jimmy kimmel, mr. jimmy kimmel! we were hoping your cheeks were covered with our signature buffalo sauce. >> jimmy: no, it's hair. i'm just looking for jokes about donald trump if you have them. >> oh, donald trump, you came to the right place. >> jimmy: slept. >> i'm getting our number one donald trump joke now. i don't know but i've been told donald trump is turning red more donald >> jimmy: it's not my birthday. it is not my birthday. >> it's not your birthday? >> jimmy: no, it's not my birthday. i'm looking for donald trump jokes. >> donald trump jokes, yes. >> jimmy: okay, great, all right, good. oh, great. >> these will knock your socks off. >> jimmy: okay, good, all right, i'm ready. it's a great-looking wig. >> ready, jimmy? >> jimmy: what? >> you ready? >> jimmy: yeah, i'm ready. >> okay. joke number one. >> jimmy: okay. >> how many donald trumps does it take to build a wall? >> jimmy: i don't know, how many donald trumps does it take to build a wall? >> zero! he will make the mexicans build it for him! >>

>> i'm aamma thanks for joins and jimmy kimmel singer demi >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, roseanne barr, and demi lovato. with cleto and the cletones. and now, for your information, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you. i appreciate your -- i'll tell you something. i especially appreciate your positivity tonight because here is a little bit of insight into nigh life. about three or four times a year, sometimes more, sometimes less, a large group of people bands together to get mad at me. sometimes they write letters, sometimes they tweet. sometimes they march. there have been marchers frichlt day i talked about youtube gaming, a new youtube platform on which people who play video games can watch other people play video games. of course i made fun of this because there are people watching other people play video games. which to me seems ridiculous. but apparently i touched a nerve. because i got an avalanche of mostly misspelled vitriol over the weekend. we posted this video to y

that jimmy kimmel video is the stupidest thing i have ever seen. get aid. jimmy kimmel.ome people attacked my wife. my daughter. others came up with analogies. gentleman named john gomez, yo, jimmy kimmel is an ignorant s, watching it is the same as watching nfl or nba. he low key got me pissed. zach oc, why did jimmy kimmel make an episode about nba when heap could just go play basketball. smh. what is smh? [ indiscernible ] okay. that's a questionable analogy. i'm not in the nba. i' if i was i would play basketball. i definitely would. another. i guess watching football is dumb because i could be playing it instead, huh, at jimmy kimmel. yes it is actually dumb. watching people play football is dumb. i do it every sunday. i know it is dumb. the guys i watch it with are thumb. they're all a bunch of dumb guys. watching people play video games isn't like watching people play football. it's look watching people play fantasy football. it is one more step removed from human activity. you understand? this was the weirdest analogy of all of them. how this guy defended watchin

>>> and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, don johnson, james taylor, and celebrities read "mean tweets" live, with cleto and the cletones. and now, when all else fails, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. glad you're watching. thanks to all of you for coming. thank you for joining us on what is the first day of autumn. i tell you, i love ought tell in la. the leaves are the same as usual. the air is the same as usual. people wear the same clothes as usual. it was 86 degrees here today. the only way to tell what season it is in l.a. is by which flavored syrup starbucks is adding to their coffee. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if it's pumpkin spice you know summer must be done. the change of seasons is a big time of the year for our nation's weather forecasters. last night, a weatherman from the local nbc affiliate in charlotte, north carolina, i have to say he really nailed it. so much so he earned this week's "award for excellence in r

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi there. hi, everybody. my name's jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i'll tell you something. we have a very good show for you tonight. but before we dive into it, i want to update you on an extremely important controversy i found myself in the middle of. it's probably the most important thing going on in the world right now. if you watched our show last night, you know that i have enraged the world of video gaming. video gamers are mad at me because last week i made comments about youtube gaming, which is a new platform on youtube where people who play video games can watch other people playing video games. i suggested that watching other people play video games is a double waste of time. and it turns out -- [ laughter ] -- i was very wrong. it's a great way to spend time. so we posted this video of me saying this youtube. and we got a lot of angry comments. i ran a bunch of them last night. and we posted them to youtube and got a lot more angry comments t

. >> good night >>> and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- bill o'reilly. from "the muppets," kermit the frog and miss piggy. "celebrities read mean tweets." plus music from robin thicke. with cleto and the cletones. and now, right before your very eyes, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us. how many of you watched the emmys last night? [ cheers and applause ] last night was the night on which television makes love to itself once gain, we go it every year. the 67th annual primetime emmy awards. the stars came out to shine. the about examplest of them all being the sun. it was very, very hot in downtown l.a. the temperature on the red carpet hit 97 degrees which means it was only 1 degree away from turning into a boy band down there. it was terrible. that kind of heat is dangerous because many of our favorite celebrities are made out of plastic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: some of the reporters on the red carpet fainted. some of

have a good >>> ask now, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel livew. from "quantico," priyanka chopra. and music from fidlar. with cleto and the cletones. and now, all aboard, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

have a good >>> ask now, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- matt damon. dr. phil mcgraw. from "quantico," priyanka chopra. and music from fidlar. with cleto and the cletones. and now, all aboard, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. oh, that's so nice. in the just the world, there's a lot going on in the universe right now. did you see the big super bloody lunar moon last night? the super moon was the reason all your facebook friends posted blurry pictures of the sky last night. a major astronomical event. it won't happen again until the year 2033. i was really excited about it. i read about it last week but i forget things. i set a reminder to go outside and look at it. but i was so eager to see it i didn't need the alarm. i went outside 6:45 last night. as soon as it started to get dark i waited. for a full 20, 30, 40 minutes i couldn't find the moon. i waited. i was in front of my house. well, maybe -- i went to th

y kimmel" next. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, roseanne barr, and demi lovato. with cleto and the cletones. and now, for your information, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank

i'm dan ashley right now open jimmy kimmel johnny depp have a jimmy kimmel johnny depp have a good night >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, johnny depp -- from "the visit," kathryn hahn -- and music from mutemath. with cleto and the cletones. and now, first and foremost, it's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i know you're excited. this is a great day in the united states. our national nightmare is over. earlier tonight from gillette stadium in massachusetts a new nfl season began. [ cheers and applause ] the new england patriots hosted the pittsburgh steelers. i want to say something that might be controversial but i think it needs to be said. the truth is you don't have to be ready for some football. there's no preparation required. turn it on and watch. i'm trying something new this season. instead of watching the games i'm going to dvr all the games so i can binge watch them the week before the super bowl. the patriots of course have be

night. >> good night >>> and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel from "the muppets," kermit the frog and miss piggy. "celebrities read mean tweets." plus music from robin thicke. with cleto and the cletones. and now, right before your very eyes, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

"jimmy kimmel live"!lor, and celebrities read "mean tweets" live, with cleto and the cletones. and now, when all else fails, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

good night. ♪ >>> and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel liveht, don johnson, james taylor, and celebrities read "mean tweets" live, with cleto and the cletones. and now, when all else fails, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

kimmel live"!n, james taylor, and celebrities read "mean tweets" live, with cleto and the cletones. and now, when all else fails, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

"jimmy kimmel live"!d animals. celebrities read mean tweets live. and music from jill scott. with cleto and the cletones. and now, all of a sudden, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

it's "jimmy kimmel live"!ght -- shonda rhimes. dave salmoni and animals. celebrities read mean tweets live. and music from jill scott. with cleto and the cletones. and now, all of a sudden, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

it's "jimmy kimmel live"!- bill o'reilly. from "the muppets," kermit the frog and miss piggy. "celebrities read mean tweets." plus music from robin thicke. with cleto and the cletones. and now, right before your very eyes, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

jimmy kimmel is >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, emily blunt, american hero, u.s. airman spencer stone, and music from rita ora featuring chris brown with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming out. i'm glad you're here. i hope you had a fun holiday weekend. a lot of people had the day off for labor day, which means instead of being at work all day checking facebook or at home all day checking facebook, three day weekends are great. a two-day weekend goes by like that. but then when you get a third day, that's when you start to settle in and really enjoy. and then when you go back to work on tuesday, it's like a baby bird stolen from the nest and droppend into a cement mixer or something. the wonderful emily blunt is with us. emily just became a u.s. citizen. she used to be english, and now eventually she will a'll be mexican, i guess. and you have heard about the guys who stopped

good night. >>> ask now, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel liveight -- matt damon. dr. phil mcgraw. from "quantico," priyanka chopra. and music from fidlar. with cleto and the cletones. and now, all aboard, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

for sandhya, all of us i'm dan ashley right now open jimmy kimmel johnny depp have a jimmy kimmel johnny have a good night >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, johnny depp -- from "the visit," kathryn hahn -- and music from mutemath. with cleto and the cletones. and now, first and foremost, it's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody.

jimmy kimmel live is next. alison: have a good night. >>> and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live"! >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, tobey maguire -- dale earnhardt, jr. -- and music from kip moore with cleto and the cletones. and now, why not, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

leon: jimmy kimmel live is next.t. >>> and now, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, john stamos. from cnn, jake tapper, jake byrd at a donald trump rally. and music from cold war kids. with cleto and the cletones. and now, you asked for it, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!rom cnn, jake tapper, jake byrd at a donald trump rally. and music from cold war kids. with cleto and the cletones. and now, you asked for it, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

and now, just arriving, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

good night >>> and now, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, david spade, from the oklahoma city thunder, russell westbrook. "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from a$ap rocky featuring schoolboy q. with cleto and the cletones. and now, look out, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i'm glad that you're here. we have a lot to cover tonight. we have so much ground to cover. not the least of which is the republican candidate debate last night on cnn. did you watch this debate? well, a lot of people did. 23 million viewers tuned in last nate. making it the biggest audience in the history of cnn. even bigger than the televised wedding of larry king and anna nicole smith. remember that? i shed many a tear that evening. if you're not one of the people who watched it last night, here is just a taste what was you missed. i feel like -- hold on a second. i think you played the wrong clip. that was th

good night >>> and now, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"avid spade, from the oklahoma city thunder, russell westbrook. "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from a$ap rocky featuring schoolboy q. with cleto and the cletones. and now, look out, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- josh brolin -- susan sarandon -- and music from darius rucker. with cleto and the cletones. and now, the truth be known, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching at home. audience, thank you all for coming. i don't know what i've done to deserve this. well. it's very good to see you too. i appreciate it. we have a lot to get to tonight starting with there was another big announcement from apple today. at 1:00 eastern standard time, apple announced a number of exciting new products for you to lose in a cab on the way to the airport. tell you something, these announcements, these apple announceme announcements, are always interesting to watch primarily because the apple marketing people are so easily amazed. >> your photos will look amazing on it. it's an amazing experience. this is an amazing display. inside it something even more amazing. we get an amazing display. you can see they're amazingly thin

and now, for your information, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank you for watching.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, miley cyrus -- ali wentworth -- and music from andy grammer. with cleto and the cletones. and now, come a little bit closer, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming and joining us. very nice. i appreciate it. thanks for coming on a holiday. today for those who don't know, today is national dog day. dogs as you're probably aware were widely considered to be man's best friend, until 2007 when the iphone was invented to replace it. i'm always curious as to how a holiday like this one gets started. i'm pretty sure dogs didn't start it. i know for sure squirrels didn't start national dog day. i went on the national dog day website. there is one. it turns out it was started in 2004 by an animal advocate who also started national puppy day and national mutt day. which i guess this person really, really likes dogs. on the site they have a list of 20 ways

"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, kerry washington, from "scream queens," lea michele, celebrities read mean tweets live, and music from travis scott, with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. very nice. this is an historic day for the united states of america. pope francis visited our country for the first time ever today. the pope is here until saturday. he's visiting washington, d.c., new york, and pennsylvania. not even going to bother coming to l.a. he said it's a lost cause, no point. while pope francis is here he will address a joint session of congress, and then i think he's doing snoop dogg's youtube show. this is the plane the pope flew in on. first up was cuba. he came straight here from havana and had a little bit of trouble at customs. they stopped him and went through his stuff. >> what is this, sir? >> jimmy: you can't bring more than $100 worth of cigars into the country. i don't care

>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"!tobey maguire -- dale earnhardt, jr. -- and music from kip moore with cleto and the cletones. and now, why not, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"!om "the visit," kathryn hahn -- and music from mutemath. with cleto and the cletones. and now, first and foremost, it's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

and now, for your information, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> jimmy: welcome