i'll try to do better too, daddy. archie: oh, you got to tell lies a whole lot better than that, meathead, if you expect anybody to believe you. now, i'll tell youse all the way it was with me tonight. feeling good, happy as a clam, expecting to spend a nice, quiet evening in the bosom of my family. good evening, everybody. hello, michael. hello, gloria. both: hello. oh, kissing again, huh? that's nice. i believe young people should kiss every chance they get. where's your mother? edith, dear. oh, edith, dear. edith: yeah, what is it? may i know what we're having for supper tonight? nothing! oh, did she say nothing? the refrigerator's broken. oh, the refrigerator's broken. ain't that a shame? out of that old box. hey! hey! what kind of a dirty crack is that? what did i say, michael? you insulted my husband! well, i hope not. you're saying i'm the one that broke the refrigerator! well, i'm not the only one that uses it, you know! i'm not the only one who eats around here, you know! you eat 10 times as much as i do, so

sweet daddy? sweet daddy, your lunch. sweet daddy: i'm coming. i'm coming. yeah, that's right, claude. you heard me. listen, i don't care what that sucker says. you tell him that sweet daddy's said unless he pay me my money by tonight, i'm gonna repossess all 10 of his fingers. [ horn honks ] great googily moogily. what have we got here? i'm the new day nurse. yeah, well, you wouldn't be wasted at night, either, baby. oh, doggone, you see there. now i got to wait until tomorrow to find out the results of john's vasectomy. don't get so excited. why don't you just calm down now and get out of that souped-up skateboard and get in the bed? what? [ imitates engine revving, squealing tires ] say, baby, was that an order or an invitation? honey, in your condition, it's just a beautiful dream. hmmmm. if you want anything, just buzz. buzz! yeah, brother, i know just what you mean, j.j., 'cause if i got to go, i'm taking her with me! [ laughs ] j.j.: hey, sweets. that's a nice set of wheels you got here. come on, j.j., don't be joking like that, man. you're in the pre

say "daddy." it's daddy, honey. look. daddy. say "daddy." oh, come on, darling. - say, "hi, da-da." - da-da. [making funny sounds] - talk to daddy. - yeah. only little "daddy" for uncle quinton. - coochie coochie. that always used to get me. [all making baby sounds] - da-da! - all right. come on. come on. say "daddy." please say "daddy." - shh. - i didn't say anything, sir. shh! - oh, it is bad! condition red! it's binghamton! i go! - oh, what a time for him to show up! - if he finds out we didn't turn that radio in, we're dead. - now christy will never talk to his kid. - come on. please, honey. just one little "daddy." - come on, christy. hurry up. sign off. we've got to dump this radio. [crying] - come on, boys. we'll see if we can head off binghamton. somebody get that curtain. hurry up. come on. let's go. da-da. da-da. - it was not. it came from over there. - well, i can throw my voice. oh, but you probably don't believe me, just because i lost my dummy. if i had my--watch. say hello, captain. how are you? hey, xxx. what do you say? [ind

linked in is a sugar daddy gold mine.s-sized woman, and i don't see a lot of plus-sized sugar babies in the bowl. >> you are worthy of having someone to provide you with what you want, and i will help you construct a great profile, okay? >> yay. i want to meet these guys. >> they're wanting sex? >> yes. >> you can actually set expectations and let them know that, look, we're just going to meet. there's nothing going to happen. if he doesn't return your call, you know what he's after. >> taylor speaks from experience. >> put your best swing on it. >> as a seasoned sugar baby, she's navigated the delicate terrain of sex and money before. but as it turns out, taylor and rich claim that when they met they were both seeking a strictly platonic bond. >> so you two have never had a sexual relationship? >> no. >> no. >> have you both had other romantic relationships while you've been together? >> yeah. >> mm-hm. it has never been about that with us. i mean what i would refer to as when i was younger, recreational sex all the time

thank you, daddy. mm-hmm. have a nice time, baby. we will, daddy. good night, mr. and mrs. evans. you take care of my little girl, now. if eddie needs some more work on his, uh, thesis, he can come up here and fire away anytime 'cause, like he said in the paper, i'm an expert on how to raise kids, right? -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com captions provided by sony pictures television just looking out of the window thinking how it all looks hand-me-dow good times anytime you need a payment good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime you're out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?

. >> daddy. daddy is stuck. he's stuck in the mirror. i can't get out my daddy. >> many of colorado's most violent convicts are sent to the limon correctional facility, a level four penitentiary on the eastern plains of the state. but when they get into trouble here, they go to administrative segregation, a lockdown unit where they spend 23 hours a day in their cells. >> segregation is basically the jail within the prison. and that's where some of the more colorful, disruptive types are housed. >> one of those inmates is jonathan hall. serving 40 years for murder. >> take that camera somewhere else. >> our crew first encountered hall while interviewing another inmate a few doors down. >> this is what i think of your story. >> i believe he threw -- well, he threw a liquid substance under the door. it smelled somewhat suspicious, so we're going to go report that. yeah, he threw pee under the door. >> did he? >> yeah. >> better double-check. >> okay. >> we soon learn that hall's anger had really begun the day before. >> he started off yeste

thank you, daddy. bubble bath! gee, daddy. it's really sweet of you, but what's the occasion? nothing! nothing! nothing at all. i mean, after all, can't a guy, every now and then, bring home a present for his family? sure he can, arch. but you never do. y away, huh? daddy, you've got to admit it's not every day you come home singing and handing out presents. well, maybe your father always wanted to, but he forgot, and today he remembered. is that right, archie? yeah. that makes sense, edith. like i'm sitting here, and i almost forgot to mention i wanted a beer. and now you're remembering? that's right. you see what i mean? he forgot that he wanted-- would you shut up and get me the beer. daddy, you can tell us. did you get a raise? no! no! nothing like that. if you really want to know, i'll tell youse this much. why are you standing there, edith? you lost a beer. i'll help you clean it up, ma. archie! you swore you would never do it again. do what again? gamble on the horses. who said anything about gambling on the horses? you just did when you said lady luck shined on you tod

sit down, daddy. please? daddy... remember when i was a little girl and you told me say nothing but the truth? i remember. second chronicles 18:15. and you said the truth shall set you free? father, i cannot tell a lie. george washington? no! me! chrissy, just what is it you're trying to tell me? they were never married. then you mean that jack is just living here with her? oh, no. he's not? no. he's living here with both of us. both of you?! it's absolutely innocent, daddy. innocent?! why, chrissy this is absolutely scandalous. this is immoral! it's sodom and gomorrah! that's what it is! oh, daddy, you make it sound like all we're doing is having fun. jack is here for practical reasons. practical reasons? well, i'll tell you what's practical. and come home with me. oh...! this is my home. this is not a home. this is a den of vipers. this is a playground for the devil. can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? can a man walk upon hot coals and his feet not be burned? can a man say something? no!

when are you coming, daddy? i thought i could start early tomorrow morning, should be there by noon. i can hardly wait to see dennis. oh, he's anxious to see you too. hurry, honey. it's long distance. oh, daddy. this is long distance, and you don't wanna run up a big bill, so--hmm? oh, all right. he wants to talk to you. oh. hello, dad. how are you? good. been working on any new inventions? no fooling. really? what's a carburetor? dear, it's long distance. oh. well, it's good talking to you, dad. we'll see you tomorrow. yeah. oh, sure. just a second. he wants to say hello to dennis. hi, grandpa. what's a carburetor? oh. what's combustion mean? oh, sure, i know what burning means. that's what mom did to dad's new shirt yesterday when she was ironing. alice. i'm sorry. it happened when i was trying to get dennis' foot out of your ukulele. what's his foot doing in my-- never mind. i don't wanna know. hey, grandpa, do you still have all that hair in your ears? dennis. when you get down here, can we show joey? i told

just like his daddy. and nobody's gonna push him through school without putting something into his head. 'cause he's got pride. now, either you do the smart thing and stay in the 11th grade, or let them push you through the 12th grade like a big jackass. now, make up your mind, son. and remember, junior, you got pride. well? what do you say, junior? go ahead. well, mr. kirkman... ...i'm proud to go along with your quota system and take my place in the senior class. j., i don't know what's gonna become of you, sliding through school like this. oh, mama, don't worry about me. i can always make a living as a painter. that's right, mama. j.j., i've got to tell you that your daddy and me was real disappointed in you today. you're gonna need that education when the school turns you out into the streets. what's gonna happen -- somebody's gonna pull me into an alleyway and say, "tell me what happened in 1066. otherwise, i'll blow your brains out"? he could blow your brains out with a soda straw. look who's talkin

daddy! daddy! what? it's sergeant roselli on the phone here. he caught the man who robbed you! oh, all right. tell him to hold the line there. the sergeant's on the phone. comemen in, mr. morrison. tell him to hold the line, little girl. gloria: hold on, he's coming to the phone. all right. come on, give me the phone! i'm giving you the phone! get out of here! [blows raspberry] yeah, archie bunker here, sergeant, yeah. yeah, my daughter just told me. you want me to come down and identify the guy. well, i tell you, uh... i tell you, sergeant, i have just decided... not to press the charges. daddy! archie? shush! shush in front of the phone. i don't believe it. i don't believe it! the police caught your robber, now you're dropping the charges? mr. bunker, i have to be going. i'll be right with you, mr. morrison. get lost, will you? arch, aren't you always saying we should help the police? i'm helping the police. i'm giving them one less case to worry about. yeah, you're giving the public one more to worry about. the point is that the boy is innocent. but, archie, you said he was

daddy, what happened to wilbur? oh, he was telling me about some office building he designed and he--he went out to the barn-- uh, to his office to get the plans. dad, now that we have a few minutes together, now, i know you think he's eccentric. but just wait till you get to know him. "went to the cahuenga car wash. bring money." oh, boy. it's all i need. i'd better sneak over the back fence. [water running] hey, harry! do you see what i see? it's a horse! what's a horse doin' here? who knows? if some nut wants his horse washed, we'll wash it. think we should? we're not thinkers, we're washers. yeah. i'll take the front end, harry. [car engine whirring] ok, ed! come on home. you got your laugh. hey! what's going on here? what does it look like, mr. burke? we're washing a horse! what's this horse doin' here? what is this? a publicity gag? i'm sorry, sir. my horse ran away. he ran-- you fellows get back to work. there's some more cars coming in back there. and as for you, mister... wait a minute. hey, this could be g

yeah, she said daddy! we all heard it. i hehed it-- daddy. the sound in here is weird. that'll be $15. ( theme music playing ) whqt areree looking at? formaldehyde, acrolein, nitrobenzene. this a aually has over 7,000 chemicals, and don't get me started on what they do to you. prematurely wrinkled skin, stunted lung growth, mr. esler. tooth loss, cancer... mr. esler. hang on... if cigarettes looked as dangerous as they are, you'd run like hell. find out the real cost of tobacco. here in the city, parking is hard to find. seems like everyone drives. and those who do should switch to geico because you could save hundreds on car insurance. ah, perfect. valet parking. here's the keys. and, uh, go easy on my ride, mate. hm, wouldn't mind some of that beef wellington... to see how much you could save on car insurance, go to geico.com. ah! (car alarm sounds) it's ok! - ( revving ) - ( rock music playing ) boat ight, boat knight the knight that rideses on top of a boat boat knight, boat knight, boat knight! before we begin, let's make something clear this isn't about a modern-d

oh, hasn't daddy been sleepin', ma? oh, no. i can always tell when he's sleepin' 'cause he snores like this. [snoring] [gibbering] what's he do when he's not sleeping? he don't snore. [doorbell ringing] oh, i'll get it. that's probably louise. she's makin' a cake for the party. is this the bunker's residence? yeah. telegram. oh, thank you. go ahead, ma. open it. oh, no. it says bunker. it might be for your father. ma, your name's bunker, too. it's probably a happy-anniversary wire. go on, open it. oh, all right. if you say so. i'll just read my half. [gasping] i shouldn't have opened it. why not? it's from your father's union. he's gotta go on strike on monday. but that's not what daddy just said. i know. but he was wrong, gloria. bye bye blackbird where somebody waits for me sugar's sweet, so is he bye bye blackbird ma. you can't stay in the kitchen all night. gloria, i wonder what's keepin' mike and archie. oh, they probably just stopped off at kelsey's for a beer and the rest of their argument. gloria, maybe i was wrong. may

daddy, daddy, are you all right? i've been worried sick about you. why didn't you call me from the hospital, let me know how you were? jeez, it was terrible down at that hospital, little girl. but it's okay. you're gonna still have your daddy with you. listen, help me over to the sofa there, huh? okay. arggh! will you get away from me? just my daughter, huh? here, take me. come on, daddy, come on. come on. here. all right. help me into the sofa. arggh! get away from me! daddy... oh. put the pillow back there, huh? there you go. ahh. thank you, my darling. where's ma? oh, she stopped at ferguson's to get some ice cream. ice cream. archie: yeah. to cool down my burning guts. you know, i think he's delirious. he blew $4.90 on a taxi. wait a minute. you took a cab? oh, that's all right. i'm gonna charge them mushroom people with every dime of it. of course, i'm gonna sue them for every dime they've got. here, you go get me the number of that law firm that i had the time i had the whiplash there. oh, what was their name? oh, jeez, i forget. now, let me th

oh, daddy, we'll be all right. why, ma just won $2 from the daily news for writing her most embarrassing moment. yeah. i'll read it to you. i went down the cellar and found archie dead." bye, arch. bye, daddy. bye, archie. no! edith, come back here. come back here. oh, archie, i'm glad you called me back. i've got something to tell you. i know you'll be upset, because this is a thing that a guy don't usually tell a woman. i love you, edith. i know, archie. you mean i didn't have to tell you, then? no. then why didn't you stop me? oh, i'm sorry. oh, that's all right, edith. i forgive you. here, edith. come here, edith, and give me a kiss. oh, there she goes. hey, lord, i don't wanna stay here. if you're gonna take me, come on, take me out of this joint. [knock at door] man: are you down there, mr. bunker? jeez, that was fast. here i am, lord! down the cellar! i can't open these doors. oh, gee, i thought you could do anything, lord. i'll come through the front door. yeah, anything you say, lord. i always wanted to se

daddy is invincible. that's how we want to think about our parents. knowing that dad lives alone, we worry. that's why was so hard for all of us when he had his heart attack. i wasn't feeling well that day. the heart attack hit me, i fell to the floor, and i was trying to crawl back to the bed. of course in excruciating pain. i'm alive today because of philips lifeline. philips lifeline is the number one medical alert service in the u.s. today. you get fast easy access to help any time. daddy was been a little resistant. he didn't want so seems old. we insisted. i'm so grateful that dad had his philips lifeline. i don't know if he would have made it without it. i love you so much. i love you too, you know that. philips lifeline offers the most widely adopted proven fall detection with auto alert. if a fall is detected auto alert will automatically call for help, so even if you can't push the button your self you still can get access to help any time at home or on the go. in my opinion any one over 65 with a medical condition that inhibits mobility. pa

but, daddy, we don't want your whole car. just one tire. just one tire? george, couldn't you let them have the spare? but, daddy, you and mom don't need to go out. you're married. i'm married. darling, it's arthur's car, so i think it's his responsibility. but, daddy, arthur doesn't have enough money to take me to the movies and buy a tire. well, maybe if he'd quit eating apples for a while, he could afford both. oh, daddy, you just don't understand. i'm sorry to bother you again, mr. post. honey, i'd like to help you, but, i mean, if your own father won't let you have a spare tire, it would be wrong for me to. but, mr. post, daddy just doesn't understand. he thinks i'm too young to be going steady. well, you're not exactly over the hill, you know. well, juliet was only 13 when she was going steady with romeo. yeah, but look at the mess those two kids got into. ick. besides which, i think your father's right, dear. i mean, after all, why should you give arthur a spare tire just so you can get a date? arthur just has enough money to take us to the movies.

hi, daddy! ma, daddy's home! all: surprise! hey, hey, hey. jeez. what? who? me? arch, i just found your birth certificate. happy 50th birthday, arch. all: happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear archie happy birthday to you you know, i still don't understand. why didn't archie stay? i thought it was his birthday. i think the surprise was too much for him. i guess he's just taking a walk around the block. for two hours? maybe he's forgotten his way home. i've found that a lot of youngsters have poor memories nowadays. well, he'll be here. let's all have a good time. hey, will you get off the phone there, kelsey, and come and pour me a beer? sorry to keep you waiting, arch, but that was kinda important. yeah. it's my birthday. i got to spend it sitting here looking at you. your birthday, huh? well, seeing this is a special day for you, that is on the house. happy birthday to you. oh, it's a lousy birthday for me. oh, gee, i'm sorry you feel that way, arch. say, how old are you today? fifty-five? fifty-six? kelsey: what? i'm 49. no kidding. w

. - daddy. want to see daddy? - [exhales deeply] - let's do this. i know it's a competition between luis and i, but right nowit's about us and our family. all i can care about is going inside, seeing my parents, seeing my kids, seeing my wife,seeing my brothers and friends. [all cheering] - look at daddy. it's daddy, papa. - oh, my god, really? - seeing roberto walk through the door... i'm very proud, and... i know he's gonna keep doing great. he's the love of my life, and i fell in love with him the weight that he was. so i can't wait to do more things with him. look at you.do you recognize daddy? - it's your baby. - i know. - i'm speechless right now. [chuckles] i'm just very excited. thank you so much for bringing them home. luis looks so different. when he left,he was, you know, heartbroken, and then seeing him back again-- different. - daddy, daddy, daddy. - i could tell right away he wanted to be with him. so it was overwhelming for me, yeah, definitely emotional. - [speaking spanish] - my dad is a stone. you really don't see my dad cry much,

daddy... daddy, didn't the jeffersons teach you anything? you were against them when they moved in, but nothing happened. the sky didn't fall down. well, because the jeffersons are different. how are the jeffersons different? because one colored family is a novelty and two is a ghetto. what?! what?! daddy! are you really gonna take that petition around? i told you this ain't a petition. this is a letter that mcnab wrote and he gave it to me. i'm supposed to sign it and pass it along. you know something, i swear i think you do these things sometimes just to eat my heart out. and that's what you do, you know. little by little, piece by piece, you eat my heart out. bunker! bunker, i want a word with you. don't bother to try to hide the evidence. i know what you're up to and i want that letter that mcnab is passing around! what letter? well, maybe he means this letter. get out of here, will you? now, listen, jefferson, i ain't got no argument with you. come on, don't cop out to me. i know that you don't want any more blacks in this street. i nev

now, sweet daddy williams here is one of a kind. just a few finishing touches, [ sighs ] sure is a shame to keep this in the closet. hey, since both are just symbols of jesus, a black family should have a black symbol. if mama sees that there, she gonna kill you. no, she ain't. jesus may have your soul, but mama gonna have your behind. [ door opens ] you gone now, baby. thelma, put that magazine down and get in that kitchen and clean it up! hi, mama! how's things down in the laundry room? well, i had a chat with princess grace and elizabeth taylor. the princess was rinsing her husband's shorts, and liz was waiting for her diamonds to dry. now move out of my way. i got work to do. but, mama, what about the -- honey, why do you keep jumping up in my face? well, i hope the spacelab is out of the way because i am just about to go into orbit! i don't have to ask who hung this here, michael evans. but before i hang you in its place, why? mama, it's just a symbol of jesus. well, hello, symbol... and goodbye. but j.j. painted him. don't fin

[screaming] daddy! daddy! daddy! daddy! sir-- daddy! daddy! daddy! sir--you've been in a coma, sir. just relax. just relax. just relax. [gasping] hey. sir. this is your lucky day. [laughing] [laughter echoing] [woman sobbing] she's screaming. i'll handle it. are you sure we should keep her? she's perfect. don't you agree, mr. conrad? what chapter are you on? the part where she's at the coal mines. say what you will about his writing, maeve, it's fascinating the way he weaves characters into situations, right? yeah, i mean, i'm not sure what i think of it. it's slightly obtuse. yeah, he tends to be that way. i probably should have warned you. he's not really anything like sir arthur conan doyle. [chuckles] still my favorite. guess what. what? i think the stalker's gone. the emails have stopped. really? since when? two weeks ago. why didn't you tell me? i wanted to make sure. no, i haven't gotten any. what about the phone calls? no more heavy breathing on the machine, no more hang-ups. you know, oftentimes when a stalker's advances are completely ignored, their erotomanic fantasies wi

daddy, help me, please! please...[sobbing] daddy, help me, please, daddy! help me! the citi double cash card. it's a cash back win-win. with 1% when you buy and 1% as you pay. with two ways to earn on purchases, it makes a lot of other cards seem one-sided. don't let a cracked windshield ruin your plans. trust safelite. with safelite'sexclusive "on my way text" you'll know exactly when we'll be there. giving you me time for what matters most. the flu virus hits big. with aches, chills, and fever, there's no such thing as a little flu. and it needs a big solution: an antiviral. so when the flu hits, call your doctor right away and up the ante with antiviral tamiflu. prescription tamiflu is an antiviral that attacks the flu virus at its source and helps stop it from spreading in the body. tamiflu is fda approved to treat the flu in peopltwo weeks of age and older whose flu symptoms started within the last two days. before taking tamiflu, tell your doctor if you're pregnant, nursing, have serious health conditions, or take other medicines. if you develop an allergic re

all i hear is, "daddy took me to the pony rides" and "daddy took me to the movies" and "daddy this" and "daddy that." i'm the one who makes him do homework, and brush his teeth. i'm no fun, but richard's a saint. can keith stay for supper? no. no. no. this is really getting silly. i've got to get home. richard, if you're done sulking, would you mind sending keith in? i'll get him. good-bye, cynthia. mr. bailey said to give you this. "cynthia, i'm the one who needs a fresh start. i'm taking keith. good-bye. richard." what if mommyand daddy got divorced? don't worry, they won't. just think what their honeymoon was like. i'd rather not. just say they did divorce. who would you go with? i'd get my own apartmentand let them visit me. i'd get my own apartment building and let them rent from me. i never dreamed that he would dare. he was upset, angry. he didn't knowwhat he was doing. stop making excuses for him. i'm not making excuses,i'm just-- you kids still up? mom, it's 8:15. well, why not get a good night's sleep for a change? if you want us to leave, just say so. please leave. please lea

oh, daddy, it's beautiful! daddy...you got this for me? it's so sheer. i mean, you can see right through it. yeah, well, i guess it should have been a thicker color, you know? daddy...you didn't buy this nightgown for me. you bought that statue for me, didn't you? yeah, because, uh, i think a girl ought to be talking to her father. daddy, i can't tell you how much that means to me that you would buy that statue for me. yeah, you like it? but i love you, daddy. thanks for the nightgown, mrs. lorenzo. i'm gonna go upstairs and try it on now. i think i'll give her a hand. get outta here! and then i'll give her the other hand. get outta here! can you imagine a guy talking that way in front of the neighbors here? [ ] announcer: all in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience. captioning made possible by u.s. department of education,phillips petroleum,alcoa foundation coca-cola foundation, rockwell international, and sony corporation

yeah, daddy. coz got a little touch of lumbago. the bathrooms are beautiful, and the bedroom is immaculate. then i don't think there's any doubt. you're the winner, mrs. evans. [ cheers ] just a minute, mrs. vinson. we promised the russells we'd go back and take another look at their apartment. it's my belief as chairperson that this is by far the best-kept and most charming apartment. if you don't agree, you tell mr. and mrs. evans. mrs. evans, i am happy to inform you that you've first prize. [ cheers ] thank you. thank you. well, committee, our work is done. let's go. let's go. let's go. goodbye, now. bye-bye, and thank you all so much. j.j.: whoo! well! this calls for a celebration! let's have some kool-aid! i'm so proud of you. we did it. and now, james, what were you saying about "it ain't what you do but who you know"? that's supposed to be the rule, but, as usual, you're the exception. you really deserve it, baby, 'cause you did one fine job on this apartment. and don't forget -- we also made a fine, new person out of ned.

kathy: hi, daddy! bye, daddy! remember me? kathy: sure daddy, i could never forget you. jim: how about a kiss to pay for your room and board, and laundry? (laughs) okay, paid. (door slams) hello, honey. what's burning? hello, dear. jim: oh, cornbread. margaret: it's a cake. jim: is it a pancake? margaret: it's a birthday cake! i mean, well at this point i really don't know myself. betty: mother! mother have you seen my - oh hi, father. jim: hi, princess. betty: father! before you say another word, i want you to answer just one question, and i want the truth. am i getting fat? jim: all i can say is there's never too much of a good thing. betty: oh no! margaret: in simple language, you told her that she was growing into a hippopotamus. jim: i said that? margaret: ralph said she's gaining weight. jim: oooh...why doesn't he mind his own business? (whining) margaret: what can i do with it? aren't you home early? jim: yes, and you'll see why. there's something i want to show you. margaret: what? jim: out in the driveway, something i bought for bud. something he's always wanted

no, wait a minute, daddy. there's something wrong here. yeah, there's something wrong, little girl, huh? yeah, you owe me 10. that's what's wrong? yeah, don't you remember last week i loaned you $10 when you didn't have enough money to pay the plumber for fixing the drip in the sink? oh, holy cow. yeah. what have you got there? two fives? there's my ten. wait a minute! there's the five you wanted. thank you very much. here's the five i owe you for the pizza. wait, wait. not quite all square. you're damn right not quite all square. remember, george, you still owe archie $2. give it to him. yeah, somebody give me something, huh? i'm feeling awful light here. give him the $2. i don't have change. i know how to fix this! archie: how? michael, remember you and daddy still owe lionel $7 for the ball game tickets from last saturday. that's right! i forgot. here, give me the $5. wait a minute! mr. jefferson, here's $5. now, with the two you owe archie, you add that to the $5, that makes 7. you give that to lionel. that squares us with lionel and s

. >> you call him daddy. i think this is prophetic, because i think sanders is for the left the daddy of nurture and for the right trump is the daddy who is stern. does that make sense? >> any political movement that any political personality that attracts frat boys to sassy gay british columnists there's something interesting going on there. it is something the majority media would scoff about and say we can't endorse this horrible popular, sleazy character. this guy captures the imagination of conservatives under 50. it doesn't even like them on the rare occasions they don't exist. i try to right for people over 50 unlike most conservative journalists and they love him. they love him. >> you know who else conservatives love? adolph stevens. really great guy. joanne, thoughts? >> yeah, i think, too, why people are responding to is people talk about the pc bowl, he doesn't have the filter we all like. that's why we go to bars and drink a lot. wloef a crowd and we start saying things that are on our mind acnd

daddy, you can't eat tuna. i can't eat what? mom,ad killed flipper. we're boycotting tuna, honey, because they kill the dolphins that get caught in the nets. only albacore. alba what? have a ham sandwich. yeah. eat miss piggy instead. aah! ha! ha! ooh, i'm sorry. it's only my eye. oh! oh, my god! aah! it's coming on! my baby. ha ha ha! look! it's rianne! hey. hey. t.v. announcer: when the time has come... and the moment is right... remember... use condoms. we do. we do. t.v. announcer: condoms-- because caring means all the protection you can get. trish... take the kids upstairs. daddy, we learn about this every day in human development. in human what? human development what? trish? development, daddy. come on, you guys. upstairs, upstairs. nick, upstairs. you know how your father is when he gets like this. i looked fat. i liked it, rianne. george. yes, sir? home. out. but, sir-- yes, sir. what's with you, rog? she was great. she looked beautiful. yeah, i liked it. [chuling quietly] look, rog, i thought was great. rianne, that was just-- that was just

daddy, mr. burns was speaking of oklahoma. - oh yes, in oklahoma they have a lot of oil men and they have a lot of indians. and speaking of oklahoma and speaking of indians, it reminds me -- - [ronnie] dad. mr. collins was talking about los angeles. - oh no, no, ronnie, please. let your father talk about oklahoma.

daddy, it's got nothing to do with you. gloria, don't you realize, without those books, i'm gonna look like an idiot in class? imagine the meathead worrying about that. i know you never worry about it. you want to start up with me, huh? yeah, i want to start right now. will you two stop it? it's bad enough it's like a jungle on the streets. do i have to come home to one? gloria, what is the matter with you? you're acting strange. you look different. hey, that's not your sweater. that's right, it's trudy's. it's also trudy's skirt. well, where are your own clothes? they got dirty. how did they get dirty? they got dirty from dirt. dirt makes clothes dirty. i mean, you don't expect them to get clean, do you? i expect a rational answer. that's what i expect. oh, for crying out loud, gloria, tell him how your clothes got dirty, huh? oh, will you stop hounding me? i ain't hounding you. gloria, what is going on? you're both hounding me! i'm not hounding you! i'm just-- i'm back! [arguing] let's talk about something important, huh?

no, daddy, that's not it. it seems that there was a line of people waiting for box boys and george was very late getting back to work this morning. oh, my, i hope it ain't because we kept him here talking? i think it is, ma. oh, archie! [doorbell rings] you must be mrs. bunker. yeah. i'm pat bushmill. george's father. george, the box boy down at ferguson's market. oh, george. well, come in, mr. bushmill. look who's here. george's father. that's my daughter gloria. and this is my-- look, uh... mrs. bunker, i don't want to interrupt you, but i am in a hurry. see, i just heard that george lost his job at ferguson's because he was late getting back from here. we know. i'm sorry. we didn't mean to keep him that long. edith, don't be talking as if it's our fault that the boy got fired. we didn't do nothing. i only gave him a cookie. i told him he was entitled and ought to take himself a break from work. you told that boy to take a break in the middle of a work day? where do you come off doing a thing like that? well

carolina: ay, adiÓs, daddy. gael: adiÓs. matÍas: adiÓs, daddy.altazar, como sea. te quiero mucho. y acuÉrdate, ¿eh? te descuartizo. carolina: ¿quÉ quiere decir con eso de te descuartizo? matÍas: no, luego te explico. vamos. vÁmonos. gael: cuÍdenlo, tÁpenlo bien que hay frÍo. matÍas: hasta luego, suegro. gael: y pÓnganse el cinturon de seguridad. bueno, tÚ no, matÍas, a ver si sales volando por ahÍ y nos deshacemos de ti. ay. dejaron ropita del bebÉ. cÓmo me gusta el olor de mi nieto. ay, hijo. quÉ bruto. ¿quÉ le dan de beber en la mamila? ¿sidra de huejotzingo? pobre niÑo. carlos: ¿se fue carolina? gael: se fue, se llevÓ a mi gasparcito. carlos: ay, seÑor, ¿y por quÉ no se fue con ellos? gael: no, ¿cÓmo que me voy a ir con ellos? yo amo esta casa, aquÍ vivo muy a gusto. carlos: bueno, por lo menos vamos a poder dormir en nuestra cama, vÉngase. gael: no, no, ¿cÓmo vamos? me huele a manifestaciÓn de maestros. usted se va a quedar a dormir aquÍ en el sofÁ cama. yo me voy a la cama a disfrutar de nuestra cama. carlos: ah, espÉreme tantito. o sea, pie

daddy? why are you doing this? mommy says you don't feel good. [crying] i'm scared, daddy. i just want to go home. jenna, can you talk to him about something personal, something that only the two of you would know about? do you remember our honeymoon, when you woke me up at night and you took me up that mountain that you'd hiked years before? we watched the sun rise. it was magical. and you said that as much as you loved this spot, you loved me even more. your eyes and your mind are playing a trick on you. when you see your family, you think that they're imposters, but it's all caused by an illness. you're sick, luke. it's not your fault. i love you, daddy. we both do. come on, now, luke, you don't need that gun. none of us want to hurt you. you are a hero to this country. please let us help you. i want to see jenna. en you have to do as i ask. put your weapon down and close your eyes. luke, you have to close your eyes. why? because you need to know that your wife is real please, luke. close your eyes or we will never be together again. close your eyes. jenna: ok. they're a

did you both manage to split, daddy? well, sort of. i split with the money, but they split sam. [ laughs ] from what i saw on tv this morning, he ain't off that detail yet. baby, you got to stop that talk 'cause that's when we got real close. you know, the next day i went to see him in the infirmary, and i took him back every penny. you know what he called me after that? honest james. you know what i'd call him? jesse james. honey, that man is using religion like a hustle. oh, now, get off of sam's case. that's my good buddy. i want you to stop talking like that, especially when he comes around to call on me. ha! that'll be the day. [ knock on door ] you laugh if you want to, but just suppose -- just suppose now that was sam right outside the door. if that's sam outside this door, i'll shine your shoes in marshall field's window. good morning, sister. smilin' sam! [ laughs ] [ laughs ] hey. we don't roar we don't fight but we're gonna score tonight watch those tomcats go rolling along meow! meow! hot dog. last time i saw you, man, you

yes, as soon as daddy's shirts come back from the laundry. daddy's shirts? yes, i need the cardboard out of them to make your crown. oh. then i'm gonna get some sparkle paint, and i'll put lots of jewels and things on it. boo! ohh! oh, my goodness! did i scare you? yeah. a witch that looks like that would scare anybody. would i get more treats if i go treat-or-treating as an ugly, old witch? oh, probably. but you and i know that witches don't look like that. they're just the same as everybody else... almost. i don't know why we just don't tell everyone we're witches. then they'll find out what wonderful, nice people we are. people don't really think there are such things as witches. so we'll just have to keep our little secret, okay? okay. [ ding! ] mommy, can i wear this crown instead of the cardboard one? [ sighs ] mother! [ ding! ] what makes you think i did that? it could have been something she ate. just send it back where it came from. ohh. [ ding! ] i don't see why a granddaughter of mine should have to wear a crown made of shirt cardboard and sparkle

mark wahlberg and sean daddy combs-- >> larry: wait. did he just say "sean "daddy" combs"? who is that, diddy's daddy? ( laughter ) is he. i don't know. i'm sorry, continue. >> mark wahlberg and sean daddy combs, who co-own a beverage company, have pledged a million bottles. >> cher has donated 181,000 bottles. >> larry: "181,000 bottles?" why not 200,000? oh, yeah, she's a star, so 10% of those bottles go to her agent. i know. do the math, you guys. it's annoying, but you make it all back on your taxes. well, good job, celebs! i'm proud of you guys. okay, who else is helping out? >> senator ted cruz's michigan office spent the day handing out gallons of water to the flint community. >> larry: oh, ted "daddy" cruz ( laughter ) that's a surprise. although, it is understandable that he appreciates the importance of water, because he is half-blobfish. ( applause ) oh, my god! that is actually horrifying, you guys. i apologize to the blobfish for that comparison. i apologize, you guys. anyway, as long as cruz isn't using this crisis to score political points, then that's great.

"you know why my daddy is so special? he put my picture on his baby food--" i asked you to take it down. will you look at my hair? go on. read, read. ahh... "and he named his company after me. "so when babies eat sunshine baby food, "they grow up strong and healthy because in every jar is a father's love for his little girl." hmm! even back then. so... you had nothing to do with my getting that job? they hired me 'cause they liked my writing? oh, my god! i quit. i got that job on my own, and now i don't have it anymore. what will i do? well, what you-- don't you dare tell me. i'll figure out something on my own. daddy... i'm sorry i got so mad. hey, hey. i'm proud of you. you showed you could make it without help at all from the old man. thanks. i'm glad you came by. to show there's no hard feelings. says a man has got to be a man and before i let your steam drill beat me down i'll die with a hammer in my hand lord, lord-- evening, ladies. a hammer in my hand... well, somebody's in a good mood. how long has she been like

little girl didn't know daddy was come home. mom said it was a friend but it was daddy, a big surprise for her. >> she'll never let go of his neck. >> this next one also precious, this one is waiting for the baby to come. mom is expecting baby number for little sister. mom is 29 weeks and one day. big sister loves when her stomach moves, when the baby kicks. >> are you hearing me? anybody hear me? can you wake up? >> oh. >> they can hear and will respond, kick. they say let them listen to mozart or big sister. >> oh! she wants to meet my face. >> she isn't even born yet and already sibling rivalry between the two, super cute. >>> it's time to give away another ipad mini and today is -- do, do, do, do bonus day. giving away a flat screen tv as well. >> two winners today. to enter you need friday's buzzword, 18 years of age and legal u.s. resident. >> the "rtm" buzzword coming up >> stand by everybody for the ipad mini give away. >> one of my biggest heroes in action sports is travis pastrelm. this guy continues to break down barr

my daddy loves me. jodie: i don't understand. well, did your dad ever touch you in a way that, uh... well, made you feel uncomfortable? no, he-he's a great dad. he'd never do anything like that. how about with your sisters? no. sometimes he and megan would argue but he was just trying to keep her out of trouble. yeah? what kind of trouble? he said her boyfriend was bad news. ( chuckles ) she thought he was trying to control her life. uh-huh. well, how's his relationship with lilly? he never yells at her. mm-hmm. he spend a lot of time with her? i guess. so what do they do when they hang out? they go to the park, and he reads to her. just the usual stuff. usual stuff? anything else? it probably doesn't mean anything. so tell me anyway. sometimes he goes to her room at night. and i hear crying. and? he still gives her baths with the door locked. and a few nights ago i-i woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water and i saw him changing lilly's sheets. she was crying in the corner with her bottoms off. dad s acting we

. >> daddy, daddy. >> reporter: 125 days deployed in afghanistan, coupled with months of summer training before their fall departure. >> so big. >> reporter: group of service men from the air national guard are back, with their loved ones. >> back with my family. >> i didn't think wow recognize me because it has been a couple of months since he has been away and i have gotten so tall. >> reporter: paul saddleburger was a ten year veteran, philadelphia police officer wouldn't be able to spot him at the crowd at philadelphia international airport's terminal d. so he made up this shirt. >> it says, out of my way, i get the my daddy back today. >> reporter: this was staff sergeant saddleburger's first deployment since getting married and having a son. >> he has been in the service for 17 years. he was in the navy. now national guard. >> it is my third time going through it. so i kind of know the ropes a little bit more. but yeah, it was very tough when they are not here. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> now you that they are back it seems like it went by fast but during the time, it went by sl