you're jimmy kimmel.hen i got him mad because my shower was broken in the psych ward and they took me to a different shower to use and he got all mad at me. oh, jimmy, mr. big shot. mr. celebrity can't shower with us. >> jimmy: i would have showered with him. i still would love to shower with him. >> take it easy, sandusky. it's a sports show. >> jimmy: how did you meet? >> at an audition in l.a. i came out here to act and, you know, it went well. i'm doing radio in new york. but the problem was every audition i went on, it was me and the same three or four italian guys in the waiting room so we started carpooling after like two weeks it was like me scott baio and ralph macchio looking for ed mar narrow types, so -- >> that's how i became good friends with the guy that played newman on "seinfeld." we just met at auditions. >> jimmy: you were hired first. >> yeah. >> jimmy: then how -- did you have to talk artie into it. >> well, they wanted to match me up with like tony siragusa and i was like bring tony

walmart. >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!onight, regis philbin and music from paul anka with cleto and the cletones, and now here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. hi, i'm jimmy, the host of the show. we got a fun show with you. regis is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's always fun to have regis with us and i always learn something when he's here. he's been doing this for a long time. last time he taught me how to make love to a woman. so good at it. probably why he's been on tv for such a long time. 28 years on one television show. that's amazing, but just to be clear, contrary to what people seem to believe, regis did not retire, he was fired after they caught him stealing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they say he tried to smuggle some coffee mugs out of the building. he said he was just thirsty. i don't know what happened exactly. all i know is he's here and we're keeping an eye on our stuff but in truth, regis left "live with regis and kelly" so he could spend more time at home many driving his w

jimmy kimmel is next. thank you for watching. good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: all right, hey, nud, let's party. >> dicky: peter facinelli. >> why are we hugging? >> dicky: chef jamie oliver. >> a little bit of heavy breathing. yeah! >> dicky: and music from vince gill. >> jimmy: mark this down. november 17th, 2011, the day america gave up. ♪ i say we >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about the new, high-performance fiat 500 ah-bart -- the legendary italian sports car that'll be available in the united states in early 2012. it debuted yesterday at the l.a. car show, and my friend guillermo has been test-driving it ever since. ♪ >> my name is o. guillermo. agent cero-cero-siete. my assignment today -- to stop the diabolical mr. mean from blowing up the world. stop, mr. mean! >> you're too late. i blow up the world. >> do not blow up the world. >> oh, my god. what is that car? beautiful. >> it is the new fiat 500 ah-bart. >> it's beautiful. >> yeah. i will give you a rid

jimmy kimmel next, "gma" in the morning. and have a great night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- robert pattinson. >> only time i ever see my parents. >> jimmy: they show up in the audience at talk shows hoping you'll acknowledge them? it's multiplying. who got oprah what about midnight? definitely wasn't stedman. >> dicky: freida pinto. brad paisley. and music from thompson square. >> jimmy: how can i not find a hershey babababababababababababa >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word from cars.com, the place to shop confidently with a wide selection of new and used vehicles, side-by-side comparisons, consumer and expert vehicle reviews, and tools to make sure you get the right car at the right price. why, just the other day, i was -- [ door bell ] oh, excuse me. i wonder who that could be. come in. oh, look at this. it's yehya. hi, yehya. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: hello. >> i need mustard. >> jimmy: what? >> i need mustard. this weekend, i'm going to tailgating to san francisco. >> jimmy:

check in with "gma" and "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. see you back here tomorrow night. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: cyber monday, basically black friday for people too lazy to put on pants. >> dicky: regis philbin. >> welcome to "regis philbin live." >> jimmy: a little bit of flavor. >> the more regis, the better. >> music from paul anka. >> i agree. what the hell are we even alright, so we have $10. you could get two things for $4 and one for $2. or five things for $2. or one for $6 and two for $2. [ male announcer ] with denny's 2-4-6-8 value menu, we're open to all new ways to save you money. [ imitates explosion ] [ male announcer ] denny's. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about the venus embrace razor. if there's one thing i know a thing or two about, it's women. human women. women typically shave 18 times more surface area than men and some of those areas can be tricky but still a lot of women think they get a better shave from a man's razor. sadly, they are wrong. to prove it, i brou

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. we should be thankful to be alive right now. are we alive? i guess we don't really know, do we? a few hours ago, an asteroid bigger than an aircraft carrier passed inside the orbit of the moon. a 1,300-foot wide rock just missed the earth and not a single one of us even looked up from our cell phones to see it. we only care about flying objects when they're angry birds. [ laughter ] the asteroid missed the earth, fortunately, but the president had bruce willis, michael bay and aerosmith standing by just in case. it came within 200,000 miles of us, which is -- it's close enough for anyone with a medium-sized telescope to get a look at it but not close enough to be groped by herman cain. herman cain had another big day today. he held a press conference in phoenix to address the sexual harassment charges that are multiplying like gremlins lately. he was defiant, he was angry and he even got emoti

and now, right behind you, here's jimmy kimmel!l live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] no. oh, well, hello, everyone. welcome to our annual halloween show. my name is kong, donkey kong. perhaps you know me. hold on a second. i couldn't help myself. something came over me. my mother always warned me if i kept playing i'd eventually turn into one. i'm either donkey kong or ronnie from "jersey shore." you pick. tonight on the show, we're all dressed like video game characters. cleto and cleto sr. are the super mario brothers. dicky is pacman. we have inky. and in the back is jonathan. he's frogger. [ applause ] we can't see him at all. we got -- what are you, jeff, sonic? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and takeshi is some of the blocks from tetris. and most adordable of all, as usual, our parking lot security guard guillermo. tell us who you are. >> pikashu! >> jimmy: and do you have any idea what that is? >> ah -- i know he's from japan. >> jimmy: okay. and did you tresz your little dogs up? >> no, no.

jimmy kimmel is next. good night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- shaquille o'neal. >> jimmy: i feel like you miss male companionshicompanionship. you touch me a lot. >> that's because i love you. you know i love you. >> dicky: julia jones. >> i was told that nobody would be lifting me. >> dicky: and music from david guetta, featuring usher. >> jimmy: rick perry woke up this morning, read the news about herman cain, saw all that >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- shaquille o'neal. "twilight's" julia jones, and music from david guetta featuring usher. with cleto and the cletones. and now, sure enough, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. thanks, cleto. hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coaching. thank you for watching. quick show of hands. how many people in our audience have had sexual relations with herman cain? everyone? in case you didn't hear, last night, another woman

jimmy kimmel is next. good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: the guy you met standing in line for the bathroom at a jimmy buffet conce concert? he's not your friend. >> dicky: tim allen. >> jimmy: your daughters are far apart. >> one is 21, one is 2 1/2. i don't like sex that much. >> dicky: jackson bath rathbone. >> during labor, she was in the bed at the hospital -- >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel for the completely-redesigned ford escape, which was unveiled last night right across the street from us here on hollywood boulevard. now until friday, ford is sponsoring the world's largest "words with friends" game and our favorite car and spelling enthusiast, guillermo, was there. >> wow! look! words with friends. i love that game! brought to me by the new ford escape. come on, let's go. i want to play the game. wow! >> all right, everybody, i need a volunteer to play words with friends. >> pick me! >> okay, come on up. how are you doing? >> great. >> if you can

and now, i'll tell you what, here's jimmy kimmel!s "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. welcome. thank you, cleto. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. your approval is the only thing that keeps me alive. ladies and gentlemen, our long national nightmare is at long last over. tonight the grand finale of "dancing with the stars." we did it. we spent more than 40 hours watching celebrities dance and tonight, we crowned a champion. we should be very, very ashamed of ourselves. the winner was -- actor and purple heart recipient j.r. martinez, who beat out -- [ cheers and applause ] stiff competition from ricki lake and rob ckardashian. it was nice to see a kardashian contending for a championship. usually they marry their way into them. we will talk to j.r. and his partner in a few minutes. i want to congratulate all the competitors on a job well done, except ron artest who was terrible. now that "dancing with the stars" is over, i don't know what i'm going to

and now, first and fore most, here's jimmy kimmel!t's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. very nice. thank you. i appreciate it. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for laying there and watching at home. you're here on an important night. you know, last year on this show, we started a movement. half of the people in this country are on facebook and many of those people have hundreds if not thousands of friends. and i find this unacceptable. no one has thousands of friends. acquaintances maybe. friends, no. if you have ten friends in your life, you're doing very well. so, i created a national day of action, on which we encourage anyone with a facebook page to go through their list of friends and cut anyone who is not actually a friend. it's like spring cleaning but instead of trash, you're throwing out people. and we call it national unfriend day. or n.u.d. for short. last year's n.u.d. was a huge success. we killed off millions of lol-ers and our plan is to double that. november 17th, one wee

"jimmy kimmel" is up next. see you tomorrow. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel -- back from training with the chefs at applebee's neighborhood grill and bar. as you can see, i'm here with my sous-chef preparing the brand-new -- >> guillermo: my name is guillermo. call me sue. >> jimmy: no, i said you're my sous-chef -- as in "my second-in-command." sous-chef, under the chef. >> guillermo: oh, now i see. >> jimmy: anyway, like i was saying, applebee's has a new sizzling entree, double barrel whisky sirloins. they're placed on two grilled 4-ounce sirloin steaks, flavored with blackened seasoning, garlic and thyme on a delicious mountain of garlic mashed potatoes. delicious. >> guillermo: is it good, jennifer? >> jimmy: stop calling me jennifer. >> guillermo: you stop calling me sue. >> jimmy: do you want a steak or not? then stop calling me jennifer. >> announcer: app lebee's sizzling entrÉes, including the new double barrel whisky sirloins. fresh flavor never sounded so good. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back i

and now, just like that, here's jimmy kimmel!s "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you. thanks. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for showing up. you promised you would and you did. we have very important dancing news to get to, yes, but first i would like to alert you, in case you haven't already been alerted, something is going on on thursday. this thursday is our second annual national unfriend day, or n. n.u.d., as we call it for short. we ask anyone with a facebook page to eliminate the page on their friends list who aren't really their friends. cut the dead weight, say good-bye to the people you don't want to hear from. anyone you wouldn't given your phone number to, unfriend them. anyone who has your phone number but when they call you, you let it go to voicemail, unfriend them. they're not your friend. i started this holiday because i believe facebook cheapens what we traditionally call friendship. much like "dancing with the stars" cheap nls w

. >> the presidential candidate goes on abc's "jimmy kimmel live" just hours after a fourth accuser faces the cameras. will the sexual harassment claims crush his hopes for the white house. >>> guilty as charged. michael jackson's $150,000 a month doctor, taken away in handcuffs. >>> and the sooner state says enough. taken by aftershocks. and now rocked by this monster tornado. >>> good morning. i'm sunny hostin. >> and i'm rob nelson. it is election day in america, with many local races, plus governorships in mississippi and kentucky up for grabs. but next november's ection day, weighing heavily on people's minds. >> candidate herman cain dodged our questions in california. but on late-night tv, he wasn't so quiet about the harassment claims made by a fourth woman. >> he will address those at a press conference later today. tahman bradley joins us with more details on this. >> reporter: hey, rob. appearing on "jimmy kimmel live," herman cain calls the sexual harassment controversy a firestorm. and says he is now ready to set the record straight. >> how is your day? >> well. >> reporter:

"jimmy kimmel live" up next and everyone have a happy thanksgiving. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: you guy you met standing in line for the bathroom at a jimmy buffet concert? he's not your friend. >> dicky: tim allen. >> jimmy: your daughters are far apart. are you waiting for the price of diapers to come down? >> well, i don't like sex that much. >> dicky: jackson rathbone. and music from miranda lambert. >> during labor, she was in the bed in the hospital -- h@ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word from cars.com. the place to shop confidently with a wide selection of new and used vehicles, side by side comparisons, consumer and expert vehicle reviews and tools to make sure you get the right car at the right place. you know, our friend yehya has been on a college football tailgate party pilgrimage with cars.com. he's been from arizona to pasadena to san francisco. it has been quite an adventure and it is time now to take a fond look back. >> action! >> action! hi, i'm yehya. i'm here for the game. for cars.com. i come for the -- let's go. want food? i have

and now, once and for all, here's jimmy kimmel! kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. gracias. thank, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching at home and happy sandwich day to everyone. did you know that today is national sandwich day? [ applause ] it is. let's not fake excitement. it's just a sandsandwich. we honor the brave pastrami who gave their lives so we can have lunch. i love sandwiches. can i tell you a secret? sometimes i lay down between two slices of bread and pretend to be a sandwich. once i was at a deli in new york with some friends and there were two guys sitting next to us and the waitress brings their food to the table and walks off and the guy was like, excuse me, and after six excuse mes she finally comes back and he says, this bread isn't toasted. i order a tuna on toast. and she looks at the plate and she looks at him and she says, just eat the sandwich. and goes right back to work. sure enough, he ate it. i learned a good lesson that day. it's "

. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live." eld dee mo eddie murphy. >> jimmy: "beverly hills cop was awesome." i think we might need a horny president. remember what it was like when clinton was in charge? >> dicky: manny pacquiao. ♪ how deep is your love >> dicky: ben stiller. >> eat the eyeballs off of beani ebay bys. >> jimmy: hi, i'm your cabbie, jimmy kimmel, at the airport picking up someone who just returned from a vacation to beautiful mexico. hello, sir, welcome back to the united states. >> thank you. it is good to be back. >> jimmy: good to have you. where are you from? >> i am from north dakota. >> jimmy: oh, and how was your trip? >> it was wonderful. cancun, puerto vallarta, riviera maya, los cabos, all great places with great people. >> jimmy: did you like the food? >> the food was incredible. they make something called a burrito. >> jimmy: sounds delicious. >> it was. i think i fell in love. >> jimmy: well, it sounds great. you should go back sometime. >> i definitely will go back very, very soon. >> jimmy: wel

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about the venus embrace razor. if there's one thing i know a thing or two about, it's women. human women. women typically shave 18 times more surface area than men and some of those areas can be tricky but still a lot of women think they get a better shave from a man's razor. sadly, they are wrong. to prove it, i brought in a guinea pig, my aunt chippy. hello, aunt chippy. >> well, i may be a guinea, but i ain't no pig. for sure. >> jimmy: aunt chippy shaved one of her legs with a men's razor and the other with the curvy, easy-to-grip-in-the-shower venus embrace with five curve-hugging blades and a ribbon of moisture for a smooth glide. may i examine the results? >> yeah, you can examine them, but i wish you weren't my nephew. >> jimmy: this is the venus leg is very smooth. the other leg is -- i think i'm bleeding. it's like a cactus. >> probably. >> jimmy: you could shred carrots with that leg. >> well, just be careful, only touch this one. >> jimmy: how did you even leave your house with a leg like that? >> it wa

and now, ladies and gentlemen, here's jimmy kimmel! kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching at home. thanks for watching in person. i hope you've recovered from halloween. came and went so fast. like a kardashian marriage this year. [ laughter ] no, i don't know about you, but when i -- [ applause ] when i was a kid, on the day after halloween, i would lay all my candy on the bed, unwrap everything, roll it up into a big ball, compress it together and then i would just gnaw on it for the next three months. like a beaver. [ laughter ] a lot of kids across the country got the day off from school yesterday because of halloween. pretty sure this is why we're falling behind china. not only did their kids not get the day off from school, they made all our kids' costumes. [ applause ] here in hollywood, i don't know if you were here last night but there aren't too many kids this costumes. a lot of very drunk adults in costumes. driving ho

and now, your friend and mine, here's jimmy kimmel!ve" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hello there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on this momentous night. a night of much unfriendliness. our second annual national unfriend day special. or n.u.d., as we call it for short. before we get to those festivities, i would like to say a prayer if i could. i would like you to join me. dear internet. please give me the strength to up friend those who annoy me. the courage to -- not to friend them back tomorrow. and the wisdom to know better the next time i meet someone outside jiffy lube and that person sends me a friend request. amen. all right, as jeff once said, hey, nud, let's party. it's time to get going. we've got an all-star celebrity phone bank who i will introduce in a minute. and the guy who plays chewbacca is also here, he plays it out on hollywood boulevard. [ cheers and applause ] national unfriend day is the day on which we ask every person with a facebook page to

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you.. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to worship together. you know, in most of the country, it's just after midnight, which means it's veterans day. and i wish a good veterans day to all of our veterans. [ cheers and applause ] it also means that it is the 11th day of the 11th month of 2011. in other words, today's date is -- >> 9-9-9. >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's 11-11-11. he's so stuck on that. that's right. all 1s in the day today. we haven't seen the likes of this since ten days ago when it was 11-1-11, so -- very exciting. almost as exciting as that. we made a big announcement on the show last night. next thursday night, november 17th, the second annual national unfriend day. this is the day on which we employ implore anyone with a facebook account to go through your list of friends, decide which ones are actually your friends and eliminate the rest. if "the bachelorette" can do this on television, you can do it at home. m

comedian jimmy kimmel thinks he has this one figured out.r punch line. >> hi, fellow americans. mitt romney here. i've been talking about how we need to you kick out the mexicans and repeal obama care just to win your votes. that was a big bottle of a-1 crapola. i'm a pro-choice moderate from massachusetts who passed a big old government health care plan and i know global warming is real. don't like it? too bad you'll vote for me anyway, i'm all you got left. game over, baby, i win. in case you didn't hear, i'm a mormon. >> mitt romney he's all you've got. >> ouch. oh, let's head to washington, d.c. and check in with tim farley. >> it's all you got, car. >> i know. sadly there's truth to that fake ad. >> yes. as we sit here now a year minus a day from the election in 2012 you have to think about the state of affairs and you see the republican and this new "washington post"/abc news poll. mitt romney, he'd be the second choice, would probably vote for him if they had to. so much can happen between now and the first contest, which is the iowa

get the new "jimmy kimmel live" app. get it now. 's my depression.tidepressant alone. most of the time i could pull myself together and face the day. but other days, i still struggled with my depression. i was coping, but sometimes it really weighed me down. i'd been feeling stuck for a long time. i just couldn't shake my depression. so i talked to my doctor, and he added abilify to my antidepressant. he said it could help with my depression, and that some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i'm glad i talked to him. i wish i'd done it sooner. now i feel more in control of my depression. [ male announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have un

candidate for president herman cain on kimmel live.he's saying about the latest sexual harassment allegations. >> and news every homeowner in the bay area has been waiting to hear. >> all that coming up then on "nightline". >> i'm bill, coming up next on "nightline". guilty verdict if the trial of michael jackson doctor. we have the latest reaction of jackson family and his public. >> leo and clint eastwood sit down for joint interview about >> leo and clint eastwood sit down for joint interview about the epic new film. spoke. >> sad news in the sports world tonight. former heavy weight champion joe frasier has died. >> the about to give us instructions. a stare from joe frazier in the direction of ai ail. >> howard making that call. these are pictures from his famous fight with ali. the bout dubbed the thrill intermanila a.frazier diagnosed last month with liver cancer. his manager says the boxer had been in and out of the hospital and was receiving hospice treatment this past week. joe frazier was 67 years old. >>> jurors took just n

and now, in so many words, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you very much. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm host of the show. thanks for being here, thank you for watching. you're here on a great night, the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars," herman cain, is here with us tonight. [ laughter ] no, wait, i'm sorry, that's a joke from next year. [ laughter ] and dreamy taylor lautner is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] and i'm not promising anything, but i'm told both of them will be going shirtless. [ cheers and applause ] i like the fact that the man who potentially would have control of our nuclear arsenal will be on after the werewolf from "twilight." [ laughter ] been crazy here today. our building was surrounded by twi-hards and cainiacs today. we have members of team jacob here with us. we have the team herman crew is here, too. i have a lot of questions for herman cain tonight, a lot. this morning, a fourth woman came forward with accusations of sexual haras

jimmy kimmel is next. good night america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- shaquille o'neal. >> jimmy: i feel like you miss male comepanionshipcompanionship. you touch me a lot. >> that's because i love you. you know i love you. >> dicky: julia jones. >> i was told that nobody would be lifting me. >> dicky: and music from david guetta, featuring usher. >> jimmy: rick perry woke up this morning, read the news about herman cain saw all that attention and said get the technology they love, on the network they deserve. like the powerful droid charge by samsung or get the samsung stratosphere, and for a limited time get twice the data for the same low price. verizon. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- shaquille o'neal. "twilight's" julia jones and music from david guetta featuring usher. with cleto and the cletones. and now, sure enough, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. thanks, cleto. hi there i'm jimmy, i'm

. >>> tonight on "jimmy kimmel live." zach galifianakis. >> >> jimmy: aat what point did you decide to be in show business. >> about ten minutes ago. >> jimmy: there has to be an easier way for the president to get medical marijuana than fly out to california. >> dicky: mike judge and music from prims. hxdxapaw u ♪ ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for joining us here. we had the week off last week. i -- that was good for me. i was able to catch up on my baby dolling. great to be back. have you been watching the world series of baseball? baseball isn't as popular as it used to be. it needs to start dating a kardashian or something. they played game five tonight in texas, the rangers against the cardinals. former president bush used to own them in college. last night he threw out the ceremonial first pitch. it's high and what do you think president bush does all day. angry birds? i knew the day would come where i would be forced to choose between baseball and rob kardashia

>> jimmy: no, no, it's jimmy. >> ah, jimmy kimmel! jimmy kimmel! laughter ] >> what's going down, clown? >> jimmy: what? >> what's going down, clown? >> jimmy: oh. ah, nothing. i was just wondering if you had any herman cain jokes for me. >> well, of course, of course. number one funny man, roger. roger! >> jimmy: okay. yeah. roger's the best. >> jimmy, get ready. comedy cold. >> jimm >> jimmy: okay, i'm ready. oh, there he is. okay. all right. >> ready, jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah, i'm ready. >> what is blond and says "9-9-9?" >> jimmy: i don't know, what is blond and says "9-9-9?" >> herman cain's german secretary. >> jimmy: yeah. i think i heard that one on "conan," to be honest with you. i did. yeah. what else do you have? do you have anything else? >> what nation will herman cain never visit? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> nomination. >> jimmy: oh, nomination. yeah, i get it. okay, that's -- do i pay for all of these or can i -- a la carte. >> yes, yes, pay for all. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's a good deal. >> jimmy: give us a -- your best one. >> how many h

cain attempted to make light of the accusations during an appearance last night on abc's jimmy kimmel live. >> so how was your day? >> well, all things considered, i'm still alive. it got off to somewhat of a rough start. we had a little surprise to show up on tv. >> did you watch that? were you watching? >> we watched it because we didn't even know that this whole thing about woman number four was going to come out. so that was a surprise. >> good morning. >> and at least it wasn't one of the many that have the first name anonymous. so this one actually had a name and a face. so we watched to see what it was and who it was, and we are dealing with it. >> have you considered hiring gloria allred as your attorney? >> you almost made me say something that my handlers say you should not say. let me put it to you this way. i can't think of anything i would hire her today, okay? i can't think of a thing. >> cain's latest accuser worked at the restaurant group's education foundation until shortly before the alleged incident occurred. ms. bialek says she met cain that night for help finding

jimmy kimmel is next. thank you for watching. good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: all right, hey, nud, let's party. >> dicky: peter facinelli. >> why are we hugging? >> dicky: chef jamie oliver. >> a little bit of heavy breathing. yeah! >> dicky: and music from vince gill. >> jimmy: mark this down. november 17th 2011, the day america gave up. ♪ i say we just a friendcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb