oh, last night kimmel said this, jon stewart, conan, kimmel, kimmel. i'm like, hey.e scum like me. so my son comes to me and says, hey, dad, jimmy kimmel and howard stern have this new thing. they're geniuses. squatty potty. >> jimmy: oh. >> you know what squatty potty is? the little stool you put next to your toilet and puts you in a squatting position while you poop? i'm going, what are you talking about? my son goes, they're geniuses. they've changed the way you go to the bathroom. i'm like, this is classic. two rich white guys with their heads so far up their own asses that their contribution to society is how to help people poop better. jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's really important. >> so of course i'm completely dismissive. kimmel. so it's a true story. memorial day weekend. i'm driving. i drive everywhere, i didn't drive here, but i drive everywhere, so i'm driving from detroit to new york. i only drive pickup trucks and big-ass suvs. that's it, okay? which drives my daughter nuts. dad, the environment. you drive these big

michelle is on kimmel live.e is on kimmel live. >> have a great night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- first lady michelle obama -- topher grace, lily tomlin, and music from the struts, with cleto and the cletones. and now, more than ever, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

now on "jimmy kimmel live," miley cyrus. >> good night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, miley cyrus -- ali wentworth -- and music from andy grammer. with cleto and the cletones. and now, come a little bit closer, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming and joining us. very nice. i appreciate it. thanks for coming on a holiday. today for those who don't know, today is national dog day. dogs as you're probably aware were widely considered to be man's best friend, until 2007 when the iphone was invented to replace it. i'm always curious as to how a holiday like this one gets started. i'm pretty sure dogs didn't start it. i know for sure squirrels didn't start national dog day. i went on the national dog day website. there is one. it turns out it was started in 2004 by an animal advocate who also started national puppy day and national mutt day. which i guess this person really, really likes dogs. on the site they have a list of

michelle is on kimmel live. michelle is on kimmel live. >> have a great night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- first lady michelle obama -- topher grace, lily tomlin, and music from the struts, with cleto and the cletones. and now, more than ever, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. welcome to beautiful southern california. according to new reports from nasa of all places we're sinking into the ground here in southern washington. for real. we're sinking because there is excessive groundwater pumping going on as a result of the drought. the farmers have to find the water for the crops and the dirt now which makes the ground unstable in parts of southern california are starting to get swallowed up. which is probably for the best, let's be honest. there's a lot of crazy stuff going on here. we could use a good swallowing-up. did you hear about caitlyn jenne

and i said, i know this sounds weird but i'm a guest on "kimmel." see where it says "jimmy kimmel"? i have to go do hair and makeup. he said, insurance. i called your producer ken, who came running in sweating going, i've never done this for a crazy actress before, i don't know how to handle this. >> jimmy: usually we send a car, yeah. >> we called -- i called the police. the police said, what's your emergency? and i said, i've been in a fender-bender. is anyone dead? no. is there blood, are there bones -- is there a "law and order svu" situation? and i said no. and they said, we don't care. >> jimmy: they don't care. they figure we can work it out on our own. >> yeah. i said to the guy, i'll take care of everything. he said, i'm a camera operator. and i said, you know what? how about we call it a day. i get you a job on "kimmel." and he was like, you know, wow, high five. so his name is jacob and he starts on monday. >> jimmy: oh, great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know, sorry, i don't know who's going to have to go but jacob -- >> probably him. probably

hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, pierce brosnan, from "fear the walking dead," alycia debnam-carey. "this week in unnecessary censorship" and music from lamb of god. with cleto and the cletones. and now, prepare yourselves -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. now you're embarrassing me. thank you. i have a question. is anyone in here in our audience tonight going burning man this weekend? really? no? just screaming? yeah. do you know what burning man is? out in the admit of the nevada desert, thousands of people, last year they had 70,000 people, get together to form what they call a temporary metropolis dedicated did community, art, self-expression, and self-reliance. and it's also a great place to do peyote with a guy dressed like a reindeer. burning man is kind of like the new "mad max" movie but instead of charlize theron, people like this are there. all sorts of great people li

$1,000. >> we will pay jimmy kimmel $1,000. >> we will pay jimmy kimmel $1,000. >> jimmy: which he may collect in a lump sum. >> jimmy: or over the next 30 years in monthly installments of $2.77. >> or over the next 30 years in monthly installments of -- >> blah, blah, blah blah, blah, blah. >> jimmy: amen. >> amen. >> amen. >> jimmy: all right. you said it. it's legally binding. sean and kaitlyn. the two-night premiere of "bachelor in paradise," kicks off sunday, august 2nd. we'll be right back with music from juanes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank owen wilson, kaitlyn, sean b., and i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, his album "loco de amor - tour edition" here with the song "juntos" juanes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in foreign language ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in foreign language ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in foreign language ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in foreign language ] ♪ ♪ [ sing

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, owen wilson, "the bachelorette" kaitlyn and her fiance sean, and music from juanes. with cleto and the cletones. and now, sure enough, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. very nice. i'm jimmy, host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. a special welcome to those visiting us. it was hot today, huh? it was hot all weekend. pretty much everywhere. not just in hollywood, all over the united states. we are all -- we're nothing more than beer-battered fish sticks under a giant heat lamp at a sizzler buffet the size of the world. a tip i use to beat the heat. i keep my bra in the freezer. it was an especially hot and steamy night here on abc with the season finale of "the bachelorette." they promised once again that tonight's show would be one of the most dramatic finales ever. once again, it wasn't. [ laughter ] just one time i'd like to hear them say, tonight's finale might be ranked eighth or ninth. it's not super dra

and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmel!mel live [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.

on "jimmy kimmel live," john mcinrow. >> have a great evening. tomorrow. >> announcer: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight queen latifah. john mcenroe. and music from mumford and sons. with cleto and the cletones. and now, buckle in, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank

right now on "jimmy kimmel live," warriorst steph curry. >> announcer: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel! tonight johnny knoxville, from the golden state warriors, stephen curry, and music from kelly clarkson, with cleto and the cletones and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm th

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you.

>> jimmy: i'm go, "i'm not jimmy kimmel, i'm not jimmy kimmel, but close enough." you've got jimmy kimmel sleeping on the -- >> jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, i want to talk about -- this thursday, the big season finale of "lip sync battle." okay, this is you and terrence howard, your co-star -- >> yes. >> jimmy: battling it out. >> we are very competitive. >> jimmy: you really are. >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: and you really went for it, i gotta say. >> i did. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: because you went for it, it was unbelievable. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: can you say what songs you're doing, or no? >> i did "just fine" by mary j. blige, beca that's the female ant i also d because the fans, the crowd, they were like -- all right "hard out here for a a pimp!" "hustle and flow!" so you know, terrence and i had to oblige. [ laughter ] so we did that. fans were going crazy. and then i did madonna. "material girl." >> jimmy: mm-hmm. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. blonde wig and all. >> jimmy: the wig and everything. >> ye

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, seth macfarlane, brian grazer, and music from halsey. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone! i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. [cheers and applause] thanks for coming. i'm glad, i am in a particularly good mood myself tonight. i have a new toilet. i got one of those toilets that, when you walk into the bathroom, the seat does this, you know, it's the all hail the bathroom lord. have you seen these? you know you come home from work and your dog is so excited to see you? it's a very similar feeling you get from my toilet when you walk in in the middle of the night. and there's all sorts of buttons, a heater for the seat, a control for the water pressure. a button, you press a button on the thing and it will call you a uber. it will pull up right next to you. that's why i have a little -- [cheers and applause] we might have a new major candidate for president to work in the mix. a spokesman for the white ho

kimmel live"! tonight johnny knoxville, from the golden sta warriors, stephen curry, and music from kelly clarkson, with cleto and the cletones and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. it's very nice. i know a lot of you, i know most of you in our studio audience tonight are here on vacation, but for a lot of children, including students at public schools here in los angeles, the party known as summer is over today. the pencils are sharpened. the taters have been totted. do you know it's illegal to send your kids to school without posting a picture of your kid with a backpack? it's true. the cops will come to school and take then. school is like the pumpkin spice latte of institutions. but don't worry, kids. school will end eventually, and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die. [ applause ] nothing to be happy about, but i appreciate it. most kids don't have any

. >> dishing with jimmy kimmel and how steph curry's life has how steph curry's life has changed after winning the it's a good looking car. ? this is the model rear end event. the model year end sales event. it's year end! it's the rear end event. year end, rear end, check it out. talk about turbocharging my engine. you're gorgeous. what kind of car do you like? new, or many miles on it? get a $1000 volkswagen reward card on select 2015 passat models. or lease a 2015 passat limited edition for $189 a month after a $1000 bonus. >>> san rafael, south bay, pleasanton and all the bay area, this is abc7 news. >> flee men are missing after landslide struck a southeast alaska town with a state of emergency declared. all three victims are presumed dead because of the force of the slide. they believe the men were worker as a residential construction site. an effort to recover the bodies will be underway when it and safe for crews to dig through the debris. >> a one time subway pitch man, jared fogle, is expected to plead guilty to child porn grief charges. jared fogle will accept a deal in fede

now onjiy kimmel live," miley cyrus. >> good night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live, miley cyrus -- ali wentworth -- and music from andy grammer. with cleto and the cletones. and now, come a little bit closer, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy:

and now,here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you, everybody. welcome. very kind. and i know a lot of you are on vacation, the last thing you probably want to hear about is work, but this could be very important for your health. so it would pay dividends to listen up. there's a new study that says standing for long periods on the job could lead to long-term back pain and musculoskeletal disorders. we've heard how bad it is to sit all day, maybe the problem isn't sitting or standing, maybe the problem is work. [cheers and applause] this is why i have the perfect job. i stand for the monologue and sit for the guest interviews and most people can't do that. it's tough for the cashier at der wiener schnitzel. you know, donald trump was, there are 15 months to go on the election. donald trump has reach add saturation level that is nothing short of kardashianesque. in a radio interview, trump said if he was elected president he would love to have former alaskan governor sarah palin on his team. i would love that, too. i think it would be hilarious. i am pretty sure it's

leon: jimmy kimmel live is next. have a good night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, seth macfarlane, brian grazer, and music from halsey. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone!

and now, come a little bit closer, here's jimmy kimmel!ers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. thank you. hi,'m

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you.

and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmel!y kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for

kimmel live is next. have a good night. do you like the passaaadd? it's a good looking car.s is the model rear end eve. the model year end sales event. it's year end! it's the rear end event. year end, rear end, check it out. talk about turbocharging my engine. you're gorgeous. what kind of car do you like? new, or many miles on it? get a $1000 volkswagen reward rd on select 2015 passat models. or lease a 2015 passat limited edition for $189 a month ter a 000 nus. >> announcer: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight johnny knoxvill, from the golden state warriors, stephen curry, and music from kelly clarkson, with cleto and the cletones and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy,

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank topher grace, lily tom minute, thanks to first lady michelle obama, and apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him. we'll reschedule. "nightline" is next but first -- their ep is called "have you heard" - here with the song "could have been me" the struts. don't wanna live as an untold story rather go out in a blaze of glory i can't hear you i don't fear you i'll live now cause the bad die last dodging bullets with your broken past i can't hear you i don't fear you now wrapped in your regret what a waste of blood and sweatoh oh oh i wanna taste love and pain i wanna feel pride and shame i don't wanna take my time i don't wanna waste one line i wanna live better days never look back and say it could have been me it could have been me yeah don't wanna live as an unsung melody i'd rather listen to the silence telling me i can't hear you i won't fear you don't wanna wake up on a monday morning the thought

and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmel! kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is present by samsung. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel liveon bateman, nicole richie, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, this is the 30th anniversary edition of "legend, the best of bob marley and the wailers." here with the song "jamming," stephen marley! ♪ ♪ ♪ we're jammin' i wanna jam it with you we're jammin' jammin' and i hope you ♪ ♪ like jammin' too ain't no rules ain't no vow we can do it anyhow ♪ ♪ i and i will see you through 'cause every day we pay the price ♪ ♪ we are the living sacrifice jammin' till the jam is through ♪ ♪ we're jammin' to think that jammin' was a thing of the past ♪ ♪ we're jammin' and i hope this jam is gonna last no bullet can ♪ ♪ stop us now we neither beg nor we won't bow neither can be ♪ ♪ bought nor sold we all defend the right jah jah children must unite for life is worth ♪ ♪ much more than gold we're jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin' and we're jammin' ♪ ♪ in the name of the lord we're jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin' we're jammin' right ♪ ♪ straight from yard sing

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

jimmy kimmel live is next. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!ight, miley cyrus -- ali wentworth -- and music from andy grammer. with cleto and the cletones. and now, come a little bit closer, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you

jimmy kimmel is next. have a wonderful weekend. eye witness news >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- halle berry and josh groban with cleto and the cletones. and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmel! jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you all of you for coming. welcome. welcome to you. and i want to wish a very special welcome back to us. this is our first show back after a two-week break, hiatus in television, we don't take vacations we go on hiatuses. i have no idea. we do. i made it through a whole hiatus, took no selfies at all. not one of them. my camera, my camera phone -- doesn't even know i exist. i sneak up right behind it. i took pictures of my daughter jane. nigh nigh -- my daughter is 13 months old. we had a nine-hour flight with her yesterday. like having a piglet on the subway. and i, i knew this was a problem when i was getting dressed. i made the mistake of wearing a white long sleeve shirt on the plane

miley shocked kimmel. what about when she hosts this weekend's vmas? what could possibly go wrong? ♪ blurred lines >> and the situation comes up. who wants her replaced. >> and we're about to make "dancing with the stars" history. only we could tell you who's next to hit the floor. >> and taylor swift's epic duet you just have to see. >>> now "e.t." with the latest on today's top story. >> thank you so much for tuning in. >> big news to get to. tonight's story. new controversy today over coverage of the tv tragedy. >> "the daily news" and "the post" are facing public outrage today. >> the pages we blurred show freeze frames of the on air killing. celebs share their anger. have you taken leave of your senses and martha, how dare you. that could be your reporter and montell williams, i am boycotting "the daily news." "the daily news" quote conveyed the true scale of what happened in rono. inside the virginia newsroom, hugs and on air tribute. >> it was yesterday at this time we went live to alison parker and photojournalist adam. please join us now in a moment of silence. >> when you

jimmy kimmel threw the bachelor party.here was live entertainment for the couple who shows -- chose to do everything their way. >> not everybody is getting married at 22. and we are career women and you know, out there working. and at the time, they are changing. >> she is just a wonderful person. she's kind. she's lovely. she's -- >> talented. >> funny. >> some trends we can see that will make it into the main stream are definitely more casual backyard weddings. they have instead of lots and lots of ornate flowers they had greenery and candles. definitely making it feel a bit romantic and a bit more laid back. >> can't believe they managed to keep it a secret. >> amazing considering today's age in hollywood. >> >> it was different when she married brad. that was crazy. we're going to look at the differences between the two ceremonies coming up. >>> there was no love between republican candidates last night at the first debate. donald trump taking center stage as expected. our special political contributor, clay aiken, who

we'll see you tomorrow. >> announcer: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live"!nny knoxvill, from the golden state warriors, stephen curry, and music from kelly clarkson, with cleto and the cletones and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause]