>> trevor, i can answer that. >> trevor: jordan klepper, everybody!eers and applause ) >> yes, that is right. as you can see, i am reporting to you from the future! it's the year 2067, and i have to warn you about the frightening state of our government, it's in total collapse. >> trevor: jordan, you're in the future? i don't want to hear about the government. tell me cool future stuff, dude. >> okay, but quickly. we found life on mars but they're not really our type. no one wears socks anymore, turns out that was just a marketing scam. these days women actually prefer small penises. >> trevor: oh, no. >> oh, yes! it's a great time to be alive! ( laughter ) anyway, let me get back to our crumbling democracy. you know, in 2017, everyone assumed the gridlock couldn't get worse. well, they were wrong. both parties refused to compromise on anything and the legislative branch ceased to function. no bills passed, no money allocated and definitely no supreme court confirmations. >> trevor: i'm confused. what does congress do all day? >> mostly pudding wrestl

( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah!hank you so much, everyone, for tuning in. my guest tonight a wonderful actor and former "the daily show" correspondent aasif mandvi is here, everybody, joining us, here to talk about the new netflix series, "lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events." speaking of unfortunate events -- >> a recently deceased politician's final wishes were honored with a lavish funeral procession that included of all things pole dancers. 50 exotic dancers performed on top of multi-colored vehicles for the procession for tunk hsiang, a former city council speaker in taiwan. the politician described his wishes to family in the final days before he died. ( laughter ) >> trevor: just can you look at that? looks like the opening scene for the porn version of "la la land." ( laughter ) like, what is that? i will say this, you've got to give those pole bearers credit. it's not easy to twerk to amazing grace. this is a funeral. which is probably one of the names to have the strippers. up next, the amazing

( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah!nk you to you for tuning in! i could not be more ecstatic. my guest tonight from the new mini-series about nelson mandela, "madiba," lawrence fishburne is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) let's begin the show with news from across the pond. >> the british supreme court ruling that the u.k. cannot leave the european union without first getting a vote from parliament. >> this is a big deal. as most calls into question whether brexit will happen. >> if questions throws the united kingdom's exit from the e.u. into some chaos. >> trevor: hold up. there's a chance the u.k. may not have to leave the e.u.? no. i'm sorry. you do not get out of brexit. you do not, no. because brexit inspired everybody else to screw up their own countries! people running around burning down (bleep) chanting brexit brexit brexit! america elected mr. brexit! now you will try to breezle out of it? no! britain's, like, oh, we didn't realize we had a backdoor. no, redidn't realize -- america's like, you mean -

trump, he has beef with "snl." >> yeah. >> trevor: he watches your show. >> true. >> trevor: i can safelyvoids this show. he basically goes, like, see, no, no, and he goes to something -- but he watches "snl." >> that's true. >> trevor: and you're going to say some things about him when he's president. >> that's true. >> trevor: you're not even a little bit afraid? >> i like donald trump. i think he's a hilarious dude. ( laughter ) he doesn't want to be president. he wanted to win. he ran that campaign like i'm not going to let this nerd beat me. he just -- he didn't want to lose to nerd lady. that's it. that's it. he doesn't want to be president. you think he really wants to be president? do you think he wants to have dinner with mitt romney? ( laughter ) do you think he wants to sit across from people that he doesn't even know how to pronounce their country or name? he doesn't want to do that. that's why he's on tour. he goes on tour immediately. as soon as he won, he's, like, we should just go back on the campaign trail. that's stuff was fun. like that. >> trevor: that's funny. this gu

>> trevor: that is insane. the commander in chief gets his intelligence from the same place your racist grandpa does. (laughter) and don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong. i think it's pretty cool for bill o'reilly. he gets to be president for an hour every single night. poor megyn kelly, she left fox too soon, she could have been the first female president for an hour a night. which is the way i feel america needs to do it just one hour an night, female president president. so many things could going wro. what if melania is surfing channels one night and donald trump starts issuing executive orders based on watching tv. out of nowhere. america must win the storage cars. start enforcing the vander 3u6r7 rules and stop vielta davis-- viola davis from et going away with murder. our-- are being killed every day. if the carnage doesn't stop, i will send the feds in to southpark. will you respect my authority. (applause) a not a real thing. but let's talk about some of the things trump has actually taken action on

( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah!hank you so much, everybody, and thank you for tuning in. i couldn't be more excited. we have a great guest tonight. rapper big sean is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, you know how some people say america is a wealthy country? no. it's not. >> what you are about to see is not part of an action movie, it is a new way to fight fires. firefighters in dubai are using jet packs and jet skis to respond to waterside fires. jet skis help them to avoid traffic and water-if you would jet packs help responders hover near the scene and put the fires out. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's how you know the price of oil is going back up. that's just excessive. awesome, but not something you would expect a professional fire department would do. it's something a rich spoiled kid would think of. that's really something. that's basically what dubai is, when you think about it, the veefa of places. this is only a great idea if your fire is next to the water. that's the only time the

( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah!hank you for tuning in! we have two great guests tonight, a political reporter and co-creator of "embeds," scott conroy is joining us, and from the new movie "split" james mcavoy is in the studio! ( cheers and applause ) we have a fun show for you. let's get straight into it. so today is officially president obama's last day if office. ( audience reacts ) and i can tell you the marine helicopter that's going to carry him off tomorrow better have extra juice in it because people are not ready to let him go. we coming for you, barry! we have no idea what trump's inauguration will be like but we know he's personally been hard at work on it. >> yesterday trump tweeted a photo of himself quoting writing my inaugural address at the winter white house mar-a-lago. looking forward to friday. >> it's appears trump is writing the first page of his speech with a sharpie, what appears a brand-new legal pad. >> one user said that desk looks like the mar-a-lago receptionist desk rather than a persona

>> trevor: world star!ually feel bad for the press because, look, we all think we do a better job in a room than donald trump but it's harder than you think. it's also interesting that trump put it on the same day all his hearings are taking place because he knows you can't look at two things at the same time. but the press, so much pressure on their shoulders. and it's not like you can do any better. let's play a game. i'll play donald trump, and the studio audience, you guys, you can be the crooked media. ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: (mocking trump) okay, first of all, let me just say, everybody, welcome to my press conference. we're doing it now. press, any questions? ask them now. yes, ma'am. >> how can the american people be confident that you don't have any conflicts of interest if you won't release your tax returns? >> trump: okay, first of all, what's your name? >> julie. >> trump: stupid name, a stupid, corrupt, dishonest name, julie. diverse, diverse, if i could do it now. it's gone. i

i'm trevor noah.y guest tonight, "new york magazine" writer and author of the new book "audacity." jonathan chait is joining us, an amazing writer. but let's get straight into it. last night, the first and last first black president of the united states, said good-bye to 20,000 of his closest friends. and you could tell obama of really the president of the the millennials. because his entire speech seemed like one giant subtweet. >> democracy does roar a basic sense of... when we sit back and blame the leaders we elect, without examining our own role in electing them. it falls to each of us to be those anxious, jealous guardians of our democracy. if something needs fixing, then lace up your shoes and do some organizing. if you're tired of arguing with strangers on the internet, try talking with one of them in real life. ( laughter ). >> trevor: okay, this guy has clearly never been catfished before. look i don't say this often, but i do not agree with the president. do not meet people that you've argu

think he was going to win. >> trevor: ( laughter ) >> but i didn't want to put him in and -- >> trevore you afraid? >> no, i think he's afraid. people on the right talk about liberals being snowflakes, meaning they're overly sensitive and can't take a joke, but donald trump is the biggest snowflake in america. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: the biggest snowflake? >> yeah. except he's the colored snowflake you shouldn't eat. ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay, but i don't understand, trump's the mean guy. i don't think you can call trump a snowflake. >> yes, you can. dude, trump watches "saturday night live," a shown known for mocking the president, and is somehow hurt they mock him, too. so trump comedy writers would look at his wife, his spray tarntion tiny hands, his hooker p and be, like, we can't find a good comedy angle -- ( laughter ) week by week he watches "saturday night live," feel bad and tweets how bad it is, then watches it the next weekend and gets hurt all over again! ( applause ) you know what they say, fool me once, shame on you. fool me every week for a year straight, m

trevor. >> trevor: lewis black, everybody.lause ) (♪ ) i believe in me too. ♪ i am the unicorn of your confidence ♪ don't pay hundreds more for taxes and fees. introducing t-mobile one. now with taxes and fees included. 4 lines. 40 buck each. all unlimited. all in. switch your family today and get 600 bucks. learn more at a t-mobile store. then he tried tostitos michscoops and salsane. and started following them in real life. no! and kept following... ...everywhere. wow, okay. boundaries, michael... boundaries. hey, mike. 'sup? oh... tostitos. bring the party. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is co-founder and president of lyft. please w welcome john zimmer! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: congratulations on creating and disrupting business as we know it. >> thank you. >> trevor: how do you come up with lyft and what kind of creepy person thinks h i it woue cool for people to share cars and be strangers? >> my co-fo

( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah!hank you so much, everybody and thank you for tuning in. my guest tonight is president of planned parenthood, cecile richards is here, everybody, in the studio! ( cheers and applause ) but before we begin i have important late-breaking news to share. >> taco bell going nationwide with its newest creation a tocko shell made entirely out of fried chicken. the chain says the shell of the naked chicken chalupa is made of white seasoned chicken, the whole thing, inside lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese, avocado and ranch sauce. >> trevor: okay, america, what (bleep)? ( laughter ) first of all, why is that a news alert? it's, like, news alert! and then it's food? like they made it seem like the taco shot four people! ( laughter ) but i'm sorry, this is how you know america has got too much food. you guys are putting food in a container made out of food. even the chick-fil-a is like, yo, i wanted you to eat more chicken but not like this. not like this. ( laughter ) what's really unfair is wh

( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome. >> thank you. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor thank you for being here -- is it a momentous occasion? >> last day on earth. good to share it with you. >> trevor: let's jump into that. you've written a book that's inspirational we, are the change we seek, the speeches of barack obama. today was the complete opposite. >> it was the complete opposite. the line that stood out from donald trump's speech today was american carnage. so that is the line people are going to remember from this speech. >> trevor: what does that mean? >> it means he sees us as emerging from this hellscape that's crated by people like you and me and -- >> trevor: you, don't include me. maybe you, not me. >> mostly me. >> trevor: and he's seeking to? >> rescue us from it by himself. when barack obama said we are the change we seek, he's saying i am the change you seek. i am going to turn back this tide of immigrants and foreigners stealing our economy and our livelihoods from us, and i'm going to turn us back and bring us back to this industrial age he thinks

(cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everyone. thank you to you for tuning in. i am so excited, my guest tonight is a u.s. ambassador to the united nations, samantha power is joining us, everybody. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: samantha power in the house, well, powerful now until friday then it will be samantha out of power. but that's another thing. but let's begin tonight with a major protest if spain. >> during the unveiling of a donald trump statue at wexford museum in madrid a bare-breasted activist from the feminist group femen protest. the slogan in english suggested patriarchy should be grabbed by the again i tales. >> grab by the balls. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: there are times when i don't know if i'm happy or sad about a trump presidency. cuz this is one of those where you are like more protests but now they're topless? seems like a weird thing, you know. it's like a boob protest. and by the way, by the way, i just want to say kudos to whoever it was that made that statue. becau

trevor. >> trevor: lewis black, everybody.ck. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ kids, juicy fruitmmmm with longer-lasting flavor? mmm (zipping) (zipping) (rattling) longer-lasting juicy fruit. so sweet you can't help but chew and chew. oh, look! we've got fees ew, really? oh, it's our verizon bill look at them. line access fee, administrative fees, there are even taxes on top of them decent people shouldn't have to live like this (slaps "fee" off dad's head) did i get it? t-mobile ends surprise fees and taxes that's right, with t-mobile one, taxes and fees are now included 4 lines, 40 bucks each. all unlimited, all in. learn more at a t-mobile store. latches onto youry finger so hard, it's like she's saying i love you. that's why aveeno's oat formula is designed for your baby's sensitive skin. aveeno®. naturally beautiful babies. it's just a cough.our cough, sfx: woman coughing you'd see how often you cough all day. and so would everyone else. robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to 12 hours. r

>> trevor: it's a powerful book, and i hope to have you back again. >> thank you very much. >> trevorou. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: "letters to a young muslim" is available now. omar safe ghobash, everybody. we'll be right back. hi, i'm paul and i used to ask if you could hear me now with verizon. not anymore. i switched to sprint because their network reliability is now

i'm trevor noah.snbc, joy reid is joining us inthe studio! ( cheers and applause ) it's official, people. it's finally happened. it took eleven long weeks, but it's finally here. i punched my tenth subway sandwich card at subway. free sub for t, no tomorrow. ( laughter ) i'm just joking, there obviously won't be tomorrow because today this happened -- >> preserve, protect and defend. >> preserve, protect and defend. >> the constitution of the united states. >> the constitution of the united states. >> so help me god. >> so help me god. >> congratulations, mr. president. ♪ >> trevor: no matter how many times you watch that, i don't think you will ever get used to it. it's like seeing your dad's dick. ( laughter ) it's like, i knew it was going to be there, but it still upsets me. one of the main things donald trump has promised is that he will drain the swamp. he said he will drain the swamp that is washington. when you look at his inauguration crowd compared to president obama's, you can see trump kep

very much. >> trevor: this is great for me.assadors and diplomats, especially someone who is an ambassador to russia. >> an interesting place. >> trevor: i'm sure it is. i'm really sure it is. let's talk a little bit about that. you are the ambassador of the u.a.e. to russia at a time when russia seems to be, you know-- what's the way i can phrase it-- the (bleep) in the world is the best way i can put it. how do you liase between them and your country? >> causing a (bleep) in the world is one way of looking at it. i would say they're exerting influence in the region and it's extremely important for us to be able to speak to them to understand exactly what they're trying to do. and there are a couple of different versions of what they're trying to do. one of the versions is they're trying to impose their own imperial might through a great russian empire. the other one, which i'm more inclined to believe because-- because, you know, come coming from the region, is that they are trying to contain the problem of radical islam. and

>> trevor: i love it so much! applause ) at his inauguration, ghana's president of the united states stole parts of his speech from bill clinton and george w. bush. i like that he's like, no, no, i can see the similarities, i can put them together. he thought he could get away with plagiarizing. and an idea he stole from melania! he's stealing everything! i can't wait for ten years from now when african presidents are stealing speeches from donald trump. the "new york times" is doing another hit on me! sad, exclamation point! ( laughter ) you have to admit ghana's president is a genius for doing. this what are the repercussions? america will be like, hey, you stole from us! they will be, like, well, you stole us. let's call it even, huh? let's move to the top story, the golden globe's, which by the way is also what trump calls boobs, last night the hollywood foreign press association held its 74th annual awards show honoring the best in film and television. there is been a lot of focus on diversity in award shows,

trevor noah, welcome to hardtalk. thank you, zeinab.ou were born in 1984, six years before nelson mandela was released. your father is a white swiss man, your mother was black, a union punishable by five years in prison. how did it feel to be born a crime? well, the truth is for me it didn't feel any different to being born i guess any differently, because i was really lucky in that i was insulated as a child, so i grew up under apartheid but i was spared from a lot of the ills of apartheid. my parents were in a world where they were the ones who faced the ills, that's what i talk about in the book, i don't make it seem like it was my struggle, it's a struggle i didn't even know i was part of essentially and by the time i became aware of it i was lucky enough south africa abolished apartheid laws and then we very rapidly moved into democracy. you just publish your book called born a crime: stories from a south african childhood. you just said now that you were insulated from that but at the beginning your mother actually hid you from vi

trevor wilson. and now, more likely than not -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. it is my pleasure to welcome you. that's right. thank you. thank you for showing up here and not at my home, i appreciate that. hey, before we get going i need to thank somebody. i need to thank our guitar player, toshi, he's from japan, he went back home to japan over the holiday break, how was it? you saw the whole family? >> yeah. >> jimmy: he brought me back a gift. one year you brought me a kimono, which was nice, i wear it to the mailbox every morning. but this year toshi, who i know you didn't expect me to mention this, you brought me what this. >> shampoo. >> jimmy: shampoo. he brought me a bottle -- i guess this is special shampoo for people with thinning hair? >> well -- yes. i use it. >> jimmy: so toshi gave me the shampoo. then this was an extra thing, you stood in front of my de

trevor wilson!ou're left with...the good. in life. and in water. choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. choose the filtered life. kids, juicy fruitmmmm with longer-lasting flavor? mmm (zipping) (zipping) (rattling) longer-lasting juicy fruit. so sweet you can't help but chew and chew. new aveeno®... don't just eat yogurt... wear it. daily moisturizing body yogurt. enriched with the nutrients found in greek yogurt, intensely nourishes skin for 48 hours. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results®. when i was too busy with the kids to get a repair estimate. liberty did what? yeah, with liberty mutual all i needed to do to get an estimate was snap a photo of the damage and voila! voila! (sigh) i wish my insurance company had that... wait! hold it... hold it boys... there's supposed to be three of you... where's your brother? where's your brother? hey, where's charlie? charlie?! you can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you. liberty stands with you™ liberty mutual insurance proof of less

trevor: it did not.le is, there is no time so i think there would be lots of disorderly mess in the next couple of years. that is why i think the pound -- disorderliness. francine: getting bullish last week, the pound came within a point of the 20,000 level, but do milestones matter or are they a load of bull? ♪ bloomberg surveillance, i am francine lacqua in london. the dow jones is being very closely wanted to hurt as it flirts with record levels. 002 percent of0.0 the milestone. it really matter? we are back with trevor greetham. what dothe thing, psychological levels actually mean? does it change or investment strategy? trevor: no, it means almost nothing. i never look at the dow jones, i look at the s&p. there is kind of a psychological effect and all of the traders are flirting with who will be the first to push it to that level. in the 1990's, every time the dow went through a 1000 barrier the meeting stopped and there was polite applause but i do not believe it means much. francine: we are talkin

. >> he said if anything happened to beverly, trevor done it. >> who's trevor?>> trevor is a guy that aaron lived with for a short period of time. >> did this give you hope there was an accomplice here and mean he did have beverly? >> i had hope we were going to find beverly alive. you have to. that's what keeps you going. >> louis said the last time he saw beverly, he was with trevor and offered evidence she might still be alive. louis played a recording from his phone and it was chilling. >> carl, it's beverly. i just want to let you know i'm okay. i haven't been hurt. just do what he says and please don't call the police. if you call the police, it could be bad. i just want to let you know, i love you very. >> it was encouraging but it only proved beverly was alive at the time of the recording. the detective told louis he needed more. >> that's when he finally says i'll take you to the last place that she was. >> so this is a big moment now. >> yup. >> in this whole case. this is it. >> yup. that's when we load him up and he start going to cabot, arkansas. >>

that would have prevented trevor from being able to go any where. now you're looking at a brand new renovated home, new floors, ramps, spacious rooms, a wheelchair accessible shower, everything donated by the community, a process that's had its hardships. at one point, thieves took >> they didn't steal anything but copper pipes. they didn't get any of the energy or the love that's been put in this. >> people did a lot. >> in the mean time, family says trevor still has a long way to go in recovery. but he says it's a journey made better just by being at home for now. >> that was steven graves reporting. trevor has rehab sessions in atlanta and richmond coming up and his mom is hoping that her son will someday be up and walking in the next few years. >>> firefighters tried to save a factory from burning to the ground but the flames were moving too quickly. this warehouse was a carpet factory most recently until this fire it was home to artist lofts and other small businesses. fortunately no one was hurt. >>> new jersey doctors are pushing a new design

trevor: yes, they are.he japanese, the deflationary whatonment for 20 years, they are doing at the moment -- they are trying to create inflation through monetary weakness, and why wouldn't you try to do that? i think i have a sensitive mix of policies. the fed is more likely to be tightening than easing with underlying stock strength. francine: trevor handles all the assets at royal london asset management. up next, an investment in cereal. a brexit boost to britain. ♪ >> this is bloomberg surveillance. i am francine lacqua. let's get right to the bloomberg first word news. here is nejra cehic. >> six people have been killed and eight injured in a shooting at a comeback city mosque. two people have been arrested after what canada's prime minister called an act of terrorism. police don't believe there are -- there are other suspects. restoring order to global air transport following president trump's ban on 7% early muslim countries. permanent u.s. residents from nations covered by the executive order should

a stroke behind trevor fisherjunior and keith horn.e round of 70. that is all the sport for now. more in the next hour. as we‘ve been hearing, the former england football manager graham taylor has died from a suspected heart attack. he was 72. well, we can now speak tojim white, sports writer for the daily telegraph. he joins us live via webcam from his home in oxford. thank you you forjoining us, you knew him through his days of punditry. how good a club manager was he compared with england manager? he was an excellent club manager, he was an man as we have heard, of great enthusiasm, great spirit, and he developed an enormous loyalty from his group of players when he was able to work with them, for, on a daily basis, and he was superb when he first started at lincoln city, then at watford, aston villa. did really good job as a league manager, i think the problem was he may have been promoted above his level of competence when it came to taking over england. why is it such a different skill?|j to taking over england. why is it such a

uphold who to trevor-roper for f with $600 billion of national debt. for the first time since 1835. but with greater prosperityoose but if we choose what islammentf dealing with the retirement of the baby boomers.to and prosperity requires us to continue to lead in the world progress this remarkable moment in history the alliance is stronger than ever people look to america to be a force of peace and prosperity and freedom and security. for millions around the world for those who raise their families but the forces of integration also make us more subject to terrorism or organized crime the threat of deadly weapons and disease. trade has not close theme adapt from the globalc economy the global gapsurv requires action.e ig and the powder keg it could be ignited from the first inaugural address jefferson ward of untangling laneed of since but america must not disentangle itself from the of world. we want our shared values with the shared values solos with cosell low and bosnia.nd and then boldly and resolute.he glo into put a face on of a global economy. in all nations lifting lives

trevor wilson. and now, more likely than not -- here's jimmy kimmel!. i'm jimmy, i'm the hostleasure you. that's right. thank you. thanyo