, here's jimmy kimmel!jimmy: thank you. thank you. hi, everyone. that's very nicece thank you, i appreciate. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. thank you for pretending you care about me so you can see lady gaga. lady gaga is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i don't want to spoil the surprise, but i took a peak backstage to see what she's lady gaga is wearing maybe the most shocking outfit yet. she's wearing a sensible pantsuit from talbots. [ laughter ] truthfully i don't know what she's going to wear, but i did notice all the post-it notes in my office are missing, so, who knows? this is lady gaga's second appearance on a show. the first time was her first appearance on a talk show back in 2008. at that time, she was known by her full name, lady gaganopolous. i was the one to suggest she shorten it, and she did. and also tonight, from "cowboys and aliensns the great harrison ford. [ applause ] and i think that -- i think with all the lady gaga stuff

>> we did it for the jimmy kimmels and all the hollywood's here. >> jimmy: great.e live at venice beach. talking to the beautiful beach bunnies. the bodacious beach bad guys. let's see what it's all l out. there's -- there's lots of ways to have fun in the sun. that's one of them. nobody ever said the beach was a bad place for the most wonderful romance. >> yes, it is. ♪ >> no, no. someone told me you were a wavetown rider? >> no, man. >> he has to be. ♪ >> yo, what's up? >> cruising by. getting faster along the sidelines. >> of course. >> comes with the territory. on the beach, might get a little sandy. how you doing? welcome to the muscle beach gym. some of the strongest and toughetough est come here to pump it up. it's a good place to getet exercise. when you're pumping that, do you say, i'm going to be one of the trainers out on the sand? >> no. that's not me. i do this for -- well, actually, i do it for health. where you from? >> nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from the styty profile. gushing like --ong coming. the first soso. ♪ send you to town >> ask you a c

kimmel!se ] >> jimmy: hi there. hi, everyone. well, thanks. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for watching at home. i know at this hour there are so many weird things you could be doing to yourself instead. please know it does not go unappreciated. the national weather service has issued heated ed advisories in states. so, if you get hot now, that's on you. you were warned. does anyone need to be told that it's hot? aren't the melted sneakers clue enough for us? texas has it especially bad right now. some parts of texas have had temperatures over 100 degrees for more than a month. it's so hot in texas right now -- >> how hot is it? >> jimmy: it's so hot in texas right now that the elderly are at an increased risk of heat related death. [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: not everything is a joke.. what's wrong with you people [ laughter ] the stock market plunged today. the d d lost 512 points, which is a lot. the biggest one-day drop since 200 and the ninth biggest drop ev

\e ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now check this out here's jimmy kimmel!plause ] ♪ >>>>immy: thank you. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i want to extend a special welcome to those of you who got your tickets on groupon. 20% off is not bad. this has been a rough week for the economy. as you probably know, our national credit rarang got downgraded on friday which caused a nose-dive on wall street yesterday. the dow had its sixth biggest point drop ever. let me tell you something, if i had any understanding of any of this, i'd be very nervous right now, i reaeay would. fortunately though i don't. today the market bounced back and gained 430 points. so i guess we're rich again? congratulations, everybody. [ applause ] we're number one again. speaker of the house john boehner andd minority leader nancy pelosi made an announcement that they're ending their page program. apparently it was teaching them bad habits. so they've got rid of them. the program -- this program has been around for 200 years.

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, moving right along, here's jimmy kimmelplause ] >> jimmy: very nice, thank you. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the program. thank you, cleto. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. welcome to the most romantic night of the year on abc. the season finale of "the bachelorette" and the night i finally make love to my guest chair. we've been flirting for years. tonight it's going to happen. after -- as you probably know, after extensive spit swapping with a pool of 25 men, ashley hebert chose the one she wants to spend the next 5 to 11 covers of "us weekly" tonight. it all came down to ben and j.p. they did things a little differently.y. last week, ashley announced she stopped using birth control. tonight they flew maury povich in. whoever made her pregnant was declared the winner. they did it the old-fashioned way. the winner or the guy she chose was j.p. i was hoping it would b b j.p. you know, j.p. is short for jimmy's pick. [ laughter ] it's not over yet. if the house and the senate fail to ratify as

. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with the samsung galaxy tab 10.1. it's loaded with features like a 10.1 inch hd touchscreen, high-quality speakers, and both front and rear-facing cameras. the powerful dual-core processor means faster browsing, smoother gaming and graphics and better overall performance -- video chatting is as smooth as can be. in fact, let's try it out now with our friends fred and kay in tennessee. thanks to the e msung galaxy tab, fred and kay are just a video-chat away. hello, fred and kay. >> hey there, how you doing? >> jimmy: how's your samsung galaxy tab working out? >> it's awesome, i love it. >> don't want to put it down. >> jimmy: i heard you written a song about it? >> absolutely, hot as a firecracker and hog wired. >> jimmy: all righty, here we go. ♪ the samsung galaxy tabb ♪ it's cutting edge ♪ you got to have ♪ the crystal clear picture is classy ♪ ♪ thin, trim, stylish and sassy ♪ ♪ if you've never tried it ♪ you ought to go buy it ♪ the samsung galaxy tab >> jimmy: wow, beautiful, thank you, fred and kay. >> dicky: t

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome. that's very nice.f the show. thank you for coming. thanks for -- i know i'm not a shark, but thanks for watching me this week anyway. i like to wish each of you a happy shark week. it's shark week on the discovery channel. why this isn't a national holiday, i don't know. why would you celebrate like arbor day and not shark week? i'll start caring about trees whenen trees start biting sea lions in half. [ laughter ] did you know that a great white shark loses up to 1,000 teeth in its lifetime, but they keep coming in. they're like the lil wayne's of the shark world. amazing. one thing i learned from shark week is, they say sharks are more afraid of us than we are of them which i find hard to believe. i don't think they have nightmares after seeing movies about us. oh, my god, i saw "mrs "mrs. doubtfire" last night. i almost crapped my ocean. that's how sharks talk to each other. this is a guy who isn't scared of sharks. his name is eric. he's from boston. well, here's iric. >> eric's home video looks li

kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming, thank you for watching, thank you for swatching, if people are still doing that, i don't know. i want to start tonight by wishing a happy birthday to our president, barack obama,a, who,s of midnight, turned 50 today. although republicans in congress are demanding that he cut his age back to 40, so, we'll see. the presidentt celebrated his birthday with a campaign fund-raiser in his hometown of chicago tonight. oprah jumped out of the cake and -- [ laughter ] then jumped back in. she loves cake. the tea party held a protest outside the party, which seems a little out of place. it's the guy's birthday. but they really don't like obama. everything he does makes them suspicious. in fact, we've invented a machine here, , it's a tea part machine. now, what happens is, we -- we'll take a newspaper article, like, a regular news headline and then we process it through the mac

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, i reckon, it's jimmy kimmel cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. well, thank you very much. welcome. howdy, i should say. i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. just for the record, i want everyone to know, i'm not a cowboy, i'm a cowman, okay? we have a theme tonight. it's like a regis and kelly halloween show. tonight, we pay tribute to the movie "cowboys and aliens." i have t tsay, already, i feel a lot more comfortable than i did during our last cowboy-themed show with jake gyllenhaal. i like being dressed like a cowboy. it almost makes me forget i watch "the bachelorette" every week and talk about it. i'm somewhere between john wayne and john tesh right now. the cletones have been transformed into an old west saloon band. our announcer dicky y dressed up like a doctor or something like that. even, believe it or not, guillermo is dressed up. i'm a cowboy and he is an alien. a legal alien, i might add. we have a special guest director tonight, the director of "cowboys and aliens

. >>> also, jimmy kimmel, more sad news. from the show, a big part of the show, he passed away at the age of 77. if you're a big jimmy kimmel fan, you've seen the uncle frank feature, so long, on the right. passed away at 77 years old. 20 years he spent as a cop in new york city police officer and became a staple on the show in 2003. our condolences to jimmy. he was really nice. cute old guy, great part of the show. >> his presence will be missed on the show for sure. >> he will. rest in peace. hó introducing crest 3d white enamel renewal toothpaste. it not only removes up to 90% of surface stains in just two weeks, it also strengthens and rebuilds your enamel. new crest 3d white enamel renewal toothpaste. life opens up when you do. >>> here are some stories to watch today on abc news. attorney general eric holder meets with relatives of 9/11 victims today. he is updating them on the federal investigation into phone-hacking allegations after the news corp. scandal in great britain. >>> controversial tv and radio personality

. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live." >> jimmy: it turns out that perry was at one timeemocrat, but just once in college, he was experimenting. >> dicky: joel mchale. >> i began

. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: been a turbulent few weeks for thetock market. it went down 500 and went up

. >>> up next on an all new jimmy kimmel looiv. >> the president's expected to get an earful from voters an ear -- that's like ten regular earfuls. >> betty white. >> next week, i'm t

. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- jamie foxx. >> jimmy: that's xaps when you wearah print sheet. >> you got it, baby. >> jimmy: obama continues his

more than any other player on the plane to see if you can see them on kimmel now he lined up alongside brazilian legend carlos and russia has. just brought in from chelsea to be more with kate in the business i should say the sport's ok. but in the sports update in about an hour from now in the meantime let's stay with the world of business with marina here she is next. hello and welcome to business here on c.n.n. will not talk about football but i will talk about something else and that is how rochelle wants to bring the normally hostile north and south korea's together in the name of business at their summit in siberia with the image of a defend kim jong il have agreed to look at building a gas pipeline across north korea to supply the republic in the cells but it's analysts warn that south korea will have a hard time coming to terms with being dependent on this northern talents of parts . i think there will be a large amount of skepticism to overcome in south korea about allowing themselves to become even partially dependent on supplies of gas that are quite across the northern neig

see for starting with just traumatizing for me feel sorry for course i do fear the media for jimmy kimmel to get the job done. and earlier russia and its first medals following a want to finish in the man's twenty kilometer walk. won the same event at the world finals in berlin lived up to his billing by taking yet another gold rush and completing the distance in one hour nineteen minutes and fifty six seconds stacey one seconds ahead of them patrick. lewis for now the law versus. the media at the start of it was very important for me to compete in the world championships but it was also a very tough and you want to first won the gold medal at the two thousand and eight olympics i was not very well known and not considered a favorite but now after winning the gold medal at the world championships in berlin i'm already under scrutiny and everybody wants to be so it was very tough for me. and elsewhere amputee athlete oscar pistorius has made a successful debut at the top level south africa nicknamed the blade runner progress and into the four hundred meters semi's with the time all forty f

his nephew, jimmy kimmel tweeted thanks to his followers. and paris hilton's ex-boyfriend pled contest to a dui dmarj las vegas. the result of a traffic stop last august. he was fined $585, given a 30 day suspended jail sentence and ordered to attend a victim impact panel and dui school. hollywood buzzing at red carpet blu ray release party for "scar face". >> i was just talking to ludicis how rappers talk about how why, what this film is, what it means. i think it's clear what this movie is about. and why it's endured. >> for more from the big event visit otrc.com. that is all from hollywood. >> pretty funny just hearing al pa chino say you know, i was just talking to ludicry. s. >> and alice waters showing her new project. >> and how drastic state education cuts are affecting student test results in california. there seems to be a disconnect. >> then at 5:00, el neeno taking the heat. new research linking the weather demon to government uprising. >>> the bay area chef is celebrating the 40th anniversary of her restaurant. alice waters was