeah, there you go. [ laughter ] that's not easy to do. some more political news. tomorrow, president obama will visit israel for the first time since taking office. you can tell he's trying to impress them because he was like, "call me barack." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ speaking of obama, did you hear about this? the history channel's mini series, "the bible," is facing criticism because the actor who plays satan looks a lot like president obama. [ light laughter ] take a look. it's weird. [ laughter ] i mean, i guess so. but, i mean, to me it looks more like bob dylan doing an eminem impression. [ laughter ] can we see what it would look like if he had a hoodie on? there you go. [ laughter ] that makes more sense. the guy who plays satan on "the bible" looks like president obama. even rush limbaugh was outraged. he was like, "how can you do that

welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: hey, guys. it's going to be a fun show tonight. we're going to have a good time. here's what people are talking about. you guys, it was just announced that president obama will speak at ohio state's graduation in may. which should be great. i mean, the president has a lot in common with those students. he's currently in his fifth year and swamped in debt. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] perfect. have you heard about this? officials in pakistan are complaining about the movie "zero dark thirty" contains a lot of errors about the country. they were like. [ in pakistani accent ] the movie makes pakistan out to be a hellish wasteland of corruption and intolerance, but in real life it is way worse than that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's like watching a pixar movie when i saw that. i was waiting for randy newman to play a song at the end, i swear. [ laughter ] check this out, you guys. after the success of his book "killing lincoln," bill o'reilly is coming out with a new book called

>> jimmy: great.news, prince william and kate middleton's baby is due this summer. here for more on the story is our correspondent simon crawford. simon? >> that's right, jimmy. although prince william and the duchess' baby isn't due until this summer, people are already speculating about the baby's gender. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. sorry, can you stop that? it's a little annoying. >> oh, sorry, i just thought it'd be fun to try out a british accent. anyway, i guess we'll just -- [ laughter ] -- have to wait until the baby's born to see if it's a boy or a girl. back the you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, simon. [ cheers and applause ] now, we're joined by our entertainment correspondent barry sobel, who's got a limousine waiting outside. barry, who's in your limousine? >> thank you, jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. i've got my limousine outside. ♪ there's a party going on. ♪ i don't want to brag. ♪ i don't want to name names. ♪ make you feel bad who i'm down with in my limousine. jess

>> jimmy: i love you, too. before we get started, i have to talk about the rumors that came out today, which says that i'll be moving up to 11:30. or as my parents call it, "eh, that's still too late." [ laughter ] actually, the rumors are true. nbc is turning "the tonight show" into a diving competition. [ laughter ] so exciting. did you guys hear about this diving show, "splash?" [ cheers ] last night, nine million people watched the premiere of abc's show, "splash," where celebrities, including louie anderson -- [ laughter ] -- dive off a platform 20 feet in the air. nine million. which is also the number of people who got splashed when louie anderson jumped in the pool. [ laughter ] i had to do it! how could i not? [ applause ] >> steve: you've got to do it. >> jimmy: how could i not do it? >> steve: he'd be the first one to want you to do that. >> jimmy: louie himself would have wanted me to say it. [ imitating louie anderson ] >> steve: do that joke, jimmy. >> jimmy: you guys, pope francis is settling int

>> well, you see, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah?oint of this whole thing?" >> jimmy: don't you want to eat the cereal, yeah? >> get people to eat the cereal. i'm the poster child for your cereal. >> jimmy: i'm actually eating it, yeah. >> i'm eating it. >> jimmy: uh, we don't want you to eat it. >> yeah, don't eat the cereal we want everybody else to eat. but, i was also -- i was a little boy crazy. and there was a boy that was in the commercial with me, and the reason -- part of the reason i was eating the cereal was because i just literally couldn't breathe around boys at that point. and i would just go -- agh! like, run up and down the stage and eat the cereal. they'd b go, "hayden, don't eat the cereal." and i was like -- hey. 5-years-old. >> jimmy: 5-years-old, flirting with another 5-year-old boy? >> no, he was older. >> jimmy: there you go. he was six. >> he was -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he was seven. >> six and a half. >> jimmy: i didn't know you had such a pretty voice. >> thanks. >> jimmy: you have a beautiful -- you have

do you ever feel that way, jimmy? >> jimmy: i wouldn't know. girlfriend for a very long time. >> you had an imaginary girlfriend. >> jimmy: it occurred to me, i have some friends who are very bright who didn't even get into notre dame. this numb skull somehow graduated in three and a half years. he doesn't know what the difference between a man and a woman are online. >> you know what, we listened to the voicemails. we played them on the show. and honestly, it sounded like a young woman to me. and now they're saying this ronaiah tuiasosopo -- i had to work very hard to learn how to say that. that it was actually his voice that had been somehow altered. >> jimmy: not according to dr. phil. and i don't believe that either. >> he said it was actually a girl's voice? >> jimmy: dr. phil called in the police to investigate it. and apparently there is like a one in ten billion chance that it's actually his voice. it didn't sound anything like him. >> right. >> jimmy: now that's another great interview. did you try get an interview with tuiasosopo? >>

>> jimmy: yes.eries. >> they're like tom cruise is coming back to talk to you. i become so nervous that he's walking toward me. i take microphone and i don't realize that it is not plugged into the camera. and i literally almost slice his face in half with the wire from the microphone as i whip it and it goes over my head. i'm like, we're a professional operation. >> jimmy: do you know what would happen if you sliced his face in half? he would have put them back together, he would have continued no problem. >> he's an elegant gentleman. he's an american hero and an elegant gentleman. >> jimmy: i will see you bright and early in the middle of the night on monday morning. my pleasure to be there. >> will you ever forgive me for that? >> jimmy: i have already forgiven you. kelly ripa! we'll be right back with elon musk. ,, only the best dishes make applebee's 2 for $20 menu, and our newest entrees are just bursting with the "jazzed-up" flavor of bourbon street. [ male announcer ] alan, come on, let's g

>> jimmy: for? most people say for. >> against. >> and let me ask you this, if you had to marry one of them, johnny depp or hugh jackmon. >> jimmy: looks like a johnny depp guy to you all right? >> i don't answer none of that [ bleep ] that's why they call this joint hollyweird. >> jimmy: pretcy sure he was talking to a guy. >> jerry from northern california. >> are you for or against same-sex marriage? >> for. >> jimmy: jerry, most people say for same-sex marriage. i don't know how we know that. but let's find out. >> for. >> and let me ask you, would you rather be married to paul walker or vin diesel? >> jimmy: paul walker or vin diesel? paul walker? >> i would have to say vin diesel. >> he's a fine looking man. in a manly sort of way. >> jimmy: all right. we're learning more about these people than i anticipated. all right, we have another one? >> my name is kathy and i'm from staten island, new york. >> kathy, are you for or against same-sex marriage? >> jimmy: wait a minute. what was that there

>> jimmy: yeah.>> jimmy: it was so good. it's just you went up and everyone was just like happy and just like, oh, my god, and big smiles. >> and you were there. >> jimmy: i felt like crying. it was so great. >> if you would have cried, all i was thinking about on the way up there, i've got to get my dress, make sure it's cover everything it's supposed to, and i can't trip on lena's dress, because she's right in front of me, and don't make eye contact with george clooney, and keep walking. and i get to the stage and then i hug you and seeing you really almost made me cry. 'cause i've known you for a long time. >> jimmy: aw. >> and no, it was really -- it was such an honor for you to be the one to do that. and then i was like, you cannot ugly cry, girl. you cannot ugly cry. >> jimmy: ugly cry? >> ugly cry. >> jimmy: ugly cry, do you have a -- >> like a real, a real ugly cry. >> jimmy: i don't know if you can -- >> i'm like this -- >> jimmy: i don't think you can have an ugly cry though. i don't think

[ laughter ] >> dicky: coming up, more of our best on "jimmy kimmel live this week." >> jimmy: i'm jimmy for inviting me. >> no problem. i love coming to applebee's. the two for 20 menu, with the flavor of bourbon street, you get one appetizer and two entrees, like the new creamy cajun and steak shrimp. >> jimmy: wow, that was almost english. thank you, guillermo, this sounds great. let's eat. >> and best part is that you get the app and two entrees for just 20 bucks. >> jimmy: i heard that earlier. can we eat now? >> no, that is mine. >> jimmy: what is this? >> i'm eating my dinners. >> jimmy: they're both for you? >> i told you it was two forv d here? >> i don't like to eat alone. the food is real good. >> jimmy: can i have some chicken? >> no, no, no. >> dicky: come tree applebee's two for 20 menu. one app and two entrees for just 20 bucks at applebee's. see you tomorrow. [ male announcer ] alan, come on, let's get to the food. folks are hungry. oh, of course. [ male announcer ] the new creamy cajun steak & shrimp. big easy meets big value on our famous 2 for $20 menu. see you tomorro

> jimmy: why?hey decided to just keep the tension going until february. so, fine with me if you guys -- i know you might be confused but -- >> jimmy: yeah. i know, i think "community" fans might enjoy it. >> yes, they might think it's all part of the plan. here's joel mchale on next week's episode of "community." >> happy halloween parties, everyone. you all look great. >> pig. let me guess, you're a flimsy excuse to be shirtless wearing silk underwear. >> and you're as wrong as you are welcome. now this year i planned a two-person costume with annie. she's going as my ring girl. [ screams ] ♪ >> pretty freaky deaky, huh? >> annie, no. i meant the boxing match ring girl. the sexy one that hold the round numbers. >> yeah, see, this is why we can't just text about it, jeff. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see, that's what i'm talking about. very funny show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: happy it's back. happy that it returns. >> thank you. we will have no problem beating "american idol" and "the big bang

>> a lot of singing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a lot of talking to singers. >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah. >> jimmy:can you sing like that? can you like -- [ singing off key ] >> kind of, a little bit. i do in "smash," in the second season, a little bit. they gave me a classical piece. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, mm-hmm. >> jimmy: no way. that's exciting and fun. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, you get to sing, you're on with great people. anjelica is on the show. we love anjelica huston. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's a legend. bernadette peters. >> yes. >> jimmy: she's super fun, too. >> i mean, what has she done? >> jimmy: what has she done? exactly, right? but, you are actually doing a cool thing. actually, i see -- you're going to see this for the first time. i have your cd. >> no, i haven't even seen it yet! >> jimmy: i know. it's coming out in march, and it's a mix of covers and originals. ready? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: here it is. [ drum roll ] [ gasps ] that's your cd, right there. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> can i touch it? it's real. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what do you think? >> oh, my gosh. yeah, i

>> on jimmy kimmel?t on. >> we're trying to keep some details -- i don't know if we're going to tell anyone. >> jimmy: you don't know if you're going to tell anyone at all? >> besides family. >> jimmy: and the baby. you should tell the baby what it is. will the baby get paid? >> our baby is not really on tv. it's not going to be on our show. >> jimmy: never? the baby is never going to be on the show? >> no, i don't think so. >> jimmy: what if the baby feels bad about being the only one left out? >> when the baby is old enough and he or she decides that's what they want to do, that will be a decision. but, i mean, it's hard because i love seeing mason and penelope on tv. mason is i think the highlight of our show, so it's a tough decision. but i think from the start, that's a personal choice that kanye and i have made. i know kourtney struggles with it all the time. some seasons the kids are on, sometimes they're not. so from the start we're going to try to keep it as private as possible. >> jimmy: what i

. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. this is cool. a company in japan just created the world's smallest book. or as most people put it, "i'll just wait to see the world's smallest movie." [ light laughter ] yeah, the book measures only 0.03 of an inch on each side. yep, it's called "taylor swift's guide to successful relationships." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and finally, in a recent interview, snoop dogg said that he would like to get high with president obama and bill clinton. [ cheers and applause ] and then he said, "or whoever." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good crowd tonight. good crowd tonight. we've got a fun show. you guys, timberweek continues. that's right, justin timberlake is here every night. [ cheers and applause ] it's been so fun having him here. >> steve: good times in a box. >> jimmy: i'm going to miss that guy. good times in a box. [ laughter ] also, tonight, she's got the number

: hey jimmy!what happened to the band? >> guillermo: relax jimbo. i'm the new band. and i got everything you need right here. >> jimmy: i don't understand, guillermo. you are a terrible singer and you don't play any instruments. >> guillermo: that's why i've got the sonos playbar. it plays all the music on earth. >> jimmy: but if you're the new band, who's going to do your job? >> guillermo: him. >> he can do what i can do. >> i can do everything he can do. you are so funny, mr. jimmy kimmel. you are the funniest guy in the world. >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much. i like this. >> you are handsome too and very smart, and everyone loves you. >> jimmy: i think i like this new guillermo better than you. >> and i am a lot skinner than him too. he is too fat. >> jimmy: that is true. he is kind of fat. >> guillermo: shut up! you are fat! >> look at how fat he is. >> you son of a bitch. look at how fat he is. >> jimmy: he is fat. >> dicky: introducing the sonos playbar. unleash your tv sound and unleash

>> she's 3 now, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm talking about meredith gray's baby on the show. >> oh, oh. >> jimmyeen watching, have you? you don't know what's going on. >> you caught me. >> jimmy: we found out your character is having a boy. >> right, yes. >> jimmy: i guess it's all made up so it doesn't matter. >> everything is made up. nothing matters. it doesn't have to make sense. >> jimmy: i'm so glad you said that because i have something to ask you and something to run by you. and i would like you to consider it seriously if you would. >> so excited. >> jimmy: i would like to play your baby. when the sbababy is revealed. >> does that mean we get to cuddle? >> jimmy: we'll do a lot more than that. you can change me and everything. so the baby comes out and there's this beautiful moment. and tears are being shed all over the united states. and then we see the baby and it's me. like a miniature version of me or whatever. and i'm, like, a crazy demon baby. is i'll be going wild. i think you could spice things up in a very big way. >> i do, too. >> jimmy: not to mention, naked, i'm adorable. ad

>> jimmy: an animal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know, a sloth? >> close.] >> jimmy: you threw me off there. >> i'm doing -- it's a whole impression season. you want me to do a few more? >> jimmy: no, i don't. >> but they're good. >> jimmy: i want to ask you a question. and then we can get back to your impressions. because i heard a little something about you today. just a few minutes before the show started. a mutual friend of ours sent me an e-mail and said you crashed your beloved brand-new tesla automobile in the driveway of your house. >> i know who this is. >> jimmy: you crashed your car in the driveway? what happened? do an impression of that. >> no, i will not! [ applause ] >> jimmy: how new was the car? >> let me ask you a question yourself. >> jimmy: yes? >> did this e-mail come from j.j. abrams? >> jimmy: yes, it did. >> i did that idiotic thing where i have a certain spot where my car should go. i backed up too far, and i thought i'm going to push back a foot and a half. thought it was in drive. but it was in reverse. and i hit my surf rack. >>

>> jimmy: right?elanguage language ]. >> you know -- >> jimmy: the good news is that hbo has no commercials. >> i have been denying that for years. it was only aired in germany and one day my mom said i have a friend who called, sarah called and said she saw you you on german television in a commercial and i said well, that's not possible. so, mom, i know you're not watching but sorry, i lied to you. >> jimmy: hopefully mom doesn't have youtube which is designed for us to embarrass our guests i believe. you are doing a great job on the show. if you don't watch it you must. "game of thrones" sunday night at 9:00 on hbo. nikolaj coster-waldau, everybody. we'll be right back with music from dustin lynch. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >>> after your vampire stories raked in $2.5 billion what do you do for an encore? the mastermind behind . >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: his self titled album is out now. ma

>> we saw a big mix of people, jimmy. >> jimmy: how many people did you see? told a terminally ill person that they're not funny? it hurts your soul. >> jimmy: you can let them just leave. you pretend they were okay. >> so we had this one bloke coming in. i worked a little bit with disabled people before. he was the most disabled person i had ever seen. he was shaped like a pretzel. he was really disabled. and he was carried in by like this russian nurse. and she put him down. the russian nurse was a big woman, she looked really angry at me. i was like i'm so sorry for bothering you. he read his lines, he knew every line. he was hysterical. and i helped him out and i come back in to the director. i say that's the guy we're casting, i don't care who else we see. that's the guy. the next bloke wheeled himself in. obviously he's a paraplegic. i know they can get themselves to brothels, but we figured if he's a good enough actor, he can act like a quadriplegic. it's half the job. so i shake his hand, right? and his leg slightly kicks out. i went whoa! what's going

>> okay, jimmy. here goes. for many years, throughout the '90s, i had frosted my tips. >> jimmy: you frosted your tips. >> yes. i used chemicals to make the tips of my hair appear to be lighter than the rest of my hair. >> jimmy: but the tips of your hair weren't lighter than the rest of your hair. so in essence, you were cheating. >> yes. >> jimmy: wow. and did the other members of 'nsync know about this? >> j.c. knew, the others didn't. >> jimmy: do you think you guys should give back your grammys now? >> we didn't win any grammys. >> jimmy: do you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders after revealing this? >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: do you feel like crying at all right now? >> no, not really. >> jimmy: i would love it so much if you could just cry a little. i think america would hate you less if you could cry. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. go ahead, let it out. >> okay. >> jimmy: there we go. from -- there we go. you know, i wish they had a hug feature on skype right now, lance. thank you. la

i'm going to say foreigner. >> oh, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're american, huh? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> chicago. >> really? you on vacation? >> no, i live here now. >> jimmy: oh. well, thanks for nothing. here's your apple pie. thank you very much. sal, you stay there. and i always think i'm good at this and it turns out i'm not. march madness is upon us. the first round finished up in dayton tonight. the field of 64 is now set. people are saying i'm mispronouncing gonzaga. listening you're the ones that named your school gone sa go ahead and i'm the idiot. and i looked it up. it's named after an italian guy so it's gonzaga. may god strike me dead if it isn't. see, i'm right. [ applause ] >> jimmy: the president filled out his ncaa bracket. there he is filling it out. a bomb ma picked indiana, louisvil louisville, florida, and ohio state to reach the final four. he had indiana to win, but republicans in the house blocked that. and he was forced to take fresno state. there are always great moments in the ncaa championship. but it will be har

>> jimmy: you do.ing arm. >> yes. >> jimmy: let's find out. >> okay. >> jimmy: you go right there. >> i go right here. >> jimmy: is that a good spot. do we have slow motion ready? in case we need to. >> if i injury someone i'm so sorry. >> jimmy: let's see if you have a good arm. wow. that was pretty good. do we have that in slow motion? let's analyze this form here and see. you do have a pretty good -- better an my catching. very well done. there you go. >> jimmy: jennifer love hewitt! "the client list" airs sundays at 10:00 pm on lifetime. we'll be right back with steven yeun from "the walking dead." >> announcer: can't get enough kimmel? find highlights and more at abc.com. going to sleep may be easy, but when you wake up in the middle of the night it can be frustrating. it's hard to turn off and go back to sleep. intermezzo is the first and only prescription sleep aid approved for use as needed in the middle of the night when you can't get back to sleep. it's an effective sleep medicine you don't t

>> jimmy: close enough. there's so much focus at easter on the candy and the eggs and some forget what it's really about. we thought this would be a good time to send my cousin micky out to talk to children about the true meaning of easter. my cousin mickey spent 12 years in catholic school. she's very rrjs and hopefully she can shed light on what for christians is the holiest day of the year. >> tell me the story about easter, please. >> easter? >> yeah. what's easter to you. >> it's about eggs. >> that's all? >> yeah. >> there's eggs and chok the las a -- chocolates and bunnies. >> why do we celebrate easter? >> eggs. >> tell me about the story of the first easter. >> one? >> yeah. one story is good. >> two? >> do you know two? share them all. >> one, two, three, four, five. >> the meaning of easter is more about jesus than the easter bunny. but the easter bunny is a good friend. he represents jesus well. jesus can't be here, so jesus comes here and he legs eggs. everybody needs a best friend. and the east

. >> jimmy: just what we've got. i like to say happy birthday to justin bieber who turned 19 this weekend. he had a bad time at his party. regardedly he threw himself a circus themed birthday party but ended up storming out after a run in with the security guard. he tweeted worst birthday. it will get worse than that. they tried to get will smith's 14-year-old son jady in and the minimum age is 18. and justin said he left on his own when he realized he forget to wear a shirt and his pants were falling down. that is what he wore to his party. he goes to a club with no shirt and it was 35 degrees in london on friday night. how is it possible that no one in this situation gives him a wedgie? nobody. it doesn't make any sense. have to ask diddy about that. someone needs to straighten that kid out. >>> yesterday football history was made as lauren silberman was the first woman ever to try out for the nfl. he showed up at a combine for the jets and tried out as a kicker. there she is kicking the football. and -- she did no

jimmy, we bonded. >> jimmy: what did he do? >> he was just so supportive. of my transition. and he -- >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. people are skeptical when you come from the world of wrestling. it's like what? you know. there's a lot of act going on there. there is. >> skeptical of anybody who feels like they're trying to cash in on their success somehow. and a celebrity by then just going to hollywood. maybe they get a reality show or tv show or maybe they make it to the big screen. so there was a lot of skepticism at first when i broke in. he was one of the first that publicly said give him a shot, i think he's got something. when i met him, we stat down, we had dinner. he said look, stay focused and work your ass off and you're going to make it. i'll never forget that and i appreciate it. >> the thing you showed me on the phone. i want to have a look at that. >> my diet is so strict, but of course, you've got to have cheat meals, and with cheat meals -- >> jimmy: how often do you have that? >> probably every eight weeks or so. but it's a cheat day. starts

>> i did. >> jimmy: did you buy a ticket? >> i did. >> jimmy: really?he people in line. one of the wax figures has escaped! did people recognize you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did they say to you? >> what was i doing there? >> jimmy: what were you doing there? >> just looking at the things. >> jimmy: these? >> i really wanted to see it. >> jimmy: have you ever contacted them to maybe make some suggestions about some things? i mean, it really does seem like they could clean this up a little. maybe a little less sweaty even. really glistening in this thing. we're going to take a break. halle berry is here. she's got a hit new movie. it's called "the call." we'll be right back. >> 911, what is your emergency? >> please, please. >> what's your name? >> casey, casey. i'm in the trunk. >> we are going to find you, okay, honey? >> do you promise? >> she's got the best team of people in this whole city working to find you. but in order for us to help you, i need you to help me. can you see the taillight? look for the red glow, okay, sweetheart? is there any way y

. >> jimmy: well, i am impressed by that.t is a lieutenant governor does. >> jimmy: what does a lieutenant governor do? >> you wake up every morning, read the paper, looking in the obituaries for the governor's name. that's pretty much it. >> jimmy: are you rooting for governor brown's demise? >> no, he's the youngest 74-year-old in the country. he's doing fabulously well. there are a lot of fun things we do. but we're the butt of a lot of jokes. >> jimmy: what's the most fun thing? >> coming on with you is a good example. >> jimmy: i would bring you on if you were the mayor. >> the economic development, board of trustees, all those really exciting things. >> jimmy: they're important things, but they're not that interesting. >> i mean, i love my job. >> jimmy: they're interesting to intelligent people. but for our purposes, they are worthless. >> and it gives me time to write a book. >> jimmy: did you know that arnold schwarzenegger used to be governor of california? the actor. >> oh, the actor. >> jimmy: you can barely under

>> jimmy: yes. you did. if you're on television, a rule of thumb is stay away from guys named hugh all together. i don't know why it's snowing, but i'm very grateful for this network for warming us up with a brand-new dive show called "splash." celebrities compete to see who's the best diver. it took a few years but we did it. every reality show exists. it includes kareem abdul dia par, kendrick will kinson, keisha from "the cosby show." usually rudys do well in sports competition, but not this one. kareem abdul-jabbar turns out isn't a great diver. here he is attempting a -- well, i don't know what this was. . >> oh, that was the kareem abdul-ja belly flop. you think a laker would be more comfortable around water. louis anderson somehow managed to flop even before he got to the diving board. >> the first time i had to get out of the pool was my most embarrassing moment. it's humiliating. >> i play professional football in the nfl. and it was still hard to pull louis out of the pull pop i've had problems get

you ask the man to buy your beer. >> jimmy: you were not that friend. >> i am not that friend. >> jimmybig thing for your birthday? >> i will have a few people over. i'm going to have a few people over to my house. i'm going to fly in my mother for it. >> jimmy: your mom wants to be a part of it? >> aw. well, she's been there for 39 of them. she's horrified about it. that's not the right word. but can you imagine a 40-year-old child? >> jimmy: it is strange. >> parents take on a lot of things about their kids as a reflection about them. that's ridiculous. age is not one of them. she old. you know? i love you, mom. >> jimmy: the weirdest part is changing them when they get to 40. >> right. it's awkward. the breast-feeding. >> jimmy: are you having a midlife crisis or anything like that? >> i feel pretty good about turning 40. i was trying to think, have any of my behavior changed? the only weird -- it's not even that weird. the only different thing i've done lately is trying to learn a foreign language. i picked up rosetta stone french. and i do think it is some sort of recapturing -- a

>> jimmy: i am. i will say i'm an "l" for "l." [ cheers and applause ] i'm a lamb for life. >> a lot of people are naming their fans. what are your fans called? >> jimmy: my fans are called falpals. [ cheers and applause ] they are falpals, yeah. >> i'm a falpal for life. >> jimmy: you're a falpal for life, too? aw, it's a deal! pinky swear. pinky swear. >> pinky swear. >> jimmy: awesome! you're the greatest. i want to say congratulations on "american idol." thank you for doing that, 'cause now we get to see you every week, and you're doing so good. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm doing okay. >> jimmy: you're doing fantastic.

jimmy. jimmy. right. i don't know how you could forget. in the third person-- "jimmy's under the boards. jimmy's in the open! jimmy makes the shot!" ah, you're just mad 'cause we beat you. jerry, it's my fault. i couldn't make a shot. these losses stay with me. they fester, jerry! you know, this is going to plague me. ohh! yeow! hey, jimmy! ha ha ha ha. great game! oh, yeah. jimmy played pretty good. hey, you know, i felt like we had a synergy out there. you know, like we were helping each other. what you got there? these? these are jimmy's training shoes. yeah, i've seen these things. what are they? they make your legs stronger. oh, yeah. jimmy couldn't jump at all before he got these. jimmy... was like you. huh. they're plyometric. george: plyometric? yeah. they isolate the muscles. the muscle has to grow...or die. w-where do you get them? jimmy sells them. you sell them? oh, yeah. but jimmy's all out right now. moving to manhattan set jimmy back a bit. heh heh. hey, listen. let me give you my card. it's got my home number on it. i want

>> yeah. >> jimmy: there are really

i'm jimmy justice. >> but the man who calls himself jimmy justice won't back down. >> they're afraid of me. >> you're not allowed to do that. >> and they're afraid of my video camera. >> what are you doing? move away from the vehicle. >> i'm filming you breaking the law. >> his goal -- to bring justice, vigilante justice, to the streets of new york, streets on which he says he sees a double standard. >> everybody else gets summonsed the second they break the law. you're in a "no-standing" zone. it's a bus stop. >> so what? >> you would give a ticket to somebody else who did that. >> yes. >> but the people writing those summonses drive around the city like cowboys and do whatever they want, with impunity. and i wanted to bring justice. i wanted to level the playing field. >> it all begins in 2005. a fuse is lit when jimmy justice sees a traffic agent make a u-turn over a double yellow line. in his mind, an obvious violation of the law. he starts reporting the violations he sees to law enforcement by taking still photos. but he says his complaints go nowhere. so he comes up with a plan

jimmy. >> jimmy, jimmy. >> you know, me and jimmy have some interactions the last few weeks.en good. some of it has been bad. but they put me on a new med. i told them if i feel and jimmy feels that it's making me slow in any shape or form, i'm going to get off the medication because i don't like to be down. i like to be up. >> corey's decision to go off his medication not only affects him but his new cell mate, jonathan elliott, who must cope with both corey and jimmy. >> did you brush your teeth today? >> no. >> that's crazy [ bleep ]. >> toothbrush so little. he's all right. hard to live with. it's just he has two personalities. it's kind of tough living in this cell. there's three bunks. there's only two in here right now. when there's three people in here, it gets really crowded and when you have four personalities in here, it's not the easiest thing in the world to deal with. >> like you perfect. >> i'm not saying i'm perfect either, but other people feel the same way. >> that's crazy. >> but i don't mind him at all. he's probably one of the best cellies i've had since

yes, jimmy. kimmel: that is? okay.f course, as is always the case, there's a lot of hype leading up to oscar night. there's campaigning and predicting and speculating, filling time -- in creative ways like this, in tonight's edition of "how is this news?" woman: the numbers show men are more likely to wave their statues in the air. that's because girls don't have statues. we're shaped differently. there was a lot of red-carpet coverage. for the fifth consecutive year, ryan seacrest took home the award for best animated short. congratulations to him. the e! network started the red-carpet countdown at 10:30 a.m., seven full hours before the broadcast started. and this year they really kicked things up a notch. they called this the countdown to the red carpet. they had an animal trainer stop by to demonstrate how a tiger can do stunts like the ones in the movie "life of pi." the trainer's name was randy, which i think is a bad sign to start with. but as you'll see here, randy had the situation completely under control. ra