dear darren, i'm sudanese.im i'm 16, but i have a receding hairline and a 5:00 shadow like hagrid. judges backed me. can i stay? i say, you sly little fox, you're a ban in britain now. we'll have a council funded xbox to your bedroom. no questions asked. and my next one. dear darren, i'm a rakib mum won't give me my id to prove my age. so you can't deport me. can i stay? well, of course you can, you silly little blighter. article three says no papers, no plane. you ain't going anywhere. stay. mum's the word. quite literally. dear [000:09:50;00] [000:09:52;00]

dear darren, i'm a zimbabwean lass.d for 20 years, may have faked an anti—government blog to stay, can i? and i replied, you cheeky genius. judges say zimbabwe won't buy your sob story, but stay none the less. taxpayers will absolutely love that kind of creative genius. we could do with more of it. my next one. dear known as scott, was last seen on the 10th of october in 2002 following a night out in north shields, north tyneside, where he'd moved to from scotland a few months earlier. a murder investigation was launched despite no body being found. northumbria police said it's now arrested two men in their 40s and 50, and a woman in her 40s on suspicion of murder. and those are the latest gb news headunes those are the latest gb news headlines for now. more news from me in an hour. for the very latest gb news up to news smartphone, sign up to news alerts by scanning the qr smartphone, sign up to news alertstor scanning the qr smartphone, sign up to news alertsto gbnews.com/yoursay. or go to gbnews.com/yoursay. >> james

and another one, dear darren. i'm a pakistani paedophile.y want to deport me, but my kids might miss me. what do i do? i say don't panic. just say separating families is cruel. after all, it's only british children at risk. dear darren, i failed asylum seven times. have you any tips? yes. my friend's become asylum seven times. have you any tips? be s. my friend's become asylum seven times. have you any tips?be gone.friend's become you, be gone. >> but these are extreme cases, i'm sorry, extreme cases. and actually the way they've been characterised. >> seven of them, in. >> seven of them, in. >> the way you're characterising them is in order to create panic and to overexaggerate actually what is going on. so let me. >> ask you a very straight question then. and that wasn't meant to be funny. the message. what would your message be to the families who live around the paedophile who was told that he could stay in britain because he has to take care of his children, not a safeguarding risk at all. what would your message be to the parents of ch

and another one, dear darren. i'm a pakistani paedophile. they want to deport me, but my kids might miss me. what do i do? i say don't miss me. what do i do? i say d0|safeifé§f , , miss me. what do i do? i say d0|safe from , , miss me. what do i do? i say d0|safe from the , , miss me. what do i do? i say d0|safe from the police's , be safe from the police's oppressive glare. and there you have it. that's my first week as an agony aunt for the echr. all of those, by the way, are real cases that have come out this week alone. you couldn't make it up, could you? but don't worry, britain, if you work hard, if you britain, if you work hard, if you pay britain, if you work hard, if you pay your taxes, if you follow the law, no one will give a toss about you anyway. kai, you must have been really supportive of all of my advice there. you must have thought, darren, i could not have possibly said that any better myself. >> look, look, darren, we obviously both agree that these cases are indefensible, but they are extreme cases. now, this is madness t