man to man, dude to dude, my bad.o comedy full time, which means i have to get, like, part-time jobs. and mainly at like fast food restaurants. and i hate working at fast food restaurants, 'cause i feel like a monster. right? i feel like i'm harming the american public, right? i have to lie every time i serve food. i have to tell people, "have a a nice day," knowing they're going to have explosive diarrhea immediately after. [ laughter ] it's the devil's work. and the only reason i can justify working at a fast food restaurant, it's the easiest job to get. it's so easy to get a fast food job, you could mess up your interview by being too professional. [ light laughter ] i learned that the hard way. i had a interview. and i handed the guy my resume. he got scared and jumped back, like, "whoa, hold on, man, what's that?" [ laughter ] i was like, "it's my resume." he was like, "oh, i thought you was serving me court papers, dog." [ laughter and applause ] i thought that was a subpoena. i'm kiry shabazz. y'all been great,

he's the little dude perfect fan who decided it's time to do my own trick shots. watch him show off his big skills, next. >>> and a brave dad to be be experiencing some labor pains. >> at first it looks like he's amused. >> see why his macho tune is about to change. >> argh! aloha. i can't stop eating this orange one. the red one is more gooder to me cos it tastes like berries. my bears are like doing cartwheels and back flips and stuff. and then i'm gonna fly it in to my mouth. [all laughing] kids and grown ups love it so ♪ ♪ the happy world of haribo ♪ now introducing haribo starmix. all your favorite gummies, in one bag. with every meal, there's a dish. but what happens to all that grease? it flows into your dishwasher, gumming up its performance. add finish dishwasher cleaner with your detergent to help dissolve this grease so you're ready for your next meal. new finish dishwasher cleaner clean dishwasher. clean dishes. only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. tylenol® ♪ ♪ get high speed inter

dude, they're just jealous. crunch... ...with crunchy clusters and the taste of... ...apples and strawberries. i got one! i guess we're having cereal for dinner. deliciously heart-healthy kellogg's raisin bran crunch. kohls lowest prices of the season no coupons needed kids tees - $6 stacking chairs - $24.99 and bath towels - only $2.99 plus get kohls cash and yes 2 you members earn double points its the lowest prices of the season at kohls an expectation to surpass. burden. but that's the point. ♪ bring us doubt, and we'll bring you the first car with true hands free driving for the freeway. bring us a challenge, and we'll reinvent what it means to own a car. ♪ bring us all your expectations, and we'll defy them. again, and again, and again. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our first guest is a a very talented actor and comedian with a brand-new standup comedy special called "kevin james: never don't give up," which is available now on netflix. please welcome kevin james! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> thank

you notice another vehicle comes in and the dude draws a gun on the driver. the driver is not having any of it. >> go go go. >> these dudes pull l up to carjack the couple. they couldn't get the car in reverse. that's why they came running back outside. the man that owes it hits it in reverse and goes plowing in and takes it off. he is not done yet but he is like. local residents rushed in to help until police got there. they hauled them haoff to jail. >>> the person in this next video has hauling to do or really just explaining. the person gets into the car and drives forward and >> at what point do you realize -- >> yeah. there's no indication what exactly was going on, just that they were trying to figure out parking. look at the damage they left behind. >> everything looks peaceful now but let's say a few nights ago not the same story. this is from a live stream put out by the nevada department of wildlife. they say these owls started nesti nesting on the second floor ocht desert research institute. the larger one had two eggs. she is about to arrive abdo

funny dudes.eers and applause ] his album, "the world is yours." guys, today is friday. and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. i check my inbox. i return some emails. and, of course, i send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] well, i'm running a bit behind today. so i thought, if you guys wouldn't mind, i just would like write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that cool with you guys? [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best. you guys are my best friends. hey james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] he's got kind of an attitude. >> steve: wow, yeah. it's that mauve jacket. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, mtv for rebooting "jersey shore." abc for rebooting "roseanne", and spring for rebooting winter. i mean, it's freezing. it's freezing outside. >> steve: snow tomorrow. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, take me out to the ball game for being a great song to sing when i'm already out to th

♪ >> oh, she's got a roommate. >> yes. >> there you go. ♪ >> a white dude?d, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ simon and garfunkel ] bees! bees! bees! bees! the volkswagen atlas. with easy-access 3rd row. life's as big as you make it. ♪ ♪ ♪ this puppy had nothing on the new glad forceflex plus advanced protection kitchen bag. it's glad's strongest, toughest, most leak resistant bag. be happy, it's glad. somebody burned down my she shed.. nobody burned down your she shed, cheryl. well my she shed's on fire. your she shed was struck by lightning. zachary, is my she shed covered by state farm? your she shed's covered, cheryl. you hear that victor? i'm getting a new she shi-er she shed. she shi-er? mhhm. that's wonderful news. go with the one that's here to help life go right. state farm. powerful skincare,s now light-as-air a breakthrough moisturizer whipped for instant absorption feel a light-as-air finish in a flash new olay whips ageless ♪ ♪ because... shopping should thrill you. why shop marshalls? with big brands at small prices... ...for the whole fami

don't smile, dude. [ laughter ] i can't -- i can't unsee this, dude. i can't -- tie it? in a thing? skills are horrible. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. alright. alright, cool. >> oh god. >> jimmy: i can't even tie a a knot. i'm freaking out right now. [ laughter ] [ yells ] okay. that's a knot. well, thanks for coming david. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's always good to see you and you're on tour starting may 6th in san diego. do you have something? the card trick. [ laughter ] yeah. the card trick. yeah. we should have done the card trick, absolutely. yeah. you're going to do that while i --. >> i'm still recording, right? i'm just -- yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: normal deck of cards. >> normal deck of cards. yes, yes, yes. [ laughter ] alright. i should check it. yes. normal. oh, pick one, pick one, pick one. [ laughter ] okay. picked one. show it to everyone, but not you. do you all see it? put it back in there? oh, no, over there. okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, not impressive. [ laughter ] but so he ripped the card. oh, i thought you were showing me how strong you are. yeah. >> okay

i'm like, "dude, it's 4:00 in the afternoon. it's a night scene.arly." and he's drinking coffee. [ laughter ] right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "i'm going to have three coffees and eight red bulls." >> yeah. >> jimmy: "and then i'm going to -- really fake hit him." >> yeah. and then -- [ laughter ] and so i go, "can you hold on one second?" click, click. i'm like, "dude, you're so screwed. [ laughter ] he's going to punch you in the face." and then -- and then -- and then i get a -- i get a -- you know, a text in the middle of the night, and it's jeff with a a band-aid on his nose with an ice pack. [ light laughter ] right? >> jimmy: no. >> yeah, he punched him in the nose. like, fractured his nose. >> jimmy: has he ever hit you? >> oh, yeah. oh, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. he -- well, we did this one scene, and i beat the crap out of him, basically. and then he's supposed to run and tackle me off-camera, right? just jump into an air bag. but he jumps, and he punches me in the face with double fists. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a double fist punch? >> like thi

dude, let me -- [ laughter ] finish my monologue.elping him. [ laughter ] >> look, jimmy, fine. i'll go, but -- ♪ you know where i'm always going to be. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right in here? >> you got it, buddy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the unique comedy stylings of j.d. hamm ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: he's unbelievable, man. oh, man. oh, i love him. john hamm, everybody. how great is john hamm. [ cheers and applause ] get this you guys. after a florida woman was caught with cocaine in her purse, she told police a gust of wind must have blown it in there. [ laughter ] the officer was furious, until a gust of wind blew a joint into his mouth and then he totally relaxed. he was like, "yo, all cool, man. [ applause ] all good." and finally, i saw that a bar in london now has a drink menu just for dogs. which explains why every dog there tells their owner "no, man you're my best friend." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause

. >> this is such a dude solution. >> the engineers said they did everything by the rules. >> of course they did. >> but it also caused a lot of damage to buildings and high-rises nearby. you heard the glass shatter. you hear screams. somehow, there were no serious injuries. you could see all these windows that were blown out. these people have been assured their windows will be repaired, but that wasn't the only thing that was affected by this blast. watch this. slow motion disaster. you hear all this twisting metal, and crunching but keep an eye open as to what's happening here. that giant boat is being pushed into all of those other boats. now er ththeir concern to get r the ice was a good one. the giant blocks can wipe out homes and building as they flow down the river. the way they went about it just, that didn't work. >>> if you happen to find yourselves in spain you may want to drop by the biopark valencia so you can catch a sight of that little thing, a drill. drill is a pri mate related to boo boones and among the most endangered primates. listed as the highest conservation pri

dude, i barely know you. crazy, isn't it?ocks, you're up there with the nerds. how about you march down from that box and bring me some finger snack foods? if they have wings, bring them. cottage cheese would be great. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! if you're a black person, you're probably buzzing from great news right now. first, kendrick lamar just won a pulitzer prize for music. yeah. ( cheers and applause ) the first time this award has gone to someone who was not in classical music or jazz. other great news, beyonce tore the roof off coachella, yeah. and i know you're saying but it's an outdoor festival. that's how bad it is, she brought in a roof so she could tear it off. this was the blackest performance at the whitest festival. and white people love that stuff because it makes them feel like they're down, you know, which is weird because it never goes the other way around. you could never have the oakridge boys show up at the club and then expect brothers walking out going, yo,

it's the cascade. >> telling you, man, this guy has a stacked deck in his life. >> dude!randma anne walks into the basement. >> to her amazement, there is a surprise down there. >> the story behind the precious gift that brings out squeals of delight. >>> time for the air bag powder paint experiment. >> watch them create a slo-mo mast masterpiece. here, try clearasil. pimples can form deep below the skin's surface. up to three weeks before they reach your face. clearasil! that's not the usual cleanser! why am i shrinking? clearasil cleansers go deeper than regular cleansers to treat pimples before they ever become a problem. clearasil treats pimples up to three weeks before they're visible. this is a payday bar. and there's only one thing you need to know about it. it has a truck load of peanuts surrounding sweet caramel. i mean holy... (drill sound) look at all those peanuts. best part is it helps you get through your day. payday. best part is it helps i'm your phone,istle text alert. stuck down here between your seat and your console, playing a little hide-n-seek. cold.

one dude. >> jimmy: yeah, one dude. that's my agent. my agent's here. >> steve: really?final clip and decide. ♪ chop the vegetables add them to the broth but slowly add the body ♪ ♪ i'm gonna buy some skittles skittles and then i'm ♪ ♪ going to mix them up with some ♪ ♪ >> steve: who is it? >> jimmy: wow. that's a good one right there. >> even i'm confused. >> jimmy: yeah, all right. who was it, was it me and higgins? [ cheers and applause ] or was it sting and shaggy? [ cheers and applause ] the closest one yet. the audience may be right, let's see. ♪ chop the vegetables add them to the broth but slowly add the body ♪ ♪ i'm gonna buy some skittles skittles and then i'm ♪ ♪ going to mix them up with some ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: we nearly tricked you guys! we love you. thank you for being here. sting and shaggy! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] their new album "44/876" is out now. we'll be right back with their performance from the real sting and shaggy. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ why shop marshalls? because... their prices will thrill you. whoo-hoo! the brands will surprise

. >> dude. >> dude, you shouldn't have done it. >> of course. >> that was a stupid thing to do. >> that thing busted. >> are you all right? >> they were afraid that giraffe may have been hurt and the woman too. they started honking so the game keepers could come check the giraffe out. they say it was fine. >> some times you don't need humans to give animals a hard time. animals do that to each other. this was back in i want you to pay attention to penguins over here on this miniature iceberg. watch what happens. this is the drama. nope. not on my ice. nope. we don't want nope. >> i think you need somebody that is more ufc. >> a right hook. >> yes. he did. >>> anybody thinking of taking up parachuting give me a couple of minutes. >> oh. >> that's fine. he's fine. >> don't get ahead of yourself. it's a four and a half minute video from the australian parachute federation. >> intentionally pushing the envelope, going for the extra shot of adrenaline. >> is there a crock in the water? >> no, but almost a crack in this guy's spine. >> oh. >> tumbling through the >> oh. >> they are like rag d

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dude, are you good at this?nd we will begin the game. >> here we go. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> can i grab this at the same time i press the button? >> jimmy: yep, you're going. >> oh, i'm going. [ beeping ] this is what people wear on their heads in texas. >> hats. cowboy hat. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: wait, that was great. all right, good. >> cheer! [ cheers ] >> chop, chop. >> rain drop. >> yeah! >> jimmy: yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, white girls wear this to look like black girls? >> bikini? [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: don't guess. don't guess. you're on my team. >> trump did this a lot. >> toner? >> like a -- [ indiscernible ] >> spray tan. >> there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: uh -- someone -- >> take your time. >> jimmy: you're gonna need one to watch the child when you -- >> babysitter. >> jimmy: yeah, that's right! [ cheers and applause ] >> it's a thing, when you pierce this. >> your tongue? tongue ring! >> yep. [ cheers and applause ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: zombie! >> if we got -- sle

friends. >> oh no. >> here comes this dude. >> no. his >> good thing he had the big puffy hair. >> that's not the same as a helmet. he wasn't wearing one. >> oh, man. >> what were you thinking was going to happen? that transition at that speed never going to work. >>> let's head over to portugal where this crew is as good as it gets. >> what is that thing? >> that's a jet ski and it's what they normally use to pull people out of the water. >> it's like pushing a whale or dolphin back into the water. >> yeah. you want water? you got water. the water has different intentions for them. >> they need to rescue the rescue jet ski. >> yeah. >>> it's time for the rtm you choose give awachy. you choose an amazon echo or google home. >>> you need to be 2 is years old and a states or canada. let's reveal friday friday's buzz word. it is infinity. >> enter friday's buzz word, infinity. good luck everybody. >>> i want today ask you if you would like to marry rob. >> sean mendez helps out with a romantic plan, why playing wing man is about to we ne

please, please, come on. [ laughter ] ♪ vibranium. [ laughter ] dude -- dude you know how many greats, give him the beat, or not. here we go. go for it, buddy. ♪ ♪ the roots are 1, 2, 3 'bout 10 total ay yo that kid at coachella that boy could yodel ♪ ♪ she clean her sneakers with a toothbrush don't ever be a -- uh no one is touchin' us ♪ ♪ you know we hustlers you better muscle up and get your numbers up and cut the truffle up ♪ ♪ throw it on the pizza warm and fuzzy snuffleupagus ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on, now. come on. all right. >> i'm going home. i'm going home. >> jimmy: yes -- >> pull up my car, i'm going home. >> jimmy: you're so lucky. we have time for one more. [ laughter ] you're up for one more? >> that was so good. hit me, hit me. >> jimmy: come on. >> snuffleupagus. ♪ "hammer." >> "burrito?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. all right, this is very -- all right, it's easy, easy, then very hard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> the burrito one is going to be difficult. [ laughter ] hit it! ♪ ♪ ay uh look you can't touch this word to mc hammer you know

and i was like, "who was that dude?"n't remember -- you know, he's brand new. he's like 13 or something. i don't know. [ light laughter ] i'm such an old man now. but he's one of the funniest dudes ever. julio torres is here tonight. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody's talking about the new movie "avengers: infinity war", which came out today. millions of people are expected to see it this weekend. you guys psyched for it? [ cheers and applause ] that means that it's time for "avengers: the slippery floor." that's where we send our writer, arthur, down to the 30 rock plaza to get peoples thoughts on the movie. and see whether or not they notice that he's mispronouncing "avengers: infinity war." check it out. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ avengers slippery floor ahh ♪ >> how excited are you to see "avengers: the slippery floor"? >> very excited. ready to see how the story goes and how it's gonna end. >> have you seen a lot of trailers for "avengers: i'm visibly sore"? >> yeah, i have -- [ light laugh

. >> dude. >> yeah, dude is right. dude, you shouldn't have done it. >> oh. >> yeah, of course.upid thing to do. >> oh, yeah. that thing busted. listen to this. >> are you all right? >> are you all right? >> are you sure? >> they were afraid that that giraffe may have been hurt and the woman, too. the woman was okay. they say they started honking so the game keepers could come ove. they say the giraffe was okay. >>> now, sometimes you don't need humans to give animals a hard time. animals do that to each other. check this out. this is back in december. shooting some video. but i want you to pay attention to some penguins right over here on this iceberg, this miniature iceberg. the penguin in the yellow circle. watch what happens. this is the drama. >> nope. not on my -- nope. huh-uh. >> kind of what morgan freeman should do a commentary to this. >> the penguin got shot. >> i think you need somebody who is more ufc. i want you to see it here in a close up. a right, a left and then a right hook. >> technically flipped him off. >> yes, yes he did. ♪ >>> grandma's getting on the esc

i go, "dude --" and i wake him up at 2:00 in the afternoon. >> seth: yeah. >> i go, "dude, turn on channelells is pitching right now. he's like, "wells? there's no way." i go, "i know." i go, "we left him. it was 5:30." i go, "i know, dude." and he turned it on, it was pitching. and that was the game he pitched the perfect game. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> that's insane! it's because of me, he was that calm! he owes me everything. >> seth: we -- this was -- horatio posted this online recently. this was a -- this is a famous "snl" party to this day. >> tablegate. >> seth: this is tablegate. this is me, you -- >> yeah, i look sober there. >> seth: horatio. this is mike shoemaker. [ laughter ] and this is -- this was a party that was the last thursday of the last episode of the season. and we went up into our -- and this is the writer's room. >> this is the 17th floor. >> seth: 17th floor at "snl." >> of the building. >> seth: and this is, like, when it's normal cause the table is fine. it's called tablegate -- >> for a reason. >> seth: we drank -- we started just t

good luck, dude. well, we did it. we have a baby girl. ryan olivia oliphant, rue, was born five weeks early at 4 pounds, 3 ounces. just a little tyke, but she's healthy. mother, baby doing healthy. now, it's time to finish up here and get donna and adele and the kids back in their house. [music playing] wow. the cabinet man must have delivered. look at this, yeah. i really like working with paul, because along with paul comes cabinet plant. and that truly is a one-stop shop. so are you thinking this countertop, this back splash. it that the idea? and it's not just the cabinets. he helped us pick out all of our appliances, our back splash, our countertops, even the floors. we have this beautiful caesar stone countertop, it's called rugged concrete. and we have some really nice cement tile from the cement tile shop that have a nice terrazzo finish. all right, lavette. i would like to take credit, but really, paul and his guys have been just killing it. he really made it all come together. and i think it was really important that even though

you put a dude in a hotel, in the first five minutes he's jacked off twice.ou put these guys in a space suit, the first minute, they're like, oh, oh... ( laughter ) ( applause ) honestly, i think n.a.s.a. needs to slow its role because i don't know if you've realized this, just consider how all this looks if you're an alien. first humans send up telescopes to creepily watch them from afar. then we sent up mixed tapes. then we sent up nudes. now we're sending sperm. at this point, feels like we're sexually harassing ail yenls. i wouldn't be surprised if the first contact was the aliens coming down saying, hey, take a hint, we're not interested, #mete to, msht glorbzarg. ( applause ) stop sending this stuff. oh, speaking of news that's out of this world came out last week trump's perchl lawyer michael cohen who is in deep federal investigation shit, only had three clients in the past year -- the president who cohen helped pay off a porn star he had an affair with, his second client elliott broidy who cohen helped pay off a playmate he had an affair with, and mi

i'm from boston, dude.s so strong. >> jimmy: margot robbie is shotgunning beers with your wife? >> she's did like, "i'm on number 13." [ laughter ] and it's like -- >> jimmy: 13. >> 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20-teen. she was blasted. and this beer is so strong, it could take off sharpie off a a marble table. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i know that stuff. >> i was just like [ can opening noise ] i got two sips, and i was like, "this really -- this isn't really something we should do, is it?" >> jimmy: yes. >> and my wife, kelly, got halfway through and she didn't throw up. she is like, "balls, i could do ten more." >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so margot robbie outdrank -- >> fantastic. >> jimmy: how fun? >> we're like, "oh my god." >> jimmy: you're going to do that when margot comes on next. >> oh, yeah, you should. and -- >> jimmy: what do you -- >> sorry, margot. >> jimmy: she's the best. >> super fun. she's great. >> jimmy: what do you do -- this is a movie where you didn't write this. you're not di

>> this dude might need it. >> he's not sleepy. he has been out partying. >> the taxi driver picked this dude up. when they got to his stop he could p pt wake >> he's not goicng to walk out. >> you have to get the guy out of the car. you can't just dump him dump hi >> he full-timeinally called po. >> the police arrived and could pt get him to wake up. the taxi drive ser looking back at the camera like really, man? >> you start thinking should i call an ambulance and not the cops? >> reports are once they gotncee out of the car he went back to sleep. it has been viewed hundredsov o thousands of times. reports are to keep from paying -- >> that's what people online think. >> plausible i >>> off the coast of key there's something by the boat. >> she says it's a great white shark about half the size of the boat. it swims under the boat. this is low level water. you don't normally have a great white do this to the boat. >> he is >> please don't hurt us. >> her husband was trying to rope it like a dog. she departmeidn't know what he to g

be cool, dude. >> erik olson did not die.turned to the jail and is currently housed in a single-person cell in the medical unit. >> i'm pretty sure what knocked me out was being punched and i hit the floor on the back of my head and i have a pretty large knot. i have a bruise up here. and i have bumps all over the back of my head, although you can't see them. and i'm pretty sure i got punched a few times in the mouth. so i can't actually open my jaw, you know, wide enough to actually get a large amount of food in my mouth. i also have bruises everywhere just from being hit in the face, as well as being hit on the ground. >> olson was only at the jail less than 24 hours before the attack. he had been out on bond before he was convicted and sentenced to five years for rape by instrumentation and was awaiting transfer to prison. nava and gonzalez say they attacked him because he raped a 12-year-old girl. but that was a false jailhouse rumor. >> rape by instrumentation basically means that you had some kind of penetration. >> and

dude, dude, not so much, slow down." and you're like, fine, you hold the canister." and he takes it and he's like, "wet t-shirt contest! woooo! woooo! aaaah! ooooo! aaahhh!" ( applause ) it's like, "all right, now that the water is done, i'm retiring from the desert. good-bye, good-bye, everybody." yeah, but i mean, look, come on, come on. let's not be haters. what's a few trillion dollars between friends, right? just because paul ryan turned out to be a complete fraud, doesn't mean we can't give him the send-off that he deserves. paul ryan is leaving us, folks, so let's porout a 40. 40 grams of protein, of course. yeah. just for hirnl the way he would like it. ( cheers and applause ) this is for you, paul. oh, and-- and, don't worry, just-- just like paul ryan's deficit, someone else is going to have to clean thup. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) experts will tell you a golden lager like budweiser is one of the most difficult styles of beer to brew. that's why we rely on generations of award winning brewmasters to brew ours. ♪ this was the diet pepsi th

i'm lucky that i'm a white dude who lives in the united states, of relative affluence, who didn't have to think about death until most white dudes have their midlife crisis, into their '40s, you know what i mean? - and by the way, that is also something that you acknowledge pretty directly in this book, that you have it extremely good, you're a lucky person, you're a fortunate person. - that's right, i bill it as the white privilege mortality comedy of john hodgman. again, truth in advertising. i have a lot of privilege. i check my privilege, i make an effort to check my privilege every day. - but you're self-aware enough about it to say, for instance, in this book, the reality is that i have some economic security which makes everything a lot easier, that most people don't necessarily enjoy, and i should consider myself blessed, whatever it is that i might deal with in the course of the day. - don't put your stuff on me. i've worked for every goddamn penny. no, absolutely. it's true. - but i thought that was a pretty nicely said thing - well you know, for a book that grew out of a com

. >> this dude come alongside. he is like what happened here?he has to be rescued? >> yeah. it's a big hit. >> dude. >> yhe had to see what's going on. people were already there. they get down and eventually put thim on this back brace and manage to pull him back up to the road from wra he fell. >> it looks like he used his foot and slipped and lost his grip. >> hopefully they have lerped t -- learned the lesson. >> this is no fire drill. this is just straight up a bit of a fire. >> up in the back. >> oh, my gosh. >> that's more. >> wait a minute. >> those look like fireworks. it has been reported that one of the people ip side that car was smoking and add ver at the present timely set off the rest of them. this is where we have this video. >> that's ironic. >> no one was too badly damaged. hopefully they enjoy the show. >>> the next time you tell a kid not to play with his or her food you might want to take that into consideration. is that an apple? >> yes. it is an apple. he turns it into a basket. he pulls it apart and it the still connected.

if we send a mystery shopper and, a white dude dressed however and we send a black dude just exactlyow the white dude is, and we find that you denied one guy the bathroom key or you gave one guy a free mocha latte or whatever they are called, and you didn't give it to the other guy, if you are in violation of starbucks policies, we will fix that. shutting the stores down is going to get to starbucks a lot of business. while mike, aren't they great, they are trying to do something for american equality and race relations -- >> laura: i'm not willing to throw people under the bus for somebody that we don't know the full context of. remember the michael brown stuff in ferguson. we had the whole city -- not the whole city -- but blocks burned down. african-american business owners at their stores destroyed. then we find out, wait a second, this isn't exactly how it was described. it wasn't hands up don't shoot. it was a horrible, tragic, sad situation come up with a cop ended up being cleared. people jump to conclusions, and are jumping to conclusions without knowing the context, they st

>> okay. >> a little aggressive, dude. >> a little aggressive? >> so nobody is saying anything.er and keeps pouring her drinks. >> they're going along with it. >> i'll be right back. >> our actress playing the victim heads off to the bathroom and our actor makes it clear he thinks he can take advantage of her. >> yo, this is totally my chance right now. she's drunk, alone in the bathroom. i could totally get some right now, swear to god. >> that's when sumer decides to say something. it's a zinger. >> i highly doubt it. if she was smart, she would say no. >> oh, pardon me. >> sumer looks uncomfortable and walks away. then she hears our actor say he's going to try anyway. i'm going to go for it. >> will she do anything about? >> i'm not going to let you do that. >> i'm just checking on her. >> i will check on her. >> girl code. >> uh-huh. >> looking out for the other girl. >> she pushes past hurricane him and blocks the door. >> she's fine. >> she's fine. all right. >> wow. >> i'll just stay here to make sure she's okay. >> okay. >> max, as his mother predicted has been quietly t

no, maybe it's just a chill dude in a hawaiian shirt.laughter ] either way, i trust this dude. i trust his advice. the next one is a nature book. >> steve: ooh, love nature. >> jimmy: yeah. it's called "camels and pigs, what they have in common." [ laughter ] i'm so glad someone wrote this book, because i can't tell you how many times i've been standing out on the veranda gazing out into the distance wondering, what do camels and pigs have in common? [ light laughter ] what's that honey? oh, that's right. she left years ago. [ laughter ] you can put this in the no one cares section at barnes & noble. yeah. next up is a textbook here. this is called -- >> steve: oh my gosh. >> jimmy: steam, it's generation and use. [ light laughter ] i mean, now we're talking. look at this. >> steve: that's up my alley. i mean, look at this, this is edition 41. [ laughter ] people were so into reading about steam they updated this over 40 times. [ light laughter ] look at this. it's like 500 guilded pages. >> steve: it's guilded? that must be special. >>

i really love this dude. and, he's a chef.to be your wife. >> you feel different? >> yeah. i do feel different. i feel -- i'm done. i don't have to zip my knee boots up and leave some dude's place at 4:00 a.m. with a rot wiler. >> for all of us single girls. it's hard still believing. >> i know. i was just there. i can't be like, look. let me tell you what it's like. i mean, i was just there. and -- i just knew i didn't want to settle. and then, i met the person i wanted to partner up with. and -- and i -- i didn't know right away. i knew him for seven months before we -- before it became romantic. but, um, but once i knew, i knew quick. >> are you good? do you want to expand your family? >> think when we're ready, we would be really lucky to have a family. >> this is what it looks like to be living your best life. the glowing newly wed, champion for women to love the skin they're in tells us she couldn't be prouder of her new comedy, "i feel pretty." >> oh, my god. you see this. >> yes. >> i'm beautiful! it was so empowering

. >> dude, what are you doing?d captioning provided by -- taco taco are you one of the millions of americans living with a taco obsession? my $3 taco deal with three of the tacos you love and a refreshing drink can help. try my $3 taco deal today. clear! taco! taco! new at jack in the box. ♪ lysol max cover kills 99.9% of bacteria, even on soft surfaces. one more way you've got what it takes to protect. two kids barfed in class today. it was so gross. lysol disinfectant spray kills 99.9% of bacteria, even those that cause stomach bugs. one more way you've got what it takes to protect. has your love for tacos turned into an obsession?. my $3 taco deal with three of the tacos you love and a refreshing drink can help. try my $3 taco deal today. new at jack in the box. there ya' go. ♪ it makes me that much wiser thanks for making me a fighter ♪ >>> so good. christina aguilera making her "carpool karaoke" debut tonight for corden's primetime special. nischelle turner joins us from new york. that is not the only musical

dude, what the [ bleep ] you all doing this for, man? why did you do that? >> get up. >> why did you do this? >> here we go. >> ply glasses, can i get my glasses. >> i didn't do nothing, man. >> stop playing with my, hill. >> hill continues to struggle as deputy witson returns him to his cell. >> you know problems, you shocked me with that [ bleep ] taser. >> you are refusing to do what you're supposed to do. >> i have my back to you! >> refusing. >> liar. >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> out of here. >> stop playing with me, hill. >> following protocol, officer persly steps in to take control of the inmate. >> you just hurt me. you had no right to do that, man. >> which cell's yours? >> d cell, over there, man. >> that's your way of talking, hill. >> no, look how you're treating me. [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. man. >> with hill safely back in his cell, deputy witson breaks down the incident and the actions that followed. >> get a call to go to j-2 for two inmates refusing to cuff up. hill decided to slam me with his arm which i saw active sign of aggression. i took ou

. >> dude, what are you doing?d captioning provided by -- ♪ it makes me that much wiser thanks for making me a fighter ♪ >>> so good. christina aguilera making her "carpool karaoke" debut tonight for corden's primetime special. nischelle turner joins us from new york. that is not the only musical moment that james is rolling out, right? >> i wanted to hear more of that. that was great, nancy. >> me too! >> listen, i was exclusively on set for the making of his star-studded and sometimes dangerous "crosswalk, the musical." >> everyone say crosswalk. >> crosswalk. >> sound of music. >> sound of music. >> every time we do it, i'm like, this is the stupidest thing. last time i saw allison janney, she was holding an oscar in her hands and now she's singing "the hills are alive" with the sound of music. ♪ the hills are alive >> a lot more work than i thought it would be. >> the streets are alive with the sound of corden's crosswalk musical. that's anna faris dressed like a milk made. james is one of her cows. it took thr

this is all just a compilation of one week of what happens when this dude goes to sleep., says some strange things. in some cases it sounds like he's just having a conversation with someone who is not there. maybe he's talking to that picture of himself on the wall. >> is a tree there? >> credit to his woman. can you imagine being in that position? seems hamrmless, butily' go to the other people and lock it. >> a lot of people are suggesting does this woman ever get any sleep. he wakes up in peculiar ways. >> oh no, no, no, no, no! >> oh. >> imagine being deep in sleep and that starts just erupting next to you. >> it's like crying wolf every night. you never know, is there something actually happening in the house. >> whoa, whoa. >> maybe she just figured out how to tune him out. >> oh, just like, just like you were. just like -- >> oh my gosh. >> she's awake here, listen. >> what's that? >> kind of snaps him out of it, then lays face down on the bed and apparently stays there for another hour. >> poor guy. he probably wakes up exhausted. >> i was wondering the same thing

. >> dude. >> yeah, dude is right.could come overave >> areu av need humans to give animals a hard time. animals do that to each other. check this out. this is back in december. shooting some video. but i want you to pay attention to some penguins right over here on this iceberg, this miniature iceberg. the penguin in the yellow circle. watch what happens. this is the drama. >> nope. not on my -- nope. huh-uh. >> kind of what morgan freeman should do a commentary to this. >> the penguin got shot. >> i think you need somebody who is more ufc. i want you to see it here in a close up. a right, a left and then a right hook. >> technically flipped him off. >> yes, yes he did. ♪ >>> grandma's getting on the escalator. >> but there's a slight problem. >> why two wrongs still can't get it right. >> come on. >> what! >> come on. >> what! >>> and why this headphonewist d for over ten years. the it's the #1 prescribed biologic by dermatologists. more than 250,000 patients have chosen humira to fight their psoriasis. and they're n

these dudes were calling the cops because a group of black women were playing golf too slow?lack people can't win. if you advance you're a threat, run away you're suspicious, and if you take your time, that's what golf is for! the manager says, unacceptable! i demand to see someone who might shoot you, come on! in this case, the police handled it correctly. no arrests. i think the police showed up because they didn't believe five black women played golf. marty, bring the camera! this is insane! i'm glad nothing happened to the women but i would like to hear the sportscast for that. the announcer is -- (softly) okay, they're teeing up, a race war is breaking out on the fourth hole. the douche bags never have seen a black person before. cops are showing up. very nice, very nice. someone we wish would get kicked off the golf course, president trump. force once he's in the white house and doing french kissing. >> all highs on the high-stakes meetings between the french and american presidents. >> french president emmanuel macron arrived in america for the first visit with mr. tru

juvenile detention facility but you're right when it comes to love triangles like this, go after the dude, or his stuff. like the woman in this video, who decided the best thing to do in a situation like this was crush her husband's windshield. >> the car didn't do anything. the car's innocent. unless it happened inside the car. >> but it's going to hurt him in the pocketbook. >> her whole argument is being drowned out by the car alarm. >> what? can't hear you. what? >> at one point she's done her damage. she turns around, picks up her purse, and just walks away. >> now he'll know how her broken heart feels every time he drives. >>> where you live in the world has a direct correlation on your level of fear of animals that could come at you. >> australia. >> yes. or russia. these two guys cowering behind what looks like a storage trailer of some kind and a large polar bear just checking the place out. >> is it just looking to are diet coke? >> that would be cute but no, they think food they're using to feed other animals on this property has attracted the bear into this area, but here's wh

a watchful protector. >> it's generated here. >> that dude is pretty big.ve been waiting far good reason to knock somebody out. >> nobody wants to goat in te middle of these two guys. >> yes. >> his punches are like going around the moon. >> yes. looks like he takes the guy down the floor. that's just about where this video ends. there were lots of >>> it's college admissions time. let's check in. >> i'm on any way to boston. i just got on e-mail from admissions. >> he is checking out to see if he got into medical school. >> i'm not getting my hopes >> okay. this is where he will start opening the e-mail. you don't see what's going on on his face until then. >> i got in. i got in. >> the emot >> oh, he's emotional. >>> let's check in dakota. she is opening them at the at te time. >> those were her four safeties. let's go onto yale. >> a no i didn't get into columbia. >> i feel like she should have done it in reverse. >> oh, i got into berkeley. >> that's the one that really could wants. goods luck to you. >> these say animated >>> it's become apparent to me

keep mom said rob a side door and this dude shooting into the car so i started because of a page and i didn't know what he was doing i just as i looked down and. i was like man. how likely is it because the two co-defendants who a lot of time they said that clinton was sitting here pulled his gun from his waistband and shot him twice in the head how how likely is that is it possible not just. show me how to get help there's no murder here if you shot from right here there's no way why would you hit me if i do this probably won't even hate you because you probably mission because you're not a human on this distance you can still miss yes if you just did like this you could miss this person. trying to shoot the hid the body you can hit the head it's harder to hit because it's moving right but if if he was yes if he got shot in the head twice and kind of closed the bullet holes were kind of close there's no way he could have just pulled it out in shot like that because that's what they said they pull it out of his waistband kept it there and shot him from that point. on the side of the

on facebook i'm not a 5'7 asian dude, i'm 6'5 and half black! >> trevor: why only half black?ill want to be able to book airbnbs. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's fair enough. but then aren't people weirded out when they meet you in real life? >> no, i never meet no psychos on the internet. they're never who they say they are. >> trevor: i guess that makes sense. ronny chieng, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) captivating exteriors dynamic lighting elevated comfort powerfully efficient and one more thing the world comes with it ♪you can go your own way... the 2019 jeep cherokee eis one of the most difficultn styles of beer to brew. that's why we rely on generations of award winning brewmasters to brew ours. ♪ and you, watchingots, bad this commercial! the biggest week in tv is back: xfinity watchathon week. so tap out of your daily life and get to your living room, castle or cave to enjoy free access to tv's hottest shows from netflix, hbo, showtime, starz and more. we're gonna give 'em a show. i mean who doesn't want to wear sweats and eat take-out for 7 da

he was the only black dude in town. they could have just used his name.y, keith! get your shit and get out of down, bro! that's all they had to say. >> trevor: this seems open and shut. no one can say this isn't racist. >> that's exactly what they will say. >> mayor casey burnet said he was one of the first people to see the graffiti but doesn't consider it to be a hate crime. >> it did have a little bit of a racial slur to it but it's not -- you know, we're not a racial community at all. >> just a little bit of a racial schur, just a little bit! there are only two words and the other was kill! a little racial slur, sounds like a recipe for oppression casserole. just a little cayenne, and, oooh, you gotta run! that's good casserole right there! ( laughter ) i think i understand what kanye was trying to gee but i don't agree. just because i'm calling out racism doesn't mean i'm trying to be a victim. if i see you being racist, i'll call you out on your shit and carry on with my day. speaking of which, i have been these clothes more than three minutes, i ne

dude, it was a riot! [laughs] - that's not what i said. - [laughs] yeah, well, i'm just glad that stupid tsa crap is over with. i know you've had a tough week, clyde, but at least your mom didn't die for nothing. i mean, we're kind of right back to the bathroom being the last bastion of american freedom, so technically, your mom did die for nothing, but...clyde? clyde? clyde, you there? hello? [toilet flushes] [seat clatters] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much! thank you so much. welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. take a seat, people. welcome to it. our guest tonight, our guest tonight, our guest tonight is the author of the new book "she persisted around the world." chelsea clinton is joining us. ( cheers and applause ) but first up, if you are a racist barista at starbucks, goes news-- you've got about a month left to wild out. >> starbuck